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  1. #1
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    Default Becoming a stay at home mum for the first time - freaking out

    DH is going back to work next week & im freaking out about being home all day by myself with the baby. He's much better with our 3 week old DS than me.

    I just never know what he wants or what is wrong with him. Like now for example - he has a clean nappy, he just fed for an hour, he's been burped, he doesnt feel too hot or too cold, I gave him a hug - nothing works, he will not stop screaming! He keeps spitting his dummy out. I have no clue what is wrong & ive tried everything to make him stop.

    DH can settle him in no time, but with me - he'd scream all day. I have no clue why he wont settle for me or what im meant to do when im here by myself. I feel horrible just leaving him to scream all day but I honestly dont know what else to do.

    Earlier I put him down in his cot so I could use the bathroom & he completely cracked up & I could not calm him down. I cant really take him to the toilet with me & I cant just not go to the toilet all day, so what am I meant to do?

    How do I do anything else? Like since DH went out today all ive done is change DS, feed him & then sit here trying to settle him & figure out what is wrong. Im thirsty & hungry but I just dont see how im meant to get time to get myself anything to eat or drink because of DS.

    I just feel like I have no idea how to look after him, I feel like such a bad mum & I wish DH wasnt going back to work!

    Has anyone else experienced this??

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    Last edited by heartstringz; 25-07-2014 at 15:24.

  2. #2
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    Completely normal first time mum anxiety

    You have to look after yourself too, so as long as bub is safe leave him in his bassi and go use the toilet, brush you teeth, grab a drink etc.

    Have you heard of an app called 'baby ears'? I found it really useful to learn to distinguish cries, hungry from needing to burp from tired from gas etc.

    Perhaps he has some tummy pain? Try some bicycle legs with him or some gentle clockwise tummy massage. I found this was often the cause of DD's otherwise unexplained screaming.

    Do you have any family that could pop in for a half hour here or there to let you shower, have a good lunch etc?

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  4. #3
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    I dont drive. I try & take him for a walk in the pram when I can but it doesnt help for the rest of the day

    Everyone works full time so no-one could come till the evening when dh will be home anyway

    If I leave him in his bassinet so I can get food etc how do I calm him down afterwards? I cant get him to stop crying if I leave him to do something. I cant use a sling due to neck issues & supposedly he cant be in ababy bjorn all day

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    Last edited by heartstringz; 25-07-2014 at 15:40.

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    Do you have a wrap or carrier? My newborn lives in it. You will have you hands free; you can go to the toilet. Your baby will hopefully sleep. He's still very young, it will get easier I promise! If he's been awake for over an hour he is probably just tired. You need to eat and drink, you need to take care of yourself. He will pick up on you feeling bad and being stressed so do what you can to minimise that.

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  7. #5
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    Also prepare for not being able to do much. Before your DH leaves for work get him to make a couple of sandwiches and put them, some fruit, muesli bars and a pop top water bottle in the lounge room or wherever it is that you sit and feed him. That way you can eat and drink while you're feeding.

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  9. #6
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    I have a baby bjorn but I dont think he can be in it all day. I cant use a sling due to neck issues

    I think he is tired but I cant make him sleep. Even sitting in a dark quiet room doesnt help

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    Oh I'm sorry to hear. Do you think you would be able to use a stretchy wrap? The weight is distributed evenly so not sure if that would work with your issues? This is what I use around the house and I honestly don't know how I would get through the day without it (I have a 2 yr old too). I have a spare one I would be more than happy to send to you.

    I know it's easy to say but I would encourage you to try anything you can to get him to sleep. This is going on my experience only of course but my toddler was so constantly unsettled as a baby and looking back I really think she was just constantly overtired. My newborn is so much easier and chilled and while of course personality plays a part I really think it's due to me making sure she gets as much sleep as possible.

    I hope things look up soon!

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    A different structured carrier might work too? One that supports babe knee to knee is fine to use all day and shouldn't cause you issues with your neck. I also have a spare one of these I can send you on loan (boba).

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  14. #9
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    A swing was a lifesaver in the early days for me, I had a battery operated one, which was great to put dd in to have a minute to myself. Anything along those lines (rocker/swing etc) could help soothe your little one so you can give yourself a little break.
    The other thing that helped was pushing the pram around in the house, the best thing is to find a bump (you know where your flooring changes from carpet to a hard surface) and just go backward and forwards, it can take a while, but sometimes that movement is enough to calm them down!
    Most importantly remember this won't last forever!

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    heartstringz  (25-07-2014),SHAELEEJANE  (26-07-2014)

  16. #10
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    Thanks! I have friends who have different carriers (wraps & structured things) so I'll see if I can try a few out

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