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  1. #1
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    Default Help please. No negative comments please

    I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety a few years a go.

    My problem now is. I am physically ill with worry and having mild panic attacks about my partner cheating on me this weekend. He is going on a bacholres (bucks) party and he will be on a party bus and leaving at 11am. He wont be home till the next day. I know him. He gets very horny when he gets drunk. He has never given me a reason not to trust him. But I have been hurt so many times. For the past few nights I have had some very vivid dreams about him with other women. After having my baby. I feel horrible about my body. Not attractive at all. Please give me some advice?? I dont have money for my meds

  2. #2
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    Oh hun what you're going through is such a horrible feeling. Is there any chance you can get your LO looked after and head out for a night out as well? To keep yourself busy?

    I feel over coming this sort of thing starts with yourself and your own self esteem. It can be very hard to rationalize with yourself if you don't feel good about yourself (I have been there)

    You need to realise you are more than good enough for your partner and all that he needs... and when people cheat its generally because they don't feel they are good enough themselves, not that their partner isn't good enough.

    Do you feel confident in your relationship in general? Other than your fears when your partner goes out.... are things otherwise good? Do you know that he loves you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity Love View Post
    Oh hun what you're going through is such a horrible feeling. Is there any chance you can get your LO looked after and head out for a night out as well? To keep yourself busy?

    I feel over coming this sort of thing starts with yourself and your own self esteem. It can be very hard to rationalize with yourself if you don't feel good about yourself (I have been there)

    You need to realise you are more than good enough for your partner and all that he needs... and when people cheat its generally because they don't feel they are good enough themselves, not that their partner isn't good enough.

    Do you feel confident in your relationship in general? Other than your fears when your partner goes out.... are things otherwise good? Do you know that he loves you?
    Yeah I feel good with our relationship. We tell each other we love each other every day. I will start planning our wedding next week. But this feeling just wont go away! I will be staying with my parents for the night with my baby girl. I dont feel comfortable leaving her. She is only 3 months old. Yes we fight. But its mostly because of my anxiety. I just wish I could turn my mind off. How do I get over this horrible feeling? I cant eat because I just feel so ill. I am so scared.

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    Is he usually understanding? If so, I'd ask him to check in with you a couple of times during the night on the phone. It might relieve your tension.

    Sent from my GT-S7500T using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Yeah he is very understanding. I honestly dont wanna feel like this. Deep down I trust him. But my mind is going crazy with all these thoughts. I can see how it will happen and that is making me ill. You cant control what you do when you are drunk.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lollie1990 View Post
    Yeah he is very understanding. I honestly dont wanna feel like this. Deep down I trust him. But my mind is going crazy with all these thoughts. I can see how it will happen and that is making me ill. You cant control what you do when you are drunk.
    You absolutely can control yourself even when drunk. It all comes down to the individual. Does your partner show skill in keeping himself in check? Does he become an idiot when he is drunk?

    My theory is if someone cheats because they were drunk - they actually wanted to cheat in the first place and the alcohol gave them the willingness to do it.

    If you trust your partner, then that's a pretty good telling sign he wont do anything wrong by you.

    Plenty of people go out and can get drunk and stay faithful to their partners.

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    He does become an complete idiot when he is drunk. He is going with his brother and he does what ever his brother tells him to do. That scares me the most. Its like he wants to impress his brother. Dont know what do to. Even if he does hook up with a girl. How will I know? I will just be the wife too dumb enough to see the signs.

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    You wont be too dumb enough.... if he cheated you wouldn't be the dumb one, he would be!

    I definitely think its a good idea to get him to check on you through the night. It might help hearing his voice, hearing how the night is going ...

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    Oh,

    Our anxious minds love to create stories for us, don't they?! And unfortunately we tend to hone in on thoughts that are negative more often than not. But please know that the thoughts and the dreams you're having are just stories that your mind is making up. They are not reality, particularly as you say he's never given you any reason not to trust him.

    Talk to him about how you are feeling. I think if your DP is happy to check in with you a few times during the night then great. But, by the same token, it is a buck's night and he may get teased by the other buck's party attendees, is that likely to sway his actions so he then doesn't check in?

    Can you try writing down your negative thoughts and then look at them realistically and counteract them with a neutral or more positive thought?

    A couple of questions that I've learned to ask myself from an anxiety workshop are:
    Is this thought helpful? In your case, the answer is no. You then challenge the thought by asking yourself:
    Where is the evidence to suggest that this thought is true?
    Does it really make sense?
    What would I say to a friend if this situation was theirs?
    Am I confusing a thought/feeling with a fact?

    When I'm having a lot of negative thoughts that are making me anxious, I like to add the phrase "I'm having the thought that..." before it. It just seems to give me a bit of distance from the thought itself, so it doesn't feel as real.

    I feel for you! It's so hard to break out of that negative spiral when you're in the midst of it. I hope you can get the reassurance you need from your DP.

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  12. #10
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    Yeah. I just hope I can convince him to do it. He is already saying I am too controlling. I am scared out of my mind. I love him so much. Losing him would kill half of me. I have already gone through a horrible divorce. I cant stand losing somebody else.


 

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