My sister and her husband asked for the gender to be written on a piece of paper for them to later decide. She did look and he didn't. She didn't tell him that she'd looked either. It came up after the birth when he was saying how much of a surprise it was and she fessed up and said "actually, not for me". He was peeved at first but she told him it was his decision to not know and not hers. He got over it pretty quickly.
Nope I wouldn't go behind DH's back. If he found out I did that he would be so upset and shattered, not worth it. DH really really wanted to know - more than I didn't want to know - so we found out. We celebrated by going out after the 20 week scan and it was lovely being able to share the news together. Similarly if we were to find out at the birth, I'd want us to be able to celebrate it together, as I am sure your DH probably wants to as well.
Also just to add the main reason she didn't tell him she knew was so he wouldn't read into everything she said about he or she when referring to the baby. If she did slip up and say "he" her DH was none the wiser as he didn't know she knew.
I think personally in the scheme of life there are bigger things to get upset about.
I personally dont believe it would be ok to find out without telling DP! Imagine if it was the other way around? DP found out and didnt tell you?
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Part of me thinks it's deceptive & the other part gets annoyed at our cultural belief that we have to tell our partners everything.
If it was me, I'd respect his choice not to know and leave it at that. There are some issues where the "no" argument wins automatically by default & this is probably one of them.
Completely without your partner knowing = dodgy.
Finding an arrangement so that the person that wants to find out does, and the person that doesn't want to find out also gets their way whilst knowing their partner is finding out = not dodgy.
It certainly would prove an interesting few months of concealing gender specific purchases and watching your he's and she's in front of them, but I guess why not! (To the second option, that is)
I did. Dh came to 12 wk and 20 wk scan so I couldn't find out because he didn't want to know. We also told our obgyn that we didn't want to know so he wouldn't tell me even when he wasn't there. I booked a private scan in a different town to find out. Sneaky yes! But i figure I am the one growing the baby so I have the right to know if I am growing a willy or a vajaja.
if it was reversed I wouldn't care if dh found out.
Last edited by Ashfirst; 23-07-2014 at 15:30.
My DH didn't want to know and I did as we already have 3 boys and if it was another boy I knew I would be a little disappointed and I wanted to deal with that beforehand. I found out which he knows about (another boy which I am thrilled about now) however I have to be really careful when talking about the baby that I don't slip and now think I should have just waited because it is really hard having to pre think everything I say. I could never have lied about knowing though we talk about everything.
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