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  1. #1
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    Default Regression since sibling!

    Hi,
    I have a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I have noted some "things" with my 3.5 year old
    1. 3.5 yo wakes in the night and comes into our bed. Has done since sibling was born. Have tried almost everything. Though admittedly give up probably too soon if it doesn't show great improvements quickly. He had always been a great sleeper prior
    2. Dinner time is a disaster zone. He has gone from a great independant eater, to stalling, mucking around and taking forever. Usually frustrating both parents. He will eat fine if we "spoon feed" him, but almost refuses otherwise
    3. Is now asking to be carried when we are out, when his sibling is in the pram.
    4. At times talks like a baby, one word sentences, silly voices.

    =? Sibling jealousy

    all of the above comes and goes, and on reflection, is probably more evident when his sibling is around.

    i know so many ways we went wrong, and let behaviours slip (eg coming into our bed). And I also know that there was a lot of turmoil when his sibling was born, and she is still quite a handful.

    but how do I fix things- he seems to have regressed, and is resentful towards her. Yesterday he told me " he only loves his sister and me sometimes" but daddy and grandma always" broke my heart

    we usually have have activities when she is sleeping
    i try for mum/son time, but he at times declines
    they do a lot together (only 1 day a week apart with childcare)
    -no access to grandparents etc.

    i am at a sad miserable loss- anyone got any suggestions on how I can repair things

  2. #2
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    My son (4) is the same with our 2 yr old. He often still regresses when he notices his sibling getting attention - he often talks like a baby, wants to sleep with us, wants cuddles whenever baby has cuddles, also wants to eat what baby eats and uses fingers instead of cutlery. We moved recently and now they share a room - where he was fully toilet trained and sleeping through the night with never an accident, he started having accidents at night. He sometimes breaks my heart with similar statements which are hard to ignore or even tells me "I'm going to run away and find a new family" Or "I'm going to go with strangers" - I don't know where he gets it from. It is so hard not to get angry but I just trying to give more love. I always also make sure I spend time just with him while his bro is sleeping. Don't worry you are not alone! I put it down to immaturity and jealously which he will hopefully grow out of. I just try and keep firm boundaries but ensure he feels loved. Bed times are an absolute struggle but I put 2yr old to bed at 7 and read with him till 7.30 when I put him to bed. He is always crying and begging to stay with us, but his behaviour is even more difficult when he doesn't get enough sleep so I am firm about him going to bed. Fingers crossed he gets over it soon!
    Last edited by Miniminka; 02-08-2014 at 00:04.

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  4. #3
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    This is SO normal. The older child has had their whole world rocked by no longer being 'number one' and they need heaps and heaps of reassurance from their parents that eveything is still OK. This most definitely is a phase, they do get through it, reassurance and attention is the best way to deal with it, meet his need for affirming his place in the family.

    Yes, it's exhausting etc, but it is really important for your big boy to have his anxiety relieved by being given as much as you can give him.

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