Oops posted in wrong thread
If I was in your situation I wouldn't except their money, I think you would be better getting a bank loan and pay it back after the sale of your house and there is no way that I'd be living anywhere near them and I wouldn't let them babysit either. I don't think their behaviour is normal and I certainly wouldn't want to raise my kids around them. They are toxic...!
I have similar sounding in laws who lent us money once, nowhere near $200k tho (think it was 25k...was quite awhile ago now). They dangled that loan in my husbands face every time there was a disagreement (and there were plenty). We hated it!!! We extended our mortgage to pay it back and would never EVER borrow money from them again. I think you already know you shouldn't do it but your situation with the house/neighbour etc might be the determine factor.
I have a DS. I hope to god I don't turn into one of 'those' mothers-in-law. The logic to me says you're gonna have waaay more contact/involvement with them if you're nice to the partner. I just don't get it.
I feel for you OP.
Jesus. Like, seriously, holy hell. I have been on this forum for a loooong time (new account for those wondering) and that is one of the most messed up situations I've read.
Those people are everything you said, toxic and a little too into their son. I understanding the initial "he will always be my boy!" But normal people usually realize their son is a man and move on. That's a red flag. From there on your flags got so red bulls just fell out of the sky to attack them.
Here's what I believe will happen. There will be no money. This is a ploy, a game, to continue their place in your life. It ever so conveniently will help you at a time you need it but you can't use banks or pick the area you live. That's the claws already coming closer, waiting to sink it. Your DH is a bit silly to think he can take it, they'll act out and he can cut them out and not pay it back. Do these people sound like the kind of people that would let you just have 200,000 dollars, cut them out and leave it at that? I don't know them, but I reckon they aren't. That's just screaming law suits and suing. Now stressful. I'm sure your DH thinks he can handle it, but they've been "handling" him their whole lives. You came in, threw a spanner in the works but they've found a way to get him back under their wing, so to speak.
The other issue is the gay prayers. Really? I'm not you, but I wouldn't send my kids to people like that. My MIL once tried to give our daughter rum in a bottle to calm her down at a kids birthday party, that was enough for me to cut her out. She went off the deep end. You really can't keep toxicity and negativity in your life and certainly should protect the kids. Your DH wants to keep everyone happy and thinks he can stand up to them and protect them - what about this prayers to make sure his son isn't gay? What about when your son starts understanding this?
I'm sorry you have these people in your life and understand it's your husbands family but seriously sit him down and list this stuff down. All the ways they've tried to control your lives and then write is 200,000 to move and house own worth to go through all that agin and probably worse since they will feel they "own" you and your property and payments schedules.
Wish you luck. And you've got the crazy neighbours too. A magnet you poor thing.
You know exactly what these people are trying to do..They have a proven track record of nutty behaviour and this money is just another ploy to retain control.
1. fix your yard as basically and quickly as possible. Pay a landscape gardener if you must. You may be able to get a cheaper rate if you find tafe students looking for work experience.
2. Get the house on the market asap. Do not delay. You can have open homes once the yard is done.
3. Do Not accept any money from these nutbags. Play the long game if you have to and put them off by appearing grateful and saying stuff like "thank you so much we will definitely discuss it further if the need arises once we see how the house sale goes" etc etc. You will never accept it but they don't know that. Fighting these people will get you nowhere.
4. If your husband continues to insist on accepting their super dodgy offer, make good on your promise and leave. Go stay with your mum or a friend and explain to him that until he stops pressuring you, you won't be back.
5. If worse comes to worse sell and the rent for a period. I know this isn't ideal but my word you'll be a lot happier not owing these lunatics anything.
These people are not right in the head. You need to learn how to play their game and that is, there's no point fighting them. You just do what is right for you and smile sweetly to their faces. Not suggesting you lie, just play games to delay any commitment to accepting their help.
It's pretty easy to see how this is going to play out.
They will loan you the 200k, with their own written contract staying clear of solicitors as I agree with others this is a tax/pension dodge (which as I'm aware is still legally binding)
Your family will be forced to have constant contact with them to make repayments which they will not give you a receipt for.
Every time you have a fight with them or fail to bow to their ever increasing demands the loan will be thrown in your face and used against you.
If you do cut them off they will threaten suing you, and given there is no paper trail of repayments on paper you have repaid nothing. I suspect they won't as court will order legal repayments made thus ruining their financial dodge.
You husband, fearing they will sue, will fall back into line and expect you to also do so, and around and around it will go.
I'm also wondering - you said in Oct your SIL will also get her share. Is it a loan for her as well or a gift? I'm suspecting it will be the latter
Op please don't accept any money from these crazies! And put your foot down with your DH - big money decisions, especially those that place burden on you, should be decisions made by both of you.
I would stop your DH taking your child to visit these people. You cannot trust that they can control their toxicity in the presence of a child and it's not fair to him to be in that position. If your DH wants to see them, he can go alone.
There is no way this is a gift. It's a form of control.
Op I feel for you and wish you all the very best in what can only be described as an ugly situation.
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