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  1. #1
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    YMo7 is offline 37 week ultrasound of our baby girl
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    Default Tricky teen s3xual questions

    Ok so I have a tricky one...

    A few weeks ago, we busted miss12 looking up and saving photos of woman which were extremely graphic.
    We spoke to her about it, she was embarrassed and said she likes girls and boys and would rather date a girl than a boy.
    Ok cool, no worries... But the pictures!?
    So we put a ban on the internet for her for the time being and put passwords on all devices.
    Last night she got through my phone and mac passwords and went online searching for teen webcam chats, and tried texting and calling international numbers.
    She has also told miss15 that she has a boyfriend in Hawaii who she talks to on Kik. (She has no access to Kik ATM so it must have been before she was banned).
    Miss12 is very impressionable, and as soon as anyone pays her attention of any kind, she is all theirs.

    Besides restricting internet with parental controls and changing passwords on all devices, how else do We handle this... I mean as far as talking to her about it? We have talked to her until we are blue in the Face.... It hasn't helped obviously....

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    I think you're doing a really good job of handling this. A 12 yo is often not going to listen to her parents as, well, you're her parents and kids think they're untouchable as far as risk goes. They never think it'll happen to them.

    I guess the conversation with her should be along the lines of its normal to start having these feelings about others at her age (no matter what gender), but there are safe ways of expressing that and the internet and chat rooms isn't one of them. And you can't compromise on that. There are some websites aimed at teens about safe browsing (can't think of the names at the moment) and often schools have access to internet safety education materials for kids. Perhaps if there is a school counsellor or pastoral care lead at the school they could advise you? There is also a website for LGBT teens (will try to remember the name) to safely chat with others about their feelings. Some areas have youth groups to.

    Not sure if that's any help as you're right it's a very tricky subject! If she feels she can always approach you about what's on her mind thats a great protective measure

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    There are some great resources via www.cybersmart.gov.au and http://ceop.police.uk you might even find some of the educational UK CEOP clips on you tube etc (they are well ahead of the educational material we have in Aust!)

    I would suggest:
    • Confiscate phones overnight
    • Turn off wifi overnight
    • Internet/computer use to be in family areas only (kitchen /lounge) not bedrooms
    • Speak to her school (someone that you trust... Teacher, year level coord, welfare coord, vp) and ask that they have a year level cyber safety talk from the local police youth officer
    • Utilise your older daughter to 'friend' and monitor your younger daughter on all social media sites. If they are going to get up to something sneaky and have parents as friends, they tend to set up a separate profile, less likely if it is a sibling.
    • Have duplicate sms from her phone sent to your phone, do not let her know that you are doing this. Monitor for any activity to indicate that she is planning to meet up with someone, being groomed for images or being sent images.
    She will work out her sexuality in her own time, my concerns aren't with her curiosity but rather with who she may be in contact with (ie a predator masquerading as a young person) or the types of images/material that she is accessing.

    good luck!!

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    Found some of those clips on you tube -search via 'ceop internet safety videos'. There are heaps but these two are relevant for your girl...

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FGF146WJ22M

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iKfUkIqlawU

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    Hi OP I don't have a daughter that age but I was listening to a cousellor recently who said kids at that age tend to listen to trusted adults outside their parents. She gave examples like an aunt, or a school counsellor or teacher she may be close to. We've had some issues with DD1 at school recently and she opened up to the deputy principal who she adores. It was really helpful.

    Is there anyone in your daughter's life you trust to talk to her who she would listen to? It's a tough subject.

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    YMo7's Avatar
    YMo7 is offline 37 week ultrasound of our baby girl
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    Thx ladies... Going to talk to a neighbour now.

    Checked out the website... Will look into it further.

    Going to see if I can find some books tonight that might help her too.

  9. #7
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    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
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    some good advice for you there YMo7


    I am sooooo not looking forward to DD growing up

  10. #8
    YMo7's Avatar
    YMo7 is offline 37 week ultrasound of our baby girl
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    I bought a book called "girl stuff" by kaz Cooke. It covers heaps and heaps of topics. It was $40 but well worth it. Miss 12 and I are going to go thru it together. We started tonight, it was a lot of fun.... Seeing her understand, joke, hear my stories and ask questions was awesome.

    Dh and I sat her down and told her it's time to be honest, that we know what's been going on, but we want her to tell us herself.... Which, with a bit of coaxing, went well in the end. She seemed to have a weight lifted off her shoulders.

    We restricted all access to internet, with only use while we sit next to her, checking that all is above board.

    We also restricted bedtimes. 8pm, her and I read fora. While then she goes to bed listening to music, then half hour later her music goes off and she goes to sleep.

    We spoke to a neighbour who said she is happy to talk to her if need be, however miss12 said she is happy talking to me about it all and would like our help as she feels she is "addicted" to the attention she was getting from the people online.

    All in all I *think* it went well and other than the blind leading the blind, I hope dh and I handled it well.

    Thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart for your non judgemental help.... It is very much appreciated.

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  12. #9
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    that sounds great. Hope it works out with her

    Might buy the book myself if its good - I am hopeless with this kind of stuff (way better with little babies than teenage stuff) ... but I have my sister so will direct DD that way I think

  13. #10
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    It is awesome... It covers hygiene, eating, s3x, changes in the body, friends, money, work, etc...


 

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