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  1. #1
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    Default Give me a reason to keep breastfeeding

    DS2 will be 10 weeks on Tuesday. Until the last week,the physical act BFing was going OK. Then I got a painful graze on my nipple, which is just not getting better or going away no matter what I do. I am near tears every time I feed him.
    It is also impacting the rest of my family. DS1 is so jealous, his behaviour is getting worse, not better. He is 2 1/2 and throwing constant tantrums, he is uncontrollable. Poor DD never gets to relax, I am constantly relying on her to follow her brother's path of destruction.
    DS2 screams unless he is fed all evening- I cannot even go to the shops for 20mins. DH can't handle him and won't take him, using the bfing as an excuse.
    I am trapped on the couch. I am usually so active, yet I cannot even have 30mins for a walk. I feel fat, lazy ugly and gross.

    It currently feels like bfing is destroying my life. I feel like everyone who tells me "it gets better" is lying. I am in pain, miserable, my kids are suffering, my husband hates me. This is the longest I have ever lasted, I don't want to stop, but I am struggling to find the emotional strength and willpower to continue.

  2. #2
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    I was having such a hard time with dd2 and most of the advice seemed to only be fitting if you were happy with feeding 24/7 and I ended up switching to formula, so I can't give you any advice, just letting you know you're not alone with those feelings
    Last edited by atomicmama; 20-07-2014 at 11:57.

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    risfaerie  (20-07-2014)

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    Definitely not alone, I've been through it and so have most bfing mums. It's hard but it does get better.
    Can you express to give your nipples time to heal? Otherwise replace a few feeds with formula?
    Try contacting the ABA as they are really helpful. Otherwise your maternal health nurse.
    It does get better! They aren't lying!
    Your DS will be ok especially if you ask him to help getting wipes or nap pies. They love to help so get him involved. I have a 2 yr old DS and it was hard at first but he is used to it now (4 months down the track).

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    risfaerie  (20-07-2014)

  6. #4
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Have you seen someone regarding the graze not healing? Tried those gel patches, I know a lot of other mums sware by them though I've never used them myself I usually just express a few drops and rub that on my nipples but if you feel its not healing def try to see a LC.

    I find when I am feeling touched out and a bit like a cow that babywearing helps, especially when baby just wants you.

    With the toddler running rampant can you simplify what they have access too? Cull some clutter or toys for now (you can always rotate them) or cut off access to certain parts of the house?

    Other than that I'm sorry to say it does get better...I promise. But it's no ones buisness if you want to switch the kelly mom website has some great advice about grazes or reducing your supply, I findit better than the aba website myself.

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    I remember evensings being really tricky when I had DS1 (my 3rd). DD2 was 23 months and DD1 was 5. They were pretty much parked in front of tv until DH came home. DS lived in the carrier or a sling.

    I also fed in the sling. I have 4 kids now and when DD3 came along was really worried about how I would manage the evenings in particular. So pretty much from 4 til 7 pm every evening she was in a carrier where she fed and slept while I did dinner, bath, bedtime and homework. She did this til she was about 16 or 18 weeks from memory. As for going out in the evenings I didn't until we got through the cluster feeding phase. It was just too stressful.

    Is you DH around in the evenings to help with the other 2 while you get through what is a pretty difficult time of day?

    One thing I know a lot of my friends have done is get a babysitter to come in from 4 to 6 a couple of evenings a week just to help out if they didn't have family or a partner to call on. Just for a few months until the youngest got to 6 months and life became more predictable.

    As for reasons to continue bf'ing, I can give you 100. But none of them matter if it's not working for you and the family. I haven't exclusively bottle fed either so can't tell you whether the benefits are the same in any event, IYKWIM.

    It's not an easy time.

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    Maybe you don't have to decide to stop bf'ing completely now. Maybe trying a few things to rest your nipples like expressing or using nipple shields while trying on formula and see how you go from there? After that you might feel like going back to bf'ing, you might not but the important thing is you feel well first

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    No help but we had the same evening issues with dd2. As @Sonja said, the sling/carrier was a lifesaver as dh was never really around.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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    OP it doesn't sound like things are going easy for you. The graze sounds unbearable, as a PP said my LC told me that after every feed to just rub what milk bubs left on my nipple all over it and that helps keep them from getting cracked or grazing.

    Have you explained to DP how drained emotionally you are? Is it possible he could help you in the evenings by watching DS1 and DD while you concentrate on DS2?

    Do you have a pump? You could pump some milk to give your graze a break and DP could babysit for a few hours so you can get some active time. Maybe you could explain to DH that although you are breastfeeding DS2 can be settled by him and sometimes it's harder for you to settle him because he can smell your milk and thinks he wants a feed when he doesn't? Sometimes DD (12 weeks) will have be really unsettled in my arms and throw her head looking for milk but as soon as I pass her to DP it's much easier for DP to settle her.

    If you don't want to stop BFing then don't. Ask for more support from DH and know that you're not alone in your struggles. Go and see a LC if you want and I can't say things will get better as I really don't know but at least you can say you tried.

    I don't have much advice but I really hope everything improves for you Ris! Hopefully getting DH on board will alleviate some of the stress and pressure you're feeling.


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    At that stage all of my babies were the same. I can't give you any advice on how to improve it because it's just the way it is sometimes I guess.

    What I can say is that you are at the worst of it now and that around 3 to 4 months it gets easier. Your milk supply stabilises and baby gets string enough to pull a full feed in a shorter amount if time.

    Of course I've never had your baby though or been in your situation. I'd suggest that the jealousy would still be there even while formula feeding. It's the closeness factor that's hard for them at first.

    Ring the aba, they're wonderful support.

    If you persevere with bf you can afford to treat yourself to something nice (massage, facial or something for you) each week with the savings. :-)

  12. #10
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    Havent read the whole thread but I think your DS1 will be jealous whether you bf or bottle feed. A few mums in my dig had problems with their older child early on (part of it was just their first childs development stage).

    Bfing was painful for me until about 3 months. Since then it has been a breeze and now I absolutely love the time i spend bfing ds and it gives me a chance to sit down and rest regularly. I only have one child though so not sure if bfing mums of multiple kids can appreciate it in that way.

    I coslept with ds so dont have any advice for evening/night feeding. Try to get your partner or other people to help out as much as possible.

    Lots of hugs & good luck! Xx

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