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  1. #1
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    Default Is this reasonable? High school related.

    Okay I am to angry right now to think straight. Please tell me if this is reasonable or I am over the top in being angry (Let face it when it comes to my kids I am a mumma bear)

    Ds1 is in year 9. He has adhd and some other learning disabilities including being very slow at reading and writing with a spelling ability of a gr 4 child. Extreme self esteem issue due to his learning disabilities, his physical appearance really bad acne the scaring kind that he can't use meds for because of other skin problems and The robbery that he was threatened to be bashed to death at Christmas time last year that he feels he failed to protect me and his siblings from. He is also very tall for his age so get teased for that too.

    He does guitar lessons privately and loves music.

    He does music as on of his electives. He hates it. He first assignment this year was to hard for my ex professional musician husband to understand. Anyhow he hates the subject as he just doesn't get a lot of it. She has made learn a new instrument (the trumpet). Last week he was supposed to preform piece in front of a audience of serval hundred people as a exam (his class was the only ones doing a exam the rest were there voluntary). This was last Wed 7:30 pm. He told me about 2 weeks before hand that he to attend. No notes or emails from the teacher. The school is a 30 minute drive away.

    Anyhow my husband father died just week before the performance. He is still grieving. I was away with my sick dd on the other side of the country. My husband had 4 children at home to look after for the week I was away. He didn't fell up to taking Ds1 to the performance as it had been less than a week from his father's death and sitting in a room with hundreds of people listening to kids preform. It was also after the other three kids bed times and he was alone. He just couldn't cope.

    Ds1 told the teacher that he most probably wouldn't be there as his dad wasnt doing to we'll. She told him he would fail music and was letting everyone else down. He said that was fine he would take the fail.
    I rang the school and informed them that is why he wasn't there and was told that it was perfectly understandable and that was fine they would pass it onto the teacher as she wasn't there for me to talk too.
    On to today lesson, he was made to stand up in front of the class with 2 other students that didn't make it and was lectured about missing it. He told he had 15 weeks (a lie. Because school only scheduled the night 10 weeks ago) to find transport to and from the event. No notes or emails were sent to us the parents about him needing to attend.
    All of which is irrelevant as we could schedule his grandfather dying and his sister being very sick on the other side of the country.
    He was told he needs to find a time to preform in front of audience in his own time that suits her to do the exam. (I wouldn't have big issue with this if she had pulled him aside and told he had to re sit the exam.)

    I am angry that she shamed him as well as her general attitude.

    She has also decided that he and his class needs to be at school and 1 hour and 15 mins early every Friday for a extra class. Still no note from her about this.
    The school has a rule that kids can't be there that early. So what are my other 3 kids including a prep child suppose to do. It's a hour round trip so it's not like we can drop him off early and take the others later.


    So is this reasonable and I am just that problem parent ?



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  2. #2
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    No way are you that 'problem parent'. There are so many faults with what she has done. I would be inclined to write it all to the principal and see what their response is. He had a legitimate reason for not attending and even if he didn't lecturing him in front of the class is not the way to address the problem.

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    That sounds absolutely ridiculous anewme!! How awful for your son and I'm sure your poor hubby probably feels terrible that he was treated like that because he couldn't take him 😞
    I think you should speak to the principal about her behaviour

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  6. #4
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    Simple answer - she bullied your son. It's disgusting.
    I'm not much help but I feel terrible for your DS, you, your husband and your family.

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    No, not the problem parent at all. I can see why you'd be so angry. Can I suggest trying to approach the teacher in person first, just to clear up whether there has been any miscommunication, and so you can show that you've tried to manage the situation fairly. Then if you get no joy I would take it up with the principal. The reason I suggest this is she seems like the type of teacher that takes things out on her students, but if she can see you are pleasant and fair and just want to give her the benefit of the doubt then I think you are covering all bases.

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    That is a legit reason for being absent from a performance for sure! Obviously, he would still need to do a performance assessment in order to receive a grade for that task, but that could just be done in class. An audience is an audience, regardless of size. Absolutely no reason to shame him and others in front of the class. If he was playing in a group, it would be an inconvenience him not being there as a part would be missing - but again, a bloody legit reason for not being there. In that situation, the teacher just needs to suck it up and get over it.

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    You're not a problem parent! Your poor DS! I'd be a total mumma bear right now and be writing an email to the principal and organizing a meeting.

    Huge hugs anewme.

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    I feel angry for you, so can totally understand you being furious! You are not being unreasonable - the teacher really did the wrong thing here and several times over. I'd talk to the teacher first and if you aren't happy with the response then go to the principal.

    Your poor boy. School is not meant to be a harsh, mean place. Its meant to be a supportive learning environment - and that means supporting children through hard times such as families in grieving.


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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    No, not the problem parent at all. I can see why you'd be so angry. Can I suggest trying to approach the teacher in person first, just to clear up whether there has been any miscommunication, and so you can show that you've tried to manage the situation fairly. Then if you get no joy I would take it up with the principal. The reason I suggest this is she seems like the type of teacher that takes things out on her students, but if she can see you are pleasant and fair and just want to give her the benefit of the doubt then I think you are covering all bases.
    I get where your coming from and normally this is my way with dealing with problems. I am just so angry I feel like I will lose it at her.

    The principal and I know each other very well. We have been at the school for 9 years and I know she is really fair and will pull me up if she feels I am over stepping.

    This is where I am really torn. The teacher knows his self esteem problems as it was put in his learning support plan at the beginning of the term as a major problem the teachers need to consider when the modify his lesson plans. Yet she saw fit to shame him like this.

    We (his learning head learning support teacher and I) had already written off music as a expected fail. She had already told ds1 to priorities it as the lowest level of his time. Choosing to spend more time on the core subjects to get him to a C. We tried to transfer him out of her class last term but there was no where he could go.


    Dh is ropeable and I am glad he is away for the next few days.

    I wish I could just take him out of her class.


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    Hugs anewme. She sounds like she is a really hard teacher. I think your reasons for him not being there were perfectly understandable.

    As far as the early morning class goes is that an extra class or is it part of their timetable? I know some subjects fall outside of normal school hours in older years. Is it possible for him to get a lift on those days with someone else?

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