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  1. #11
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    You're not overreacting at all!

  2. #12
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    I don't think you are over reacting at all. This hapens to me everytime my mil or fil come to stay and it drives me bonkers. I usually can't wait til they leave and I dredd them before they even get here. Your home and family are YOURS. She's had her turn and needs to stay out of your business. Its easy to say stand up to her and ask her to leave but actually doing it is hard to do. I think your dh should be the one to say anything.

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    Serenity Love  (05-08-2014)

  4. #13
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    So you saw her giving your son toast but didn't say anything yet it bothered you?!

    Sounds like you need to lay some boundaries and start standing up to her sternly but it also sounds like you are over reacting to some matters and you let too much get to you.

  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by bubbasmum View Post
    I don't think you are over reacting at all. This hapens to me everytime my mil or fil come to stay and it drives me bonkers. I usually can't wait til they leave and I dredd them before they even get here. Your home and family are YOURS. She's had her turn and needs to stay out of your business. Its easy to say stand up to her and ask her to leave but actually doing it is hard to do. I think your dh should be the one to say anything.
    Agree with this. OP i may say she needs to move out but of course it's easier said than done. TBH she should never have moved in with you guys, especially while your LO is so young... but what's done is done.

    I agree with bubbasmum also that your DH needs to handle this with speaking to her.

    But also in saying that, when she is doing something you do not like - like feeding your LO toast, you really do need to say something there and then. If she thinks you'll just keep quiet then nothing will change as you're not setting any boundaries. It sucks having to do it, as no one likes confrontation especially with their MIL, but the reality is you do need to start saying something at the time it happens. You don't have to be angry about it, but be confident and straight down the line. You need to for yours and your LO's sake it sounds like.

    Your DH need to tell her she's had her turn and to now leave you to have yours.

  6. #15
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    Honestly the first comment 'she cleans up after our dinner' I thought maybe a bit overreacting but as you went on I think you definitely are not overacting.

    She needs boundaries - you do sound as though you need to speak up a bit more as your DH is obviously not getting the point across but I would definately be talking to you DH and both of you insist on a date that she will move out. It sounds like it is time. If she drags her heels or your DH doesnt support you then I would definately stay with your parents with DS until your DH can sort this out.

    You shouldnt be anxious in your own home which most of the stuff you said actually had me anxious, the toast, driving, baby in bed etc.

    In regards to the god parent thing - that is just bizarre. You really need to make sure she understands she is not the godmother. I know this sounds terrible but it might also be worth asking a girlfriend or something just to make sure she sees she is definately not.

    Dont worry that she seems to think she will get custody of you ds in the very unlikely event something happens to you both... just see a lawyer and write up an airtight will. It would take alot to have a judge over turn that. I would also make sure your hubbys will is airtight if anything happpend to him. It sounds like she may be the type to get some sort of court ordered custody/supervision which I have heard of happening especially since she lives/lived with you...just something to think about if you do see a lawyer.

    You are a saint for letting your mil move in and you have put up with your fair share. This is a lovely time with a new baby and she is just encroaching on it. Its time for her to be the grandma who sees the grandkid when mummy and daddy want her to

  7. #16
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    I don't think you're overreacting. Living with people is trying at times and make that person your MIL and you're practically begging for tension and conflict. Maybe it's time to let MIL know that although she might have different parenting techniques to you, you are in fact DS's parents, you make the rules. End of story. Hearing that you saw her give him toast and didn't say anything suggests to me that you're afraid of confrontation/ asserting yourself as DS's mother i.e. the rule maker.

    If I were in your position I'd get DH on my side, go in there are set some serious rules. If MIL doesn't like it - too bad. Your home. Your family.

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    But also in saying that, when she is doing something you do not like - like feeding your LO toast, you really do need to say something there and then. If she thinks you'll just keep quiet then nothing will change as you're not setting any boundaries. It sucks having to do it, as no one likes confrontation especially with their MIL, but the reality is you do need to start saying something at the time it happens. You don't have to be angry about it, but be confident and straight down the line. You need to for yours and your LO's sake it sounds like.
    This is so true! I'm speaking from personal experience. My DD is almost 2 and it's only recently I have started speaking up; until now I've seen things said and done and I couldn't bring myself to say anything but then I'd be seething inside and DH and I would argue about it later. Lately though I've decided I just need to bite the bullet and open my mouth. I realised if I didn't MIL would think she could have a say in raising my DD forever.

    The first time I said something I was so nervous and my palms were actually sweaty but she was insisting on something or the other and I just calmly said no DH and I have decided that won't work for us, it shut her up right then and there she was so surprised, and since then it's just gotten easier and also she is much less pushy now that she knows I won't hesitate to let her know I'm calling the shots for my child. I know it's hard bit the sooner you find your voice the easier things will be for you, honestly.

  9. #18
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    wow! you poor thing!
    seems like you need to lay the law...
    YOU'RE the mumma in the household.
    I would personally have a chat to DH and come to an agreed 'time to move on' date, and sit down together and let her know.
    You are a young family, who wish to start your life together (unfortunately, this is not possible when there's another family momentum in play).
    Let her know you are SO grateful of the help she has given you since baby was born (even if its a slight lie) however, its now time you get into the routine you wish to set for bubs.
    i cant even imagine having to do this, but it seems the ONLY way....

    good luck!

  10. #19
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    How's things been now since making this post hun?


 

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