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  1. #1
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    Default Overwhelmed with support...

    I have been living with pnd/depression/anxiety/alcohol abuse for some time now. I have 2 young children. About 2 mths ago I sought out help.
    Im speechless, I feel I'm not deserving of their time.
    i have been allocated full time funded child care, in which I will take 2 days. To make it to my scheduled counselling appts.
    I can't process it. I can't process how and why people want to help me and my family.
    i have struggled with depression for 10+ years. Only now, once I had dependant children of my own, I knew this wasn't what I wanted for them. How I felt, I knew was not right. I forgot the last time I smiled. I wondered if my children ever see me smile.

    i knew help was out there. I just didn't know there was so much of it. Once you make that first call to the right people, the ball starts rolling straight away. Before you know it, your whole week is scheduled with help and support appts. On top of that, I have funded day care so I can get to all of these appts.
    Please don't judge me, I have no family or friends. I have chosen not to tell our families about my personal issues for my own reasons.

    I feel undeserving. Almost as if I am 'taking advantage' of the system. There are worse people off. Can't I just snap out of this and wake upto myself? - although it seems I am beyond that.
    also, all this attention, all of a sudden. Really makes me feel undeserving. Vulnerable and as if I'm wasting people's time.

    Basically, I'm having trouble processing all the help I am recovering ATM, yet I am beyond greatful.

  2. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Little Miss Muffet For This Useful Post:

    BH-KatiesMum  (21-07-2014),Busy-Bee  (21-07-2014),RipperRita  (21-07-2014),~Marigold~  (21-07-2014)

  3. #2
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    You deserve it! That's great You're not wasting anyone's time, you're investing in your life.

    I think it could be worthwhile sharing how you got the ball rolling. I know there are members here who gave struggled to get any sort of help when they were extremely desperate.

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    BH-KatiesMum  (21-07-2014),Little Miss Muffet  (21-07-2014)

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    Beautiful post...

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    Little Miss Muffet  (21-07-2014)

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    Help is there for a reason. Embrace it and accept all of the help and support you are offered. Do it for yourself and for your children.

    Mental health is not taken seriously enough by the general public which is why people find themselves feeling similarly to you. It is debilitating and I am so so so glad to hear that you are seeking help and everything is coming together for you x

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    Little Miss Muffet  (21-07-2014)

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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    You deserve it! That's great You're not wasting anyone's time, you're investing in your life.

    I think it could be worthwhile sharing how you got the ball rolling. I know there are members here who gave struggled to get any sort of help when they were extremely desperate.
    Basically, I mustered up courage to talk to my gp. I told him everything. Laid my cards out straight, told him how it is, day after day.
    i saw a mental health nurse straight after that gp appt. who was lovely. We talked and connected. I knew she understood me. She got me in contact with organistatiins specific to my needs - which were pnd and alcohol counselling. Through a mental health plan. Everything was free and ongoing support.
    I was put on anti depressants straight away and later on, after seeing a psychiatrist associated with my pnd counsellor, she perscribed me Valium for my anxiety and alcohol dependency.
    My pnd counsellor took me to AA meetings. Sat with me for support and even cancelled her meetings to be with me. She said she saw something in me. She got me into meditation apps (free) and I am addicted.

    i am now trying to "find myself" again. I'm not just a mum. I'm now, just realising what I am capable of and what I enjoy. Who was I before the depression?

    its a hard long road, but I am glad I am surrounded by peo
    Ple who "get me". Yet I'm still so overwhelmed with their support.

    yet tonight I find myself drinking. Copious amounts. I feel guilty. Ashamed. I just want to bury all those feelings and be able to accept ..... My life and the people here wanting to help me. But I feel undeserving. I feel like crap.
    Last edited by Little Miss Muffet; 21-07-2014 at 21:54.

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  11. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Muffet View Post
    Basically, I mustered up courage to talk to my gp. I told him everything. Laid my cards out straight, told him how it is, day after day.
    i saw a mental health nurse straight after that gp appt. who was lovely. We talked and connected. I knew she understood me. She got me in contact with organistatiins specific to my needs - which were pnd and alcohol counselling. Through a mental health plan. Everything was free and ongoing support.
    I was put on anti depressants straight away and later on, after seeing a psychiatrist associated with my pnd counsellor, she perscribed me Valium for my anxiety and alcohol dependency.
    My pnd counsellor took me to AA meetings. Sat with me for support and even cancelled her meetings to be with me. She said she saw something in me. She got me into meditation apps (free) and I am addicted.

    i am now trying to "find myself" again. I'm not just a mum. I'm now, just realising what I am capable of and what I enjoy. Who was I before the depression?

    its a hard long road, but I am glad I am surrounded by peo
    Ple who "get me". Yet I'm still so overwhelmed with their support.

    yet tonight I find myself drinking. Copious amounts. I feel guilty. Ashamed. I just want to bury all those feelings and be able to accept ..... My life and the people here wanting to help me. But I feel undeserving. I feel like crap.
    Thanks for sharing! You are as deserving as anybody, be kind to yourself. Meditation can help with letting negative thoughts go - try to remind yourself that it's just a thought not a truth. You won't feel like crap forever

  12. #7
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    than you for sharing LMM

    and I agree wholeheartedly with babyla - you DO deserve it.

    You are not undeserving of so much help ... you are not 'taking advantage' ... you need help and are accepting it. That is fantastic.

    If you had a broken leg, and you received medical treatment for that, would you be undeserving?


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