+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 41
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    703
    Thanks
    358
    Thanked
    285
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    And I agree with previous posters, that you could really benefit from seeing your nurse or GP for a referral for some counselling, regardless of whether your partner is getting help. You don't need to put up with these feelings. There is good help out there.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    6,028
    Thanks
    5,464
    Thanked
    4,401
    Reviews
    20
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    The nicu journey is such an emotional roller coaster and it's hard adjusting from leaving so much of the care in the hands of other people to bringing bub home and finally being able to just look after bub yourself.

    I don't know why your bub was in nicu, but it's usually such a whirlwind and you don't get the chance to reflect until you finally have bub home, so it can be a lot of built up emotions to deal with suddenly.

    It's a great first step that you can acknowledge that your feelings aren't 'normal'. Speak to your gp or mchn and get some counselling, it will help immensely.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Perth, Western Australia
    Posts
    1,914
    Thanks
    364
    Thanked
    1,502
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    The NICU is HARD, do NOT underestimate the effect it can have on you and your relationship, even if you felt reasonably calm about it while you were in there. I am still struggling with different aspects of my NICU journey with my daughter some 2 years on.

    I sought counselling, and at the right time, it did really help. My DH and I had struggles when we came home - germs, who could visit, how strictly to take on board with the NICU nurses had said etc, we have got past them all.

    Good luck

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,102
    Thanks
    891
    Thanked
    630
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    You are so brave to post this, it takes a lot of courage to say those words out loud! Like many other posters, I also went through these same feelings after my DD was born. I didn't know how to verbalise it but I also felt just exhausted and that there was such a distance between DH and I. I remember saying to him that I missed him and he didn't understand but I felt I had been replaced almost. No one bothered to ask about me or visit me, it was all about DD and I felt very isolated.

    Please don't think you are abnormal or that you are the only one to feel this way, these feelings are so common but unfortunately we usually don't talk openly about it. I urge you to speak to you doctor or nurse about your feelings, you will be amazed the world of difference that speaking to someone about it will make.

    Hang in there, it will get easier. My DD and I are now so close, we can't get enough of each other! My initial feelings towards her have not affected our bond in any way. With the right help and some time these feelings will pass, just take things day by day and be kind to yourself.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Queensland
    Posts
    1,450
    Thanks
    288
    Thanked
    361
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Big hugs Miss Em x The early days are really hard, especially after a rough start. I agree that it would be good to reach out to your Dr or CHN to ask for a referral to speak to a counsellor. Acknowledging your feelings and owning them is a huge thing. You are a great Mum x

    Sent from my GT-I9507 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    641
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked
    37
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thanks everyone. Last night was rougher than usual. Was up will 11pm arguing with my partner before DD woke up and she was up 3 times before 4am plus power chucked all over me, couch and herself :/

    DH told me last night he is too tired and stressed to be there for me emotionally. I hardly contact my side of my family as we don't get along esp my parents. (I have stupidly attempted to make contact with my mother via email and she is as demanding and condescending as ever and am regretting doing this now, it is starting to stress me out again and am having flashbacks I was successfully able to stop before)

    I feel incredibly guilty confiding in my partners family as they are dealing with enough already, FIL has cancer and MIL has bad back issues (and can no longer provide care for my son) plus BIL is in the army and suffering (was on the NZ trip where the lead commander fell down a crevasse and died. BIL was second in charge and had worked with him a lot

    Sorry if TMI but my partner and I have not had any intimacy in over 5 months (DD is 4 months) we tried talking about it last night and there are so many barriers, has to be before 9.30, when he isn't sick or too tired (things he says he is everyday so hard to tell if is too tired etc) and also he goes to bed when I am up feeding still. I said if I come to bed when she settles and initiates will he be fine with that? His response? Is he allowed to say no?

    I know its perfectly reasonable to say no but I HATE initiating and find it really difficult and he has brought that up as a big issue so his response made me lose the plot a bit

    DD was in NICU with Bronchulitus, for almost a week and then back in kids ward, I stayed as emotionless as possible as I knew I would just fall apart if I started crying. I love my baby girl so much and hate that I couldn't help her and the look on her face asking me what was going on was heartbreaking.

    She was also a bit premature and I developed preeclampsia (sp?) and reacted badly to meds along with getting gastro in hosp. Plus dealing with the guilt of not giving my DS as much attention.

    DP is still stressed and unhappy, and is pushing things onto me to get sorted, he is helping out with housework but anytime I try to tal kabout any troubles I am having with DD I immediately get 'well you wanted her' and thats it, no emotional support and I feel like there is no back up for me when I am really struggling (like now)

    I am very reluctant to see a counselor as have had some pretty bad experiences, I have PTSD and when I finally opened up and spent 30 mins crying and dredging up stuff from the past she simply said good, see you next time....no help on dealing with the new fresh images/raw emotions of a damaged, abusive upbringing, rape, physical and emotional abuse or manipulation. I just walked around for a few hours after that until my partner came and picked me up. I was/am still a mess and find it so hard to trust any one with these issues. Let alone added PND to the mix.

    I tried to tell a friend that I thought I was having a break down and simply got aww no your not.

    I hate myself and the situation I am in. I don't want my daughter to see me crying or anyone else. I just want to curl up and die

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    3,198
    Thanks
    312
    Thanked
    960
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Does he have Pnd?

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to maternidade For This Useful Post:

    ButterflyMa  (21-07-2014)

  9. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,465
    Thanks
    575
    Thanked
    597
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Oh MissEm I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer but I know you'll get tons and tons of helpful advice here from ladies who have either been through what you're going through (or gone through a similar situation) or who can offer you a sympathetic ear and lots of cyber hugs.
    I feel you have gone through so much in your life, a lot of it seemingly by yourself. I think you are a very brave, strong, courageous woman who loves both her children very much. Please don't feel discouraged by your previous experiences in counselling. You need support going through this difficult time as well as dealing with your past. There are fabulous counsellors out there who can help you. Maybe your first stop should be your GP?
    Hang in there take everything one step at a time xxx


    Sent from my iPad using The Bub Hub mobile app

  10. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    641
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked
    37
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I have thought he may have PND too but he says he is just tired/stressed and under pressure trying to get a promotion from work

    I don't know how much more I can take, sometimes its just better to shut myself down emotionally. It helped before and I can't bear the idea of seeing another counselor and opening all this stuff up again just to be left alone again.

    My past ex and previous counselling (prior to one mentioned above) resulted in me drinking metho and trying to OD on pills and bleach. The anthoer time trying to slit my wrists.

    I think I need to shut down and do this on my own again as I got better for a while I just don't know where to start...

  11. #20
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    641
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked
    37
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My babies deserve a better mum than I can be


 

Similar Threads

  1. Could I name my daughter...
    By BlackDiamond in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 30-10-2013, 09:15
  2. I resent my husband and am angry/sad all the time!
    By Platinum487 in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 25-08-2013, 20:46
  3. My Daughter
    By EchoSummers in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 24-08-2013, 18:08

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Xmas with a NEW Fridge-to-go Lunch Bag! Fridge-To-Go Australasia
Fridge-to-go 8 hour cooler bags are ideal under the Christmas tree! Now in modern lunch bag designs - fill them with toys and chocolate to make parents and kids happy! Stay super cool and eat healthy and fresh food all summer long!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
The Fix Program Sydney CBD and Broadway
Pregnancy and women's health physio, pregnancy and new mum Pilates classes taught by our physios for you and bub. Pregnancy back and pelvic pain. Also, we treat postnatal and women of all ages. Incontinence, prolapse, sexual and pelvic pain.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!