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  1. #1
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    Default Finding out the gender of your baby secretly without your partner - dodgy?

    So, I was talking to my bf today and she was asking me whether we planned to find out the babies gender at our 20 week scan. I said that I reallllly want to but that DH is dead set against it, and won't even let me find out in case I accidentally spill the beans. So she said to me, well why don't you go to the 3d place I went to and find out on your own and not tell DH? I thought that seemed a bit, I don't know, wrong? Deceitful? It didn't sit right with my regardless. She said nup, it's your body your choice, if you want to know then you should, what he doesn't know won't hurt him. She didn't think it was a big deal.

    Is it just me? I feel like it is a big deal, but maybe it isn't? Either way I'm not going to do it, but I'm interested to hear what others think!

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    Butterfly39  (23-07-2014)

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    For me it a bit of both.

    Her body her choice - Yes.

    To not tell your dh that you are or you did find out - bad for your relationship. IMO plain wrong.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 23-07-2014 at 16:09.

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    ozeymumof5  (23-07-2014)

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    I'd possibly find out, but I'd tell him that I had. My view is that his wish not to find out doesn't outweigh your wish to find out (and vice versa). So, why not both get your way? (FWIW, I'd struggle to not accidentally blurt it out, though!)

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    I think it's wrong.
    What if it was the other way around and DH found out secretly without your knowledge, how would you feel.. That's how I would think about it..
    How about at the birth when he is so excited to find out the sex and you have to pretend to be surprised.. You would remember that moment forever.

    But then I don't think there should be any secrets especially big things like that!

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    penny92  (24-07-2014)

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    It's your body your choice but it's his baby too and I'd feel so wrong and deceitful if I did that to DP.

    He'd be so excited at the birth and you'd already know and for the sake of knowing 20 weeks earlier is it worth the lies and sneakiness? Not for me, but everyone has their own opinions.

    Him wanting to keep it a secret doesn't outweigh you wanting to know but to do it behind his back is wrong IMHO. Probably best to keep discussing it with him and decide together what to do.

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    penny92  (24-07-2014)

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    I love this! It's very progressive and cool.

    Ofcourse you can find out... DH will cope.

    I think its hilarious, and the best part will be teasing him for months going 'I know something you don't know......'

    This is isn't the 50s, you are entitled to make a decision without your husband lol

    Go 4 it!
    Last edited by Butterfly39; 23-07-2014 at 15:32.

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    I'm always curious how long someone can go before it slips out. Surely as soon as you bought something that was slightly gender specific it would be obvious?

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    penny92  (24-07-2014)

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    My DF was adament that he doesn't want to find out, I wouldn't have minded finding out if I'm totally honest but we we did discuss me finding out but both agreed I would have slipped up. I personally think its a bit wrong to find out in secret and I would feel funny about it. Howver, if you can get him to agree and you can keep it secret thats another story. I think its a bit mean that if you find out and he doesn't know that you know, you have the baby and then have to act all surprised when you find out the gender....not really how I would want life as a family to start out

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    I wouldn't go behind his back but I also wouldn't be told by him whether or not I could find out.

    I'd be more inclined to just say to your DH "I'm respecting your wish to not find out so you can respect mine to find out".

    Or as I would put it "pi$$ off DH I'll do as I please"

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    I couldn't do it, but mainly because I'd definitely let it slip.


 

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