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  1. #31
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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    When I first got pregnant I thought I absolutely knew the answer to this - that I would have a termination if a scan/test showed disability.
    All very good and well but then I chose not to have an amnio when my risk came back as 1/1530.
    Had I found out at the 20w scan there were significant impairment, I don't know what I would have done. By then, I had felt my baby.
    Having worked in disability services and seeing the impact of disability on many families, including the child, their parents and siblings, I thought I could never look after a child with a disability. But that may be easy for me to say since I a) i don't have a child yet and b) my previous work has skewed my views.
    I'm just grateful we live in a country where we have choices, but also information to be able to make those choices in the first place - whatever we choose to do.

  2. #32
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    I don't believe that DS is enough for me to abort. It would have to be a severe disability that would leave my child with a horrible state of life for me to consider abortion. It's so hard, I mean, we all think we know what we would do if the situation arose, but when you are actually put in that situation, I'm sure everything goes out the window & you just follow your heart.

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  4. #33
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    That's so generous of you fox in sox

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  6. #34
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    No way would I abandon a child with a disability.

    I had trouble conceiving. It took a long time!

    My little girl was born prem and has cp and many other prem issues. She has a disability, and we are coping. There's a lot of help out there!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fox in Sox View Post
    I don't know whether it's ok for me to ask another question in someone else's thread - let me know if not and I'll delete.

    I'm curious about, for those who have/would terminate based on a Down syndrome diagnosis, what information do you/did you base that decision on? What sort of research is involved?

    I'm being totally upfront here and telling you that I have a 5yo with Ds, and one thing that I'm in the process of at the moment is providing my details to the local Dr surgeries so if they have someone who has a pre-natal dx of Ds, and wants to talk to someone about what it means to parent a child with Ds, they can call me. I should also make it clear here that I'm strongly pro-choice, but I feel like if someone is deciding to terminate a pregnancy based on a Down syndrome dx, they should know what they're saying to no to, which is why I'm doing this. My intention would definitely NOT be to talk anyone out of a termination. If that's what they decide is best for them, so be it.

    But it made me wonder, generally, when making this decision, do people seek out parents of kids with Ds? If not, what information DO they use to make that choice?
    I just wanted to say thank you to you for doing this.

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    A couple of weeks ago I would have said never to abortion. Couldn't do it. It was just not for me.

    But now as I sit here, in what seems like eternal limbo as I wait to pass 15 weeks for my amnio appointment, having read everything I could find on T13 and T18, I can't say that for sure anymore. Honestly, I don't even know what we'll do if the results do come back with something wrong.

    Abandonment, definite nope. (I'm working under the assumption that won't change later on down the line!)

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    As @Zombie_eyes said, there are people on here that are faced with these issues and, although it may not be intended, these comments could be quite hurtful.

    Coming from someone that has had to have these discussions, you really don't know what you would do unless you were in this situation... even then, it's still such an overwhelming battle between what's right for you and the baby vs what your heart wants.

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  13. #38
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    I think its very difficult to know how you'd cope until you're forced to.

    My two sons have autism.

    When i was pregnant with ds#1. I saw this autism special on oprah. And it terrified me and i cried (quite hysterically) and i pleaded with any higher power i could think of "please dont let my child have autism" and then he did. And i survived. And then when ds#2 started showing signs. I cried a lot and i said to dh "i wont survive this, i cant go through this again" and then.. It happened. And i survived.

    Its hard. Totally hard, stressful, huge financial strain, we are isolated etc. but they are worth it, and they are awesome. And now my daughter is showing signs, and i shrug and say "so?"

    So its really difficult to know how you'd cope, Or how bad it would be for you until its happening to you

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    @Zombie_eyes
    So so true. In fact. .I really don't think you can speculate on this topic unless you've been there and made the choice. Add to that. . If you are not a parent to a special needs child you cannot really say what you would do.

    I always wonder about choices like this. .
    What happens if your healthy child becomes disabled in some way due to illness or an accident when they're 1 or 5 or 10. Do you walk away? I was already a mummy to my beautiful girl when I carried her, she just wasn't born yet. For me.... I would never have walked away.

    Lots of people say they would never cope.. But you do because you need to. That's the same for any parent.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  17. #40
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fox in Sox View Post
    But it made me wonder, generally, when making this decision, do people seek out parents of kids with Ds? If not, what information DO they use to make that choice?
    I mentioned earlier that I would terminate so I thought I'd answer your question, or I'd try to.

    I guess it's just something that I don't see fits into our family structure. We wanted to raise our children and send them out into the world as capable and independent fully functioning people. We acknowledged that anything could happen as our children grow and that that situation could change but it wasn't something we wanted to commit to when we would still be comfortable terminating a pregnancy.

    I've tried to word this sensitivity, I hope my reply doesn't upset anyone.

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