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  1. #1
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    Default Why am I 100% responsible for everything

    Everything as in cooking cleaning tidying up making sure ds eats throughout the day and has a fun day.

    Dh goes to work. Comes home and does his own thing and thinks because ds is in his general area thats spending time.
    Im on leave at the moment for a few weeks but I work too but when im working I just have a mess to come home to and im over it.

    If im working and dh is off.. I ask what did he give ds for morning tea and he just looks at me blankly. . Wtf give him something between breakfast and lunch!! And taking him to bunnings isnt spending time with him..
    Im just over it and if I try and bring it up dh just gets in a childish mood.
    I feel like I am taking a huge load trying to do everything myself and its getting too much.
    If I was a single mum then fine but he is around to help and doesnt so it really angers me!!

    Is anyone else in the same boat? Have you overcome this? Help me!! Im sick of cleaning his cr ap. Im too much of a neat freak to let it build up.. wish I could.. maybe I can try.. augh! Rant over. . Sorry!

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    Yep. I'm in the same boat. I've only got myself to blame as I knew he was a lazy prick who was mothered too much when I married him.
    Some days it really does make me resentful. Where's my weekend? Where's my wind down time? Where's my sleep in? On my days at work I'm still expected to do the cooking and cleaning and attend to dd too DH doesn't know how to use anything, where anything is .... I also look after the household finances.

    DH takes the bins out. Once a week. But I have to remind him otherwise he forgets. He moves the lawn only when I complain it's too wild for dd. I cannot exaggerate how little he contributes to household chores and hands on care for dd.

    I would love for things to change but I'm terrified of nagging. And sounding like my mother who did nothing but nag.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 02-08-2014 at 14:28.

  4. #3
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    Ah lovelies, I remember this so well, and the frustration that comes with it. I've written this elsewhere on the hub before, but I think it is the only golden nugget of advice I possess. It's called forced choice. We use it with children! So: 'DH, would you rather do DD's bath or stack the dishwasher and turn it on?' or 'would you rather get up to DS in the night and sleep in while I do the morning, or the other way around?'

    Only a complete jerk is going to say 'I'm not going to do either of those things', and if they do that is total go ahead to get your nag on.

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    Yes harvs, we've been here before haven't we lol? You give to great advice and I continue to ignore it and write posts like this. Some things never change. My lazy *** DH is one of them, and as I've said I've only myself to blame. Not every woman is to blame though...giving my support to OP

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Ah lovelies, I remember this so well, and the frustration that comes with it. I've written this elsewhere on the hub before, but I think it is the only golden nugget of advice I possess. It's called forced choice. We use it with children! So: 'DH, would you rather do DD's bath or stack the dishwasher and turn it on?' or 'would you rather get up to DS in the night and sleep in while I do the morning, or the other way around?'

    Only a complete jerk is going to say 'I'm not going to do either of those things', and if they do that is total go ahead to get your nag on.
    This exactly. My dh used to come home from work and play with ds but nothing helpful. I had to give him two choices like bath or washing dishes, because I can't be in two places at once. It took a few times saying this for him to realize that I was doing everything and he needed to suck it up and do more.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Ah lovelies, I remember this so well, and the frustration that comes with it. I've written this elsewhere on the hub before, but I think it is the only golden nugget of advice I possess. It's called forced choice. We use it with children! So: 'DH, would you rather do DD's bath or stack the dishwasher and turn it on?' or 'would you rather get up to DS in the night and sleep in while I do the morning, or the other way around?'

    Only a complete jerk is going to say 'I'm not going to do either of those things', and if they do that is total go ahead to get your nag on.
    That's what I do. I don't say "do you want to do this" (though he will do it) I just say "do this one or this one". Give him less opportunity to say no haha

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    Ah the man-child. Good luck OP. @harvs has given some great advice.

    Dh will help out but I hate that I always have to micro-manage him - why cant he use his own initiative and see that stuff needs to be done!

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    Great advice thank you!
    Yes why do we have to micro manage these men. Seriously just use your brain and know what needs doing. They surely know just pretend they dont because they know we will do it ourselves!
    Sometimes I have to bite my tongue and just walk away (just had to this minute)
    Will try harvs advice later today

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    This is my house too. Even with me on my back with horrible morning sickness nothing gets done. There are more important things to do like play online games all afternoon and night. The house is a pigs sty at the moment and he just walks over the top of everything Dh also has one job and that is to take the bins out. He forgets every. single. time. He has to run out in the freezing cold to put them out in the morning. Sucked in! I also have to nag him to mow the lawn and it usually takes him a few weeks to get out there. He is the same as yours OP. Hopeless with looking after the kids, really couldnt be bothered spending time with them and then when he does he just gets cranky at them. Constantly leaves his clothes all over the bathroom floor, leaves mess all over the kitchen, his study is disgusting. Never plans anything for the family like holidays or outings its all left up to me. Can you tell I am harboring resentment lol?
    Last edited by bubbasmum; 02-08-2014 at 15:44.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    Yep. I'm in the same boat. I've only got myself to blame as I knew he was a lazy prick who was mothered too much when I married him.
    Some days it really does make me resentful. Where's my weekend? Where's my wind down time? Where's my sleep in? On my days at work I'm still expected to do the cooking and cleaning and attend to dd too DH doesn't know how to use anything, where anything is .... I also look after the household finances.

    DH takes the bins out. Once a week. But I have to remind him otherwise he forgets. He moves the lawn only when I complain it's too wild for dd. I cannot exaggerate how little he contributes to household chores and hands on care for dd.

    I would love for things to change but I'm terrified of nagging. And sounding like my mother who did nothing but nag.
    Are we married to the same person???

    Somedays I think it would be easier just on my own. Then I would have no expectation of getting help and no chance of getting disappointed.


 

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