They sound like crazy town. Rum , don't walk away from these people.
No bank transfers... Really?! Unless they write you a receipt each week, there's no proof that you're paying them back.
Absolutely no way would I even be considering this!
After reading all that and then you saying they want cash only as repayments is it possible they are getting rid of all there money so they can claim a pension and then receive the money back on the sly by you paying cash? That's just what popped into my head there is something in it for them perhaps
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They arent helping you out they are helping themselves out so they dont need to declare that lump sum or any interest made on it, and so they can get a pension.
Your dh needs to wise up, and if he doesnt have the balls to say no, then you need to. You've already gone through hell. This would be signing your fate.
I could not and would not accept that money given the history you have with them. $200,000 is vey appealing but definitely not worth potentially putting yourself in the same situation.
The real MIL has resurfaced over the years since you began talking again and you refuse to visit yourself. You can't accept their money when most of the time you want nothing to do with them.
Their conditions of repayment are unacceptable and they are only thinking about themselves. I think you a ready know the answer in regards to what you need to do.
On a side note, I think your SIL and MIL wish they were married to your DH. Weird.
Last edited by thepouts; 14-07-2014 at 12:48.
These inlaws sound very toxic, dangerous and INSANE.
You mention things to do with them and religion/Christianity. The behaviour that they are exhibiting with the control, abuse, dysfunction, manipulation, poor boundaries, etc sound very cult like. I'm not into organised religion at all, but I have seen many people who claim to be holier than thou act in the most atrocious and disgusting ways to their family.
Stand your ground with these nutters, I would even suggest that they may not be stable enough to be suitable influences on your children and would be likely to say some very damaging things around or to you kids. They sound like they would turn on you in an instant. They probably want to have power and control over you by lending you the money, might they try and claim that they owned the house?? Just an odd thought, do you think that any of them might try and move into this new house with you guys??
This kind of behaviour within a family is not normal. Keep up your boundaries with them, good on you for being prepared to walk if your DH condones their behaviour. You are an example to your kids of what is a healthy relationship, so however you shape your marriage/relationship will be what your kids take into the world. How you deal with nutjobs will also teach your kids in relation to valuing themselves, respect, love etc
Yep that does not sound above board at all.
If you must accept the loan I would only do it with a contract written up by a lawyer that stipulates repayment conditions etc and covers the ar$es of both parties. Sounds like they are trying to rort the system (as well as remain in your lives) so I doubt they'd go for it.
They really are the pits. Don't take the money.
Yeah I agree with you. Don't accept the money. There will be major strings attached to that money and they'll get that level of control they want.
I can't believe the gay thing, they need to snap out of it. And honestly if I heard someone tell my DD to **** off, Then tell me they wanted to babysit her. I would tell that that's the exact reason why they could not baby sit my child/ren.
The no bank transfers thing is so dodgy. Obvious attempt at control but also you won't have proof of paying it back unless they write receipts. But I bet they'll have an excuse each visit as to why they can't provide one.
I agree about putting your house up for sale. Just put it up. Google things you can do to help the yard on a tight budget and see if you can just spruce it up without spending much money.
As a pp said, don't trade one crazy for two more.
Oh, OP, what a horrible situation! You poor thing.
Yes, the best idea would be to definitely not take the money, they are clearly going to use it to hold over you, but you already know that. That's not much help if your DH refuses to not accept the loan.
I would be putting your house on the market regardless. Don't worry about the backyard. I work in housing settlements, gardens are not a big deal for most buyers - many intend to do them up anyway (and sometimes a manicured garden is off putting because it also looks like hard work in the maintenance!) Even if it did knock some money off the house, it certainly wont be much.
Hopefully your DH has some luck at the bank. If you do end up having to take the loan because he won't budge, you should make sure you choose exactly where you want to live. Don't let your inlaws influence that at all. If they say you have to live closer for them to lend you the money, you have the answer as to whether they're going to manipulate you over the loan. Maybe your DH will see that for what it is and know to refuse the loan.
And also, no bank transfers?? What! as a PP said, that's a bad idea - it gives you no written proof of payments you've made. Be very careful. I would tell them you want to get a lawyer to write up a loan agreement if I was you....then the lawyer can give you advice right there and it's not coming from you...it's coming from them.
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