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  1. #1
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    Default Ex blocking phone calls and holiday request

    Hi just wondering if any of you speak to your children when they are with their other parent.

    I am the primary carer and they go to their dads from Friday night to Sunday arvo every alternative weekend- for last 6 months

    my five and three year old tell me that their dad won't let them ring me and says 'no' if they ask,I say why don't you tell him you want to and my five year old told me 'that's backchat I'll get a smacked bum '

    so my five year old is fearful of asking to ring me

    my my ex now wants to take our kids on holiday for ten nights (so going from 2 nights to ten) I want to speak to them every day he wants me to speak to them 2 or 3 times when they are away as they get 'upset' talking to me! They will be 4 and 5 when they go away

    is it wrong to want to speak to my kids? I don't think it is my ex is like a child and says they won't go on holiday if I insist on speaking to them every day as it will ruin their holiday!

  2. #2
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    I have an agreement with mx ex that the kids can phone if they want to which I am trying to turn into consent orders. Do you have any legal orders in place?

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  4. #3
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    We have no legal orders in place. Might be worth considering though. I hate this constant pressure. I don't think it's unreasonable to speak to my four year lad and cove year old when they go away considering the most they don't speak to me at the minute is one day! On the other hand I understand my ex doesn't want to speak to me every day when they are trying to escape reality! Wish my kids were older and cld have a mobile phone!

  5. #4
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    These sorts of situations are difficult because I don't think anyone is right or wrong. They're your kids so of course you'd like to speak to them while they're away. Otoh, it can be really frustrating to have a child(ren) that is in a great mood before a phone call, but afterwards dissolves into tears because talking to the other parent reminds them that they miss the other parent. Plus they may be more prone to becoming upset the longer they're away if they're jumping from two nights away to ten nights.

    Could you arrange with Ex that he'd send a text to let you know a good time to call and then when you do call the kids can answer so that you and ex don't have to speak directly?

    Sorry I don't have much advice, but don't feel like you're being unreasonable in *wanting* to speak to them frequently, even if that's not what actually happens.

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  7. #5
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    Thanks for the advice.


    It's hard because I understand he doesn't want to upset them on the other hand,with their ages,I'm worried they won't understand where I've gone. Especially with the leap from two nights to ten.... My five year old doesn't like going anyway because he isn't allowed to ring me... (What kind of parent doesn't let their child ring the other?!)


    I've been the only constant for my kids and they have been through a lot
    On the other hand I really can't be bothered arguing with someone I despise- though I would do it for my kids well being.


    I guess I'm not sure how important it is to my kids that they speak to me every day? If they were going away with my parents I Wld speak to them every day...


    Sometimes I kind if feel I have to let things happen to my kids- and there is no point arguing etc because the abuse I get isn't worth it.


    I would love to just say fine take them I'll speak to them once every four days or so but I'm not convinced that's in my kids BEST INTERESTS


    For me the ten days will pass thinking that if I don't hear from him I can presume they aren't ill....

    - and I do think that if they get upset he should be able to spend five minutes comforting/distracting them

  8. #6
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    Not a single parent but when my brother takes his kids on holidays the agreement with his ex is the kids ring at bed time to say good night. Then there isn't a day ruined and the kids know that at bed time they talk to mum.

    Maybe see if he's happy with that?

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    My kids talk to my ex almost every night, and when they are with him, they speak to me every night. My kids ages are 11, 7, and 3. No matter what, we always allow them to speak to the other parent (obviously, when its apropriate as in, not at dinner time). I think its very important for the kids to know that each parent is always available to them.

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  12. #8
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    I agree it breaks my heart that my two very young children are told 'no they can't ring me' and that they don't ask again in case they get a smack.....

    I Wld never stop my kids ringing if they wanted to speak to him- it Wld be like five minutes out of their day...


    I have no trust that if they want to speak to me he will let them it's very hard... Debating giving my five year old a mobile though would probably be confiscated... So wish I could fast forward three years at least so that they can have a phone

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    Oh what a prat he is OP! And how petty he is not wanting them to ring you!

    I would put something in writing to him, that you've asked on multiple occasions if he will allow the boys to call you when they ask,and that way you have something in writing if ever needed for mediation or orders are put in place.

    I don't know what to say about this taking them away for ten days, it's your situation. But it gives me heart palpitations on your behalf. DS is 3 almost 4 and only recently started staying at his dads one night a fortnight and not even 2 full days either side of that, and we have an amicable relationship! At least the boys have each other though, that is surely comforting! But ten days, that's a very long time for such young kids, speak up if you're uneasy about it!

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  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by meredithgrey View Post
    I really don't think its that difficult.

    Child is asking to ring his mum (who is his primary carer)
    Ex-husband is refusing to let him with an indirect threat of physical abuse.

    That's emotional abuse and isn't okay.

    If the child wants to speak to their other parent then they should have free access to do so regardless, particularly when so young.

    I wouldn't be letting them go on holiday at all unless there was a very strong agreement (that I could trust in good faith!) that my children be allowed to ring me whenever they want to.
    I've seen situations where a previously happy child would get off the phone with their other parent and spend an extended period of time afterwards quite upset. Certainly the parent the children are with should be sympathetic and comfort the child, but this situation can be disruptive and also distressing to the child. If this were the case, I can understand why the ex might not want the call to go ahead right away. I certainly don't think there should be no calls, especially at the ages mentioned.

    If the situation is similar to what I've mentioned, then allowing the child to call immediately could be problematic if they want to call in the middle of an activity and the call and calming afterwards will take half an hour and the activity would be missed. In this case having a pre-arranged call time may work better because then the children know they will get to call and approximately when it will happen and OP would know to be available so they don't play phone tag (because the ex might very well say 'no answer, you tried, bad luck' and that's not fair either).

    As for threats of smacking, It's not my thing and I wouldn't do it but I do recognise that I don't get to make that decision for other people.

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