So I am no longer speaking to my mother.This is the second time we have had a falling out - basically I struggle to have her in my life after already a life time of control and abuse from her. She's not a stable person.... she is a classic narcissist and it effects me too much having anything to do with her.
We fell out this time after my recent depression hit me (she was partially the cause, as well as the inlaws and other things) and when i tried to speak to her about things that were upsetting me she got all defensive as she always does. i told her maybe we should have a breather from each other for a while - and then she said she'd rather not have me in her life and that my DH can look after me. She said that as a dig as well as she is still bitter to this day that my father was never a supportive husband, and her and my sister resent me for having a DH that stands up for me.... helps with DS.. etc.
I know she said it out of anger, but i don't care - she said it. So her wish is gladly my command. I blocked her number on my iphone (awesome new feature i discovered)... and apparently since the argument she has been trying to text me but not getting a response, so she now is texting my DH and telling him how well he looks after me and making out she cares how I am.
At first i felt annoyed that he had responded back to her. He told me he'd rather not blatantly ignore her this time round as it only fires her up more (which is true) and makes her hassle us more.
I just dont know how long ill be able to cope with her texting DH, making out she gives a **** after years of putting me through hell. I am happy to elaborate further if need be but its a long story of typical jealousy, her not coping with the fact she isn't my age anymore, she back stabs, manipulates... dominates... Puts me down constantly. Yeah you get the drift. She even stooped as low as cracking onto my DH once a few years ago when she was right in the thick of her ridiculous jealousy rampage she had with me... she behaved like a complete idiot. And tried to passionately kiss DH. The only way I have given her another chance since then was by understanding she is just a mental case and hates herself so much that she needs to try and make herself feel like she's better than me. So I forgave her, even though she never apologised.
I guess with knowing how she works, I know she is just trying to keep DH on her side...she loves the thought of her and him being a team against me,she always plays that card. She always jokes about the fact if DH and i ever split she'd be on his side because she just adores him so much. He cant stand her and he hates the way she treats me. And she makes him uncomfortable. But because she is a nut job, he wants to this time just respond to her text messages to shut her up to try and keep the drama from me.. but im not sure that it will...
Its just that it will make her even more convinced that I am in the wrong as usual, how I am a terrible daughter for not putting up with her **** and at least my DH knows who the good guy is (her) and she will most definitely tell people all of this, as she has in the past. Not that i should worry about that i guess. I don't even see any of that side of the family. They're pretentious and messed up. Dysfunctional.
Do you think its the better way to go that DH just keeps mum happy by replying to her messages? She is going to just love using him as her little message deliverer to get to me even more and try and get a reaction, and its going to be so hard to not take the bait and call her up and tell her to F off. But i don't want to sound immature or petty or even controlling by telling DH to ignore her, which i guess will put some heat onto him from her as it has in the past.... he feels she is impossible to reason with and she see's no fault ever in herself, even when she has been horrible. She's always the victim even if she was the cause of the argument/falling out. So he feels he's best to just give her simple responses to keep her happy and be done with it. Im not sure im comfortable with it though.
I just wish she'd leave me alone.
When I am in her life she goes off the rails and is horrible to me because she is so painfully insecure and not coping with the fact she is not a young woman getting attention from men anymore. She even says herself "You are more attractive than I ever was" and then everything about her behavior to me shows nothing but resentment. But she wants me in her life because I am her daughter and she has a right to be in mine, but she has absolutely no respect for me.. My feelings are just nothing to her.