Wow... Don't accept that money! No way! They are on another level. They'll save you interest but cost you your relationship - you've already said you see that you might leave DH if you can't handle it, why risk that? Good luck x
These people are jerks. Don't take the money. You might take a financial hit and your working situation might not be ideal, but that would only be temporary. Right now you have a house and a beautiful little family. Your mortgage broker may be right in that selling now is a good idea especially regarding your newborn who will be here soon. But if you don't it won't be the end of the world. Your in laws are scare-mongering. Behind most urgency is a serious agenda, and their agenda sounds completely self-serving and controlling. If you can sell and buy the house you want without spending more on the yard, great. But there is never only one way out of these things, and if someone tries to tell you there is only one way, then they have a massive stake in your decision making. Good luck x
Thanks again so very much all. You have all given me a good idea of what this is all really about. And after discussing it with DH, its definitely confirmed this is to help them more than us. So they don't lose their pension as they are technically quite well off now as they sold their house for $995,000 plus they have other savings etc, and own SIL's house her and her DH live in - but im sure they will just end up giving her that house (much to DH's frustrations about it) so im sure centrelink will cut off their pension if they have large amounts of money in their bank. DH has told me that we're still going to be paying off our mortgage to the bank, and their loan will be a separate payment that's done in cash.
DH is begging me to just give him the chance to prove he can handle this, and will protect me from their crap blah blah blah. I told him i will not go visiting them still, i am content with not seeing them. And I agree, now that DS is understanding a lot more I agree him being around them isn't good, unless I am there. Which will be on very rare occasions like before. He tells me that's fine, to keep doing what I am doing that I don't owe them anything....
Ugh this is all such a mess. I am starting to consider making DH write up a pre nup with me that if he must accept this stupid dodgy loan from them that i have no legal bind to it, and that if it all goes to sh!t then I have no part of it and I will walk. Its such a sad negative way to look at it, but he isn't budging as he claims he wants to get a really good place for us with the bank loan and their loan on top.
DH has at least now agreed to just get the house on the market now asap - and just sell it and get out of here on our own, and if the loan comes through then it can just go towards doing the place up or something. And that can be something just between him and them, i want no part in it. I am even thinking if this happens to go ahead, i will tell them myself i want no part in it that this i strictly between him and them. What you all think about that? Or is that a silly idea?
Last edited by Serenity Love; 14-07-2014 at 23:18.
It possibly wouldn't have worked anyway as a gift/loan towards your new house as the banks often want to see evidence of where a large sum of money suddenly appearing in your account has come from - whether it was a gift or a loan. We have had this from 2 different banks, when we got our first house my grandmother had to sign a stat dec that the money she gave us was a gift (and that was nowhere near as large as 200k) and with our latest house when she was looking at giving us some money again the bank would have required stat decs if she had. So your in-laws probably wouldn't have wanted to sign something saying it was a gift as my understanding is that if people gift over 30k that money is still considered their asset in terms of assessing pensions. Same for them if they sign that it's a loan, and then that is seen as a debt in the eyes of the bank affecting your borrowing capacity etc.
Last edited by bezzy; 15-07-2014 at 09:37.
I'm glad your DH has agreed to put the house on the market. As an outsider to the situation though, it's really easy to see the potential dangers in the plan of your DH organising the loan with them and it being just between them.
The main problem being that this is exactly what they have always wanted, to drive a wedge between you and DH (plus financially viable for them). The idea that there could exist $200,000 of debt owed by you and DH to the in laws and that you could have no part in it is not realistic. You and your children will be living in a house that the 200k has in part financed so you benefit and it will be part of your family finances for at least 10 /15 years, maybe more depending on how quick it's paid off. All with no official record to prove it.
Besides, I hate to say it but it's true, what if (touch wood) the worst happened and something happened to your DH? Even a prenup can't protect you in that situation, and i shudder to think of the kind of behavior and tactics the in laws would use should that tragic circumstance eventuate - you would be responsible for the loan, or they would sue you no matter any pre nup I'm sure.
Your DH sounds like he thinks this loan is the perfect solution to not only your living situation but to many years of family tension and it sounds like an easy fix. But it's not. It makes you in particular extremely vulnerable, open to ongoing abuse and terror from these in laws, open to financial abuse and blackmail, and you've even considered leaving him and signing a pre-nup. This is not worth a slightly better or bigger house. I know it's tiring and your DH has his mind made up. But fight for what is safe and good for you and your family. You deserve many years of peace and contentment and working together as a family. Your DH being 200k in debt to an entire family of sociopaths is a terrible idea. Please don't do it! Good luck xoxo
I could be wrong but that was our experience!
Me + DH = DS1 (6), DS2 (2) and #3 due September 8th
Get a loan from a bank. Much less baggage and you'll have redraw too!
Wouldn't touch the money with a barge pole if it was me. Tell them they can pay for landscaping if they like...
I called DH up this morning while he was at work and told him exactly what you said here. That if something were to happen to him I can not bare the thought of me having a tie to them. DH actually agreed with me.... we both hadn't even considered the worst case scenarios and where it would leave us.... if i got killed, he can still carry on his merry way forever trying to win over their respect. But i wont and refuse to. My gut has been saying NO NO NO and i couldn't articulate why, but you have made sense of it for me. Everyone has.
DH will be calling them today to drop the bomb that we will not be accepting the loan. We have decided that trading the one psycho over the road for 2 is not what we need, and he did agree they will demand and expect the world from us because of this damn loan. He finally agrees now that its not fair to put me through that.
I still feel guilty though, for calling the shot so to speak ... but i have to for mine and my children's well being in the long run. And DH's... DH is constantly feeling stressed with how much they have helped his spoiled sister, they have given her the house she lives in pretty much ... plus they're giving her this loan and like the house DH knows very well they wont make her pay anything back. He is always stressed and upset about the favoritism and he seems to feel he has to fight for anything with them, but I said to him this morning that i refuse to let myself and the kids be dragged into it. If he is so effected by how unfair they treat him compared to his sister, then maybe he needs to be honest with himself on whether they're even worth the time of day. You shouldn't have to fight for love and support from your parents, but he always has with them.
They're going to lose their sh!t when he tells them. We're going to stay in this house, and continue to do it up and sell after I have had this baby and returned to work next year. Psycho neighbor doesn't effect me as much as she used to.... the intervention order and security cam's we installed have sorted her out. I honestly would rather plot along how we are than to sign my life away with the inlaws.
DH feels this will be the end of it that they will cut him from the will and leave all to his sister as they will view this as us not being willing to help them out so they can keep their wealth and also claim pension discounts etc. But i think after they went on two trips over seas last year and to Germany once this year so far plus selling their house for $995,000 .... I think they're doing a lot better than us.
What sh!ts DH up the wall is they wouldn't even have had the wealth they do now if it wasn't for getting the house they sold through DH's uncles will, then FIL getting a massive pay out from his mothers will. So they have had help along the years to get to where they are but they would happily deny DH any support like that merely for not doing as he was told.
If he resents me along the way for making this call, then he is free to leave me - take the loan from them and get his own place. But he says he supports how i feel now and see's what I am saying and agrees with me.
Thanks again all you have NO IDEA how much you have ALL helped me. I love this forum. What a life saver it is. Literally.
Last edited by Serenity Love; 15-07-2014 at 12:01. Reason: typos
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wow I cant believe you have put up with these nut jobs all these times...then halfway through I realised you were the one with the crazy neighbour and I just really felt bad for you.
Is it an option to borrow the money and put it in a term deposit??? At least if they start getting the way you think then you can just break the term and give it back and tell them (nicely) to suck it....
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