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  1. #91
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But what's the solution? If we want to have a dinner at a 5 star not child friendly restaurant for a significant birthday do children have to be considered? Look I get that people don't have baby sitters on tap (we certainly don't!) but the world still turns and people are entitled to organise their lives around what they want to do.

    I really don't know what the answer is. DH and I have missed so many things over the years through having kids but I just see that as a by product of how we choose to live our lives, not something that needs to be factored into every one else's decisions. .
    ^^^^ This!

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    But what's the solution? If we want to have a dinner at a 5 star not child friendly restaurant for a significant birthday do children have to be considered? Look I get that people don't have baby sitters on tap (we certainly don't!) but the world still turns and people are entitled to organise their lives around what they want to do.

    I really don't know what the answer is. DH and I have missed so many things over the years through having kids but I just see that as a by product of how we choose to live our lives, not something that needs to be factored into every one else's decisions. .
    If my brother decides to have his birthday in a fancy restaurant knowing full well my circumstances well then I'd be chewing his head off. If my second cousin did it I would just decline and move on.

    The same way I would never book anything significant on a weekday as everyone works. Just cos I don't work FT doesn't mean I don't consider others attending.

    Obviously it's vastly different for @anewme and myself compared to many on this forum. It would be unthinkable that my circle of family/friends would specifically exclude kids. I certainly don't take them everywhere but I get to decide as I know my kids and their ability to cope in certain surroundings.



    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

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  4. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    Absolutely this. If people are aware of your own personal circumstances but maintain their stance then ultimately they don't care enough to have you there, and that's what hurts. People are allowed to be upset and hurt without being selfish.
    Yes this.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  5. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    If my brother decides to have his birthday in a fancy restaurant knowing full well my circumstances well then I'd be chewing his head off. If my second cousin did it I would just decline and move on.

    The same way I would never book anything significant on a weekday as everyone works. Just cos I don't work FT doesn't mean I don't consider others attending.

    Obviously it's vastly different for @anewme and myself compared to many on this forum. It would be unthinkable that my circle of family/friends would specifically exclude kids. I certainly don't take them everywhere but I get to decide as I know my kids and their ability to cope in certain surroundings.



    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
    But it's your brother's birthday. Why should he have to sacrifice where he wants to go to suit your children? You decided to have kids, not him.

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  7. #95
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    I know I was the one who said why do others have to factor in your children but thinking about it now it's actually just how some families work. I know for my own 40th I had a party in the park in the afternoon so all my friends could bring their kids. I had just given birth to DS and didn't want to leave him for a night out so made sure I didn't have to. I love having parties during the day so my kids and others can come along, but sometimes I do also want grown up time.

    For me my children are the centre of my universe but I know they're not the centre of anyone else's. So while I'll go out of my way to include my kids in significant events and as a consequence others usually can to, it's not something I "expect" from other people.

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    I'm not one to be offended if my daughter isn't invited to events, even of she is, the majority of the time we don't being her along anyway.

    I'm sure I will get some backlash here but like a PP said, others didn't choose to have your children, you did, so I don't see why they are expected to plan or change their plans around what suits others or is kid friendly.

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  10. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    But it's your brother's birthday. Why should he have to sacrifice where he wants to go to suit your children? You decided to have kids, not him.
    I suspect the answer is simply that that's how her family dynamic works. Like most things to do with families what works for some doesn't work for everyone else but it doesn't have to.

  11. #98
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    No.. Some family events certainly.
    But in all honesty, I would much prefer going to things like weddings, funerals without them. And in cases like that, I would get the DH to stay home and baby sit them and go alone. Which no one minds, it works for us.

  12. #99
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    I thought I'd add it was my brother's 30th recently. He has no kids and none of his friends have kids, they're all big drinkers and love a long late party - which is totally fair enough... they're "young" (he's my older brother haha but he's young lol)

    So, his birthday fell on a Sunday, so he invited us around with the kids on the Sunday that was his actual birthday for a roast lunch - and his birthday party was the following weekend, which we were going to go to but my mum got sick so couldn't baby sit.

    My kids don't need to go to a ****-up for their uncles birthday and I don't expect my brother to moderate how he and his friends celebrate just for us, so lunch on another day was a perfect compromise.

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  14. #100
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    We just did the same for DH - I had invited his friends and sisters to a fine dining restaurant in the city for his birthday last weekend - we definitely didn't want out kid there and everyone else also wanted a child free night but the next day I had all the family and kids over for coffee and cake so everyone had fun!


 

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