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  1. #11
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    It's a tough one. Maybe say to her that you no she has been smoking and are extremely disappointed hit understand she is nearly "am adult" however woth her smoking may jeopardise her braces staying on and she has to be willing to cover the costs of the braces

  2. #12
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    I was guardian to my sister who is now 19 so I have some idea of what you are going through.
    I think confiscating anything is over the top. She is almost an adult so needs to be treated and spoken to like one.
    I would say something along the lines of I know you are smoking, how are we going to deal with this. She is probably addicted, as you most likely are. Its very hard to tell her not to do something when you are doing the same thing.
    Maybe you could suggest that you could quit together and go from there.

  3. #13
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    I think I remember a previous post of yours where you said that she refused to get a job, so where does she get the money? If she gets pocket money, tell her you're going to be putting the money away now rather than giving it to her as you need to save up for the cost of her braces. That way, you're also making cigarettes less accessible so if she doesn't quit, she'll at least cut back, and you'll be hitting her hip pocket. If I've got your SIL mixed up with someone else and she does work, tell her she's to set up an automatic transfer to you of $x each week (majority of her pay), non-negotiable, to pay for her braces.

  4. #14
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    Appreciate the feedback ladies. I do understand where you are all coming from. I guess the reason I am heavy handed is thats the way I was brought up. At 17, I was almost an adult but not yet one and wasn't treated like one. My mum brought me up "just because you are 18 doesnt make you an adult, you are an adult when you have the maturity to prove it" Yes I had freedom but I would have been shot if I started smoking, even though my mum smoked. So I think thats got a lot to do with why in my eyes yes she is almost an adult by age, but in every other way she is far from it.

    I will definitely take all your advice on board ladies. Thanks muchly

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
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  5. #15
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    I agree, don't take the things but cut the money to bare essentials for sure.
    And the smoking shouldn't be an issue only for the braces, that's wrong. If she is going to mess up her braces she needs to stop, but as smokers yourselves you can't expect her not to do it.

  6. #16
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    Sorry if I am out of line but could you all make it a joint effort to quit smoking together otherwise I can imagine she would see it as hypocritical. I also think focusing on the braces is important and confiscating the other things won't help.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    I have a sixteen nearly seventeen year old.

    As per what the others have said, there isn't much you can do.

    The one thing I would do though is to make her pay for her braces if she continues to smoke. Even if you have to meet the upfront costs make her pay you back when she is earning money.

    I have done this with my DS. He went on an overseas school trip in December last year under the condition that he must pay me back half when he gets a job.
    We can't afford to meet up front costs- they want a minimum 3 grand. But I understand what you are saying.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Ouch. My 11 year old has braces, but the orthodontist has put me on a payment plan and I'm paying them off over the course of her treatment.
    Yep if she wasn't on this program we could go on a payment plan over the course of her treatment 18 months to 2 years). But they still require a 3 grand up front payment which would leave 4 grand to pay off. So appreciative they referred her onto this program!

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos
    Last edited by SheWarrior; 15-07-2014 at 20:00.


 

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