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  1. #1
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    Default Ongoing Issues with Mother

    Without going into the huge back story...and to give you some context my younger brother had some mental health issues in this time he verbally attacked my husband and said some very awful and hurtful things to both him and I. After this episode we decided to cut him out of our lives my husband especially.

    My mum and dad are separated just 3 years ago and both want us to just get over it forgive him and play happy families and let him back in. I don't trust him as far as I can throw him and in no way do I expect my husband to just get over it and let him back into our lives.

    Fast forward I have asked my mum if she would mind our nearly 3 year old for about 4 night so that my husband and I can go on a short holiday together before we have out next bub due in Jan. This was done via phone. I end the conversation with her but she doesn't hang up properly and then I hear her promptly talk to her husband and say..."what will we do about my brother possibly coming over to the house while my son is there". I have stipulated that since the incident I don't feel comfortable with my brother being around my son. Her husband goes in to say that it's his house his rules and if my brother turns up he is welcome I his house. My mum then says she agrees and that they just won't use his name so my son doesn't repeat it when he gets home so that both my husband and I will be none aware that he was over while my son was there.

    I have been stewing on this since it happened and how sick and betrayed I feel by her attitude to dismiss how I feel about my brother and how I feel he is a risk to my child due to his instability and our unresolved issues. I have dare not told my husband about this over heard conversation as he would cut my mum right out quick smart and part of me keeps her in my sons life for a sense of having grandparents.

    I am about to confront her about this and cancel the holiday as I just feel I can't trust her to respect my feelings and wishes above her own motives.

    Am I being unreasonable?

  2. #2
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    Not being unreasonable at all. She should respect your decisions as parents, and individuals in regards to your brother. I would be absolutely fuming if i were you, and would not be allowing her unsupervised access at her house.

    (i have a brother who used to live with my mum, and due to his many issues and threats, we didn't see my mum at her house for a very long time. She never had the kids, and never will without us there for similar reasons).

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    Quote Originally Posted by FuddyMum View Post

    I am about to confront her about this and cancel the holiday
    I don't think tough should cancel your holiday.....but if you need to take your DS with you just make it a kid friendly holiday.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LlamaMa For This Useful Post:

    FuddyMum  (03-08-2014),ozeymumof5  (05-08-2014)

  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by LlamaMa View Post
    I don't think tough should cancel your holiday.....but if you need to take your DS with you just make it a kid friendly holiday.
    Thanks for replying that's what we are going to do anyway. I am fuming the more I think about how easy it is for her to disregard how I feel. There are so many issues with her and her attitude I don't know where to begin!

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    I would have already had a go at her by now if it was me. It's not like you did anything wrong, it's not your fault she didn't hang up the phone properly. And how dare she plan to deliberately lie to you about it. I wouldn't be leaving her to babysit my child again at all if that was the case. It's not like she's lying about how much junk food she feeds him or something relatively harmless. She is planning in doing something that she knows you are very concerned about that may put your son at risk.

    I wouldn't be able to resist, I would have called back straight away and told her to forget watching my son.

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    Serenity Love  (05-08-2014)

  8. #6
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    Im going against the grain here. Dont get me wrong, the sneakiness is wrong and they should have been upfront with you and said ' We will love to watch your DS but your brother visits occasionally and we dont feel comfortable barring him.' Then you guys could have made up your own mind.

    I do think its unreasonable for you to expect they ban their son/stepson for a whole week to respect your wishes. In the end it is correct in that it is their house and you are asking them for a favour by watching your son.

    Like I said though I think the fact they were trying to deceive you is wrong. I just think the should have been up front.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meld85 View Post
    Im going against the grain here. Dont get me wrong, the sneakiness is wrong and they should have been upfront with you and said ' We will love to watch your DS but your brother visits occasionally and we dont feel comfortable barring him.' Then you guys could have made up your own mind.

    I do think its unreasonable for you to expect they ban their son/stepson for a whole week to respect your wishes. In the end it is correct in that it is their house and you are asking them for a favour by watching your son.

    Like I said though I think the fact they were trying to deceive you is wrong. I just think the should have been up front.
    I agree with this too, it's up to them if they want to let their son come over. But yes, they should have been upfront about it. The lying would cause me to completely lose all trust and I don't think I would ever trust them with my child again, if it was me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Meld85 View Post
    Im going against the grain here. Dont get me wrong, the sneakiness is wrong and they should have been upfront with you and said ' We will love to watch your DS but your brother visits occasionally and we dont feel comfortable barring him.' Then you guys could have made up your own mind.

    I do think its unreasonable for you to expect they ban their son/stepson for a whole week to respect your wishes. In the end it is correct in that it is their house and you are asking them for a favour by watching your son.

    Like I said though I think the fact they were trying to deceive you is wrong. I just think the should have been up front.
    I agree with you and understand what you are saying and would of respected them being upfront rather than opting to just say nothing as I will be none the wiser.

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    It depends what your brother did/said that was so wrong. If it was something small I would say your mum is wrong for trying to deceive you but then again you are being a bit precious. If your brother did something serious then I would be fuming heaps at your mum.

    Either way I wouldn't let my kid stay with them.

  13. #10
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    Wow you did well to not call them back and have a go at them! How dare they cook up a plan to lie and deceive! Whether its too much to ask with keeping your bro away or not, the way your parents are handling it and treating you is appalling.

    Has your brother apologised at all?

    Will someone on your DH's side watch your DS for now on when you need instead?


    It's very frustrating not having reliable trustworthy family to help out when we need it... I hope someone can help on your DH's side instead. Otherwise i am in the same boat as well. No babysitter - no time alone with DH ....but it is what it is. Our kids well being comes first. If you feel strongly about this then you prob have good reason for it.

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