I have two beautiful boys and I suffer from PND. Oh my goodness I can't believe how hard that was to write!
I struggled for 6+ months after DS2 was born until I finally to admit that I needed help, and started on zoloft. I'm now feeling much better, although the guilt I feel for those first few months remains.
Today I sat down and got my thoughts down on paper which has helped. I wish I could turn back the clock and tell myself all of this - and I hope you don't mind - but I wanted to share.
Sending love to everyone who needs it
I know you. I've been there. I look at you and I see myself.
I've sat there holding my baby and sobbing because it all feels so wrong. I've laid there under the covers wishing the world would go away. I've walked around in a fog because it hurt too much to feel.
I know the guilt that is engulfing you because you are convinced that you are not good enough, that your baby deserves better. I know what it is to wonder, quietly and terrified, if you even love your baby. I know the pain that is so deep that it is almost physical.
I'm here to tell you that the sun will shine again. That the light will return to your life. That one day you will emerge from the fog and see clearly. That one day your heart will hurt so much because there isn't room for all the love you feel for your baby. The baby that you have always loved.
I'm here to tell you that it will be more than ok - it will be wonderful.