The prob is at the moment I have no sick leave left, hence why i am relying on my rec leave DS has drained all of my sick leave with his bugs he has come down with over the year. I should accrue more shortly id say. And we're just climbing over the mountain of bills at the moment so cant afford to go without any more pay just yet. Its just one thing after another at the moment!
On the plus side I am feeling in rather good spirits now... today it dawned on me that through out the wee of having ZERO to do with my mum... my relationship with my DS is soooo much closer! He is so clingy with me... wants to play with me, show me things... interact with me. He wasn't doing that so much before and I am not sure if it's because of how I was (head space wise) or maybe my mum in his life does interfere with my relationship with him? Possibly both ... but we have bonded so much in the past week - like we were already bonded, but now he seems to want me more...
But yeah just with me not speaking to her at all I have noticed a massive improvement, same with the inlaws haven't seen or spoken to them for a couple weeks now and it's gonna stay that way too. Even though i have moments where i feel sad its all gone to sh!t again ... the reality is I am so much better off! Spiritually, mentally...all of it.
I will definitely be still going to see someone though as i want to put a stop to any of the sad negative thoughts once and for all.