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  1. #1
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    Default Giving birth without DH with me - anyone else??

    So its looking likely that I will have to go through labor and the birth without DH by my side as we have no one to look after DS when the time comes.

    I don't speak to my mother anymore so her looking after DS wont be happening... neither will the inlaws as they have an skitty snappy dog that i am terrified will attack DS. I have never left him in their care ever as I am terrified their dog will attack him as he is only almost 2.5 years old so doesn't understand when to leave dogs alone. They have a bad track record with not raising dogs properly and them turning into aggressive monsters. I just wont be able to give birth properly while fearing DS's safety. They refuse to work with us and keep the dog outside while he is at their house, and they think we are over reacting. I have never let them babysit DS as yet because of their dog (and other reasons)

    We *could* ask friends I suppose, DH has done a lot for a couple of them by getting them a job at his work and them now having solid career's. But they have their own kids... so i can't see them being too happy with taking ours. Plus DS doesn't know them very well as its more DH is mates with the guy, the wife and her kids aren't very sociable so DS and I haven't had a lot to do with them.... i can't see them being willing to do trial runs leading up to when i go into labor to get DS used to them ...

    So i guess ill just have to leave DS with DH and do it on my own. Ill have to make my own way to hospital i suppose. The idea terrifies me... last time i had a traumatic experience with a placenta abruption that went on for 4 excruciating days. Without DH being there on and off for me I don't know how i would have coped, as i couldn't drive myself back and forth like he had to back then....

    Has anyone else here given birth with no support other than the midwives? is it scary and lonely?

    Last edited by Serenity Love; 31-07-2014 at 15:40.

  2. #2
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    I am sure if you asked friends they would be happy to help out while you are in labour.
    Could your inlaws their their dog at home and babysit in your home?
    I hope you find a solution so your husband can be with you.

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    I gave birth to my DS without a support person and ii survived. If the time comes and you can't take your DH with you in labour, you'll be fine😊

    Having a support person in labour is only a relatively recent concept and TBH I don't quite get it!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lincolns mummy View Post
    I am sure if you asked friends they would be happy to help out while you are in labour.
    Could your inlaws their their dog at home and babysit in your home?
    I hope you find a solution so your husband can be with you.
    I doubt the inlaws will, they complain about driving 30 mins to our house as it is and by then they will be a 50 min drive away ... Dealing with them during that time is stress we just don't need. We had them over at our house each weekend helping with gardening, was a nightmare - they would stay until really late at night and pick fights with us and yell at DH calling him useless... id really rather not rely on them, i guess id rather cope on my own. Short term pain for long term gain.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    I doubt the inlaws will, they complain about driving 30 mins to our house as it is and by then they will be a 50 min drive away ... Dealing with them during that time is stress we just don't need. We had them over at our house each weekend helping with gardening, was a nightmare - they would stay until really late at night and pick fights with us and yell at DH calling him useless... id really rather not rely on them, i guess id rather cope on my own. Short term pain for long term gain.
    Wow, they seem, umm, awful!
    I would just ask some friends, I think most people would willing help out

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    Serenity Love do you have any friends who you would have as a birth partner? If not can I perhaps suggest looking into having a student midwife work with you. Can't remember how far along you are from your other threads, but you're going to need some support on the day and a student can be invaluable. Not only can they learn, but they can also work as a support and advocate to you when you're at your most vulnerable.

    Can your DH take you to the hospital when you go into labour? Where I work, while we don't encourage kids in birth suite, sometimes it's unavoidable. I'm not saying that your DH and your DS have to stay in the room with you the whole time, but can DH drive you to the hospital, take you inside and get you settled and then either go home with DS or wait around the hospital (depending on the time of day/night). That way if you did have a support person or student midwife, your DH could just stay with you until they arrived and then head home or whatever.

    It is always hard when families have no one to help with other kids when you go into labour.

    My only other suggestion would be to call an ambulance. Under no circumstances should you drive while in labour. You'd be a liability on the road if you crashed while having a contraction.

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    I would take your son with you. Take books, an iPad, DVD player, colours, cars, a blanket and a pillow. Have a bag packed for him as well to be prepared.
    I know it isn't ideal but your hubby can take him for a walk or a drive if he gets too stressed out but at least your hubby will be with you.
    Also the idea of a student midwife is great.

  9. #8
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    Sorry you may have to do it alone
    - knowing the history I totally get why you don't trust your mum or inlaws!

    PP's suggestion about a student midwife is a great one.

    Good luck...

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    I don't know if I would agree with having a 2.5year old in a delivery room. A home birth is a lot different as they're in their own environment and can just go about their normal toddlery busines. If something happens your DH is going to have to focus on your DS rather than you, so it sort of defeats the purpose of a support person. We certainly don't encourage it, but we've had situations where mums have had to go for an emergency c/s and the dads are on their way to theatre with them but get told they can't go as there is no one to look after their child. The staff won't be able to babysit your child, and I'm sure they would tell you so quite bluntly.

  11. #10
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    It was completely different circumstances, but I ended up alone for a good while during DD's birth, and I would have loved a familiar face there.

    As others have said, even if you can't have DH there because you can't find any alternatives to look after DS, maybe use a friend or student midwife as a birth partner so you aren't alone?

    Maybe one of DH's friends you mentioned could come just when the action is really happening and DH can come be with you for a couple of hours then go back to DS?


 

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