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  1. #1
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    Default Should I become a single parent?

    I know this is going to turn into a venting post so sorry in advance. DH and I have been together for almost 11 years and have a 2 and 3 year old. Things between us are not going well and I'm at the point where I don't know if we have a future together. I just feel so unappreciated and that things would just be easier if I could go ahead and do them without having his input. Don't get me wrong, DH is great with the kids and has never been abusive. It just feels like we have grown apart and are now just getting on each others nerves. We have no sex life and just have the bare minimum in affection (kiss hello and goodbye). Dh shows no interest in anything I do or say. He will flat out ignore me or tune out. He blames me for his behaviour as over the years I have battled depression and would often cry a lot or complain or start arguments so apparently he tunes out most of what I say as a way that he can survive. I feel he is holding onto how I have been in the past without giving me a chance to change or prove myself. If we did separate I would probably have to move in with my parents 5hrs drive away from DH and I know that being so far from the kids would break his heart. I would have no job (I am studying at uni) so don't know how I would cope financially. I'm just so upset that I'm even thinking about all this as I thought we'd be together forever and thinking about splitting up is such a serious decision. I don't know what's best for the kids. They love their dad so much but I just don't know how much longer I can try and be happy in a relationship that I fear is ending. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

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    Have you voiced this to him and told him you're considering leaving? It seems like you still love him/respect him enough. I'd start there, and see what happens. Perhaps it would stick I fire cracker up his bum, or perhaps he feels the same? Just saying it may make things easier for you long term. Hugs! xx

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    It is hard.

    Perhaps you need to schedule a night where you sit down and have a really long deep and meaningful about your relationship and what the two of you need to do to make it work.

    Have you thought about some counselling?

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    I think you should try out counselling first. He might not be interested in going to counselling sessions but even just going by yourself might help. I get the feeling you would stay with him if his attitude towards you changed.

    Also you might be interested in reading a book called The Love Dare. I bought it but it's collecting dusts so can't tell you if it works or not but I thought it might fit your situation...

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    Does he know that you're feeling like this? Men often don't have a clue unless you tell them straight up what is going on. With two young ones it's easy to not have time for each other but you need to make time. Also, I'm assuming that when you say you had depression that you mean you had PND? It is NOT okay for him to hold that against you, any type of depression really. It's not your fault. If you're going to move forward, he needs to get past that, too.

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    Sounds like you have a lot going on with 2 young kids and studying. Do you spend much time with just each other and no kids so you can focus and reconnect? Is there something you have in common that you could both get back into? Every couple of month dh and I take annual leave while the kids are at daycare and we just go out for a nice lunch and spend time together. We don't have any family or friends to baby sit so this is the only option. Good luck whatever you decide.

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    How's it going? I'm in this area as having similar thoughts. I have an 11 week old baby that he spends no time with. His mother lives here right now (going soon thank god) and blames my parenting style (loving/child centred) for her bad sleep habits and when I try and talk about our baby I feel like I'm being blamed by him too. She is the sweetest dearest baby but she is only 11 weeks and possibly has reflux I won't leave her to cry herself to sleep. Dp also has digs at me for devoting too much time to baby and not our other kids. They seem to understand better than him.
    Damn it sorry I'm rambling. I am so disconnected to him, I feel so unappreciated for what I do for this family and because I have had no job for 7 years I don't know how I would cope financially. I am currently depressed but his family don't do emotions so I cry in the bath or when his mother is out during the day.


 

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