+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,740
    Thanks
    140
    Thanked
    455
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger

    Default A letter to myself

    Hi ladies,

    I have two beautiful boys and I suffer from PND. Oh my goodness I can't believe how hard that was to write!

    I struggled for 6+ months after DS2 was born until I finally to admit that I needed help, and started on zoloft. I'm now feeling much better, although the guilt I feel for those first few months remains.

    Today I sat down and got my thoughts down on paper which has helped. I wish I could turn back the clock and tell myself all of this - and I hope you don't mind - but I wanted to share.

    Sending love to everyone who needs it

    I know you. I've been there. I look at you and I see myself.

    I've sat there holding my baby and sobbing because it all feels so wrong. I've laid there under the covers wishing the world would go away. I've walked around in a fog because it hurt too much to feel.

    I know the guilt that is engulfing you because you are convinced that you are not good enough, that your baby deserves better. I know what it is to wonder, quietly and terrified, if you even love your baby. I know the pain that is so deep that it is almost physical.

    I'm here to tell you that the sun will shine again. That the light will return to your life. That one day you will emerge from the fog and see clearly. That one day your heart will hurt so much because there isn't room for all the love you feel for your baby. The baby that you have always loved.

    I'm here to tell you that it will be more than ok - it will be wonderful.
    Last edited by Hamilicious; 24-07-2014 at 18:27.

  2. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Hamilicious For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (24-07-2014),btmacxxx  (24-07-2014),Daisy Duck  (25-07-2014),Gothel  (24-07-2014),Purple Lily  (24-07-2014),Que Sera  (24-07-2014),rubytuesday24  (09-05-2015),Silver flute  (24-07-2014),~Marigold~  (24-07-2014)

  3. #2
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    7,039
    Thanks
    9,662
    Thanked
    4,985
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    So beautiful, thank you so much for sharing. You have me in tears.
    As a depression sufferer myself in the past, I feel you really hit the nail on the head. I've always said, if I could have one person give me some advice during my darkest hours, it would be "this won't last forever. You will be ok."
    You said it perfectly.

    Sent from my GT-S7500T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to ~Marigold~ For This Useful Post:

    Hamilicious  (24-07-2014)

  5. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    7,668
    Thanks
    5,719
    Thanked
    3,068
    Reviews
    25
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Said perfectly lovely Having suffered pnd both times It's nice to read something like this xo

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Purple Lily For This Useful Post:

    Hamilicious  (24-07-2014)

  7. #4
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Stressame Street
    Posts
    6,515
    Thanks
    2,368
    Thanked
    2,113
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Oh my!! That is just so... spot on. It's painful for me to think back to how I used to feel, but I can see my old self in every word you wrote. It's good to be on the other side looking back but for anyone reading along who is still in that fog, every word written above is true. It's NOT forever, you WILL get better and your heart will explode with the wonder and awe of being a mum. Be kind and gentle and nurturing with yourself. Thanks for writing @Hamilicious

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Gothel For This Useful Post:

    Hamilicious  (24-07-2014)

  9. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,740
    Thanks
    140
    Thanked
    455
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    Thanks ladies. That's just it @Gothel, now that I am on the other side - well almost, I'm nowhere near ready to go off my meds - I want to shout out how good life is.

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    QLD
    Posts
    2,247
    Thanks
    441
    Thanked
    1,522
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    300 posts in a week - week ended 11/9/14200 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 11/9/14100 Posts in a week
    Wow. So beautiful written. Thank you for sharing.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Best Things For This Useful Post:

    Hamilicious  (24-07-2014)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    190
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    52
    Reviews
    0
    Wonderfully written and so brave to share! Thank you!

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Strawberry Blonde For This Useful Post:

    Hamilicious  (24-07-2014)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,740
    Thanks
    140
    Thanked
    455
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    Well today is my birthday and I'm feeling quite reflective so wanted to come back and share, if that's ok.

    12 months ago I was in the darkest place I've ever been. I wanted to leave my DH and I couldn't see a way out of the hole I was in. I guess it goes without saying that my 30th birthday was pretty flat!

    A few days later I went and saw my GP and started on the road to recovery, and here I am, a year older and in a completely different place. I am happy.

    We've certainly had some challenges in the past year - an unexpected pregnancy has shaken things up a bit, and I'm now on a half dose of my antidepressants. I have tried to stop them completely a few times but it just hasn't worked, so I'm remaining on them for the foreseeable future. I am excited about the arrival of our new baby later in the year and feel a huge sense of relief because this time I know that if the darkness closes in again I will just put my hand up for help.

    Much like the letter I wrote to myself above - I'd love to be able to go back a year and tell me that it's all going to be wonderful.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Letter for paternity leave
    By Mod-Nomsie in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 23-08-2013, 19:33
  2. Premmie letter!
    By joalisha in forum Premmie babies
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-08-2013, 21:46

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Bamboo Lulu
Super soft, fun prints & basics for baby, made from bamboo & organic cotton plus non-toxic wooden toys. • Hypoallergenic - perfect for eczema relief • Everything needed to shop for a baby shower • 10% off + FREE gift with purchase. Use code BUBHUB
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
121Temps
For the last 10 years 121 Temps has helped thousands of personal assistants/others to set up and work as a virtual assistant from home. Our services include: - One-2-One Mentoring - Online training/courses - Handbook, Toolkits, Templates & more.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!