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  1. #21
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    Oh missem

    Can I just say that I haven't had great experiences with counselors in the past but the social workers through the community nurses have been fantastic. They specialize in women's post partum mental health all of them are women and can sympathize a lot better then any of the general counselors. This is my experience

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    ozeymumof5  (21-07-2014)

  3. #22
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    oh hun

    Have you tried contacting your MHN? It does sound like serious PND issues (which of course are not helped by a lot of the other stuff).

    Your hormones are all over the place, lack of sleep, lack of support from anyone around you .... those things build up. And they cause major physical issues. Its not something you can just 'get over'.

    and its not your fault. Just like you cant help getting the flu .. you cant help getting depression.

    So you need to go and see someone. Not someone who is going to send you away, but someone who will actually help

    In the mean time - do you have friends around who might be able to look after the kiddies for a while so that you can
    a) get some sleep,
    b) have a deep and meaningful convo with your partner and explain how far you are sinking and how he has to help you,
    and c) a chance to go to counseling.

    In the mean time - we are here to listen and to help wherever or however we can.


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    Mama Mirabelle  (21-07-2014)

  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissEm View Post
    My babies deserve a better mum than I can be
    Bull crap. Your babies need their mumma. And YOU deserve to get to the point where you are enjoying raising your babies with your hubby. This is achievable. You can do it.

    Having a bub can be $hit in the early days. My ds2 is 5 months now and things were a bit rough the first few months. Add NICU on top of that and you have faced more than your fair share of stress.

    Sorry you had such a $hit time with that other counsellor. Perhaps your GP could recommend someone who was a little more empathetic? Or perhaps connecting with a group of women with PND would be helpful? (GP should be able to help out).

    Don't be so hard on yourself regarding hubby. Don't aim to have your sex life back to normal, or even at all (yet) if it's too much stress. Start little: when you are feeling stressed be totally honest with hubby (eg "I am so tired now I am feeling physically ill. I can feel myself getting cranky."). Talk about feelings instead of jumping into specific tasks.

    So sorry you are feeling this way Hang in there. Xxx

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  7. #24
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    missem. hugs and much love to you. you are dealing with so much, you need help. have you contacted lifeline or you mchn. im sorry you have had such a bad time with counsellors but pleas don't give up on them. there must be a good one for you. where are you located? I wonder if there is any bubhub people who could come by and check on you? please, if you can do nothing else, atleast keep posting so we can keep supporting you through the computer screens. hugs, Marie.

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    Mama Mirabelle  (21-07-2014)

  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissEm View Post
    My babies deserve a better mum than I can be
    No, your babies need you as their mum but they need you to be well. NICU can bring on a kind of PTSD on its own, let alone with past issues to deal with as well. Its been 4 years since DS was in NICU as a newborn and I still have trouble dealing with certain aspects of it. Some people survive the NICU stage by emotionally disconnecting. Its like the hospital owns your baby all of a sudden -they make all these decisions, they tell you when you can and can't hold your baby, when you can and can't comfort them, how to feed them etc.

    After that it can be difficult reconnecting again. But please believe that it gets better. It really does.

    I know you've had a terrible experience with a counsellor before but there are some amazing psychologists and counsellors out there. The key is to keep looking and trying them out until you find one that you click with. Eventually you'll find one who really gets you.

    Please, please, please speak to your GP, or maternal health nurse and tell them how bad things are. They won't judge you they will set steps in motion to help you. Just focus on one step at a time.

    It might be difficult to see it right now looking through the fog of stress, anxiety and despair, but you are an amazing woman who has the strength to get through this. You just need some help - much like how someone with a broken bone needs a cast to support their bones to mend, you need a professional to help support your emotional hurts to get better.

    Good luck, and big hugs.

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  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by maternidade View Post
    Does he have Pnd?
    Yes, he sounds like my husband (who also said no he wasn't depressed and made 1000 excuses - including blaming what I was or wasn't doing). I thought he'd cope better with number 2 as he knew what to expect, but nope! He depends on me a lot and really falls apart when I can't 'look after' him, he's the same when I go away on a trip.

    Have you seen a psychologist or just a counsellor? I saw a counsellor initially and, while they validated my feelings, they did little more than say "oh yes, I can see why you are having panic attacks, that's a lot more than most people I see have to deal with". They gave me a couple of tips but nothing in terms of long term strategies. I felt they weren't used to dealing with such big problems. Years later I finally saw a psychologist and she was a great help. I saw her on a medicare care plan, so low cost. I think you need someone you not only have a rapport with, but who can help with real actions to take to make change, sets homework, etc. Not just a listening ear.

  12. #27
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    @MissEm. You poor thing! Your husband sounds like he needs a good kick up the but for starters. Comments like 'well you wanted her' are nothing short of cruel. He has a responsibly as her father to support you and care for her. It's meant to be a team effort. I also have a mother I barely talk to which is for my own mental health. She obviously isn't going to be any support so best left until you have the strength again. You definitely need professional help as your drowning Hun. Please see your GP and don't leave until you have a referral. A good counceller is there to help you unpack all the different issues and cope with them rather than feeling them pile up. It sounds like you need to take care of you first and then goto couples therapy together. When communication breaks down like it has then professional advice WILL help. It's important to find a counceller that you click with tho so don't be discouraged if the first one is average. Sometimes it's trial and error but when you find them your life will improve. Promise.

    BTW - when I say counsellor I mean trained psychologist.


    Me 33 PCOS
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    Clomid #2- 100mg 26/12/13 - Ovulated yay!! - BFN
    TTC Break over
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    Last edited by amiracle4me; 21-07-2014 at 12:10.

  13. #28
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    I found counsellors and psychologists pretty useless. The only thing that helped me was a stay in hospital, a psychiatrist, mental health nurses as well as attending a mental health day program... But even then it was a long road back to recovery.

    IMO, you have to hit this stuff with the big guns and go straight to the specialists rather than fluff around with trying to find a counsellor you gel with etc.

    Next time you have an "episode" call an ambulance.... Seriously, I have in the past. They were wonderful, very understanding. Be honest, tell them everything and ask to be assessed by the mental health team at hospital.

    If you want a friend pm me.. If your close to brisbane I can recommend places and people I've seen.

    Be kind to yourself... This WILL pass

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  15. #29
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    Am in Southern Tas and pretty limited for travel as I don't driveand find taking the kids out really stressful right now.

    I am seeing a Dr today for my daughter and will see what she says about talking to someone.

    Are there any places I can call or better yet email?

    Thank you all for your advice so far it is helping me a bit. Can I ask what stratagies were you advised that seemed to help?

    I am struggling with so many things right now.

  16. #30
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    @MissEm. Try Beyond Blue 1300 224636


    Me 33 PCOS
    DH 38 Low Morphology 😔
    TTC#1 since Oct 2012
    Clomid #1- 50mg 11/11/13 - No ovulation 😔
    Clomid #2- 100mg 26/12/13 - Ovulated yay!! - BFN
    TTC Break over
    Nurses appt 27th June
    ICSI #1 - July sometime


 

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