I understand why you are hurt, but there's no need to declare you will never speak to them again. I would just politely decline the invitation, as I think that would adequately demonstrate to them how I felt about the whole situation.
I had had a child free wedding (purely for cost reasons) and now that I think about it I have only ever been to one wedding that invited children. Regardless I can still see why you are upset, particulary as there are 8 year olds invited.
I tend to lash out when I'm really hurt, and I think you are probably doing the same. You've let them know how you feel, now it's time to step back and let it be.
Brides can sometimes forget that there's life (including children) after weddings so I'd just let her and your brother have their dream wedding and agree to disagree.
Don't become estranged over this. That'd be a bad example to set for your kids.
Also just out of interest how many hours drive from your place is the wedding?
OP I've read your updates and it's clear this whole situation is much more complex than your kids not being invited to the wedding. Given this, many of the replies here may not be relevant to your particular situation.
Can I say from my heart I really and truly understand where you're coming from. My brother has also pretty much abandoned our family in favour of his in laws. I see how much it hurts my parents and that hurts me deeply. Not to mention that sometimes my heart hurts because I actually miss my brother and how close we used to be. I'm not at all dismissing your feelings and I can see that the anger that's coming through in your posts stems from a place of hurt and sadness.
The thing is, and it's taken me a while to realise this, we can't change other people. I can't change my brother and you can't change yours. They have made their choices and regardless of what we think, petty and vindictive behaviour on our part is not going to change anything.
If the situation is as bad as you describe then to be honest I don't think you skipping his wedding will really be a big deal in the scheme of things, and perhaps it will be easier for you emotionally to decline the invite.
Personally if it were me I would try to find some way to attend and keep the peace. Although my brother and I are not as close as we used to be I have seen that over time the more respectful I am of him and his life choices the better our relationship is. The thing is, if your SIL is in your brother's ear then you behaving badly and ranting and raving just gives her more ammunition to blast his family, but if you are calm and accepting and just try to be happy for him, she doesn't really have a leg to stand on.
It's a really hard situation though and I hope you can find some way to resolve it. Like PPs I would seriously reconsider cutting off all contact over this, it's just not worth it.
You know what's funny? All our friends have invited our kids to their wedding. They know our two are great in social settings. They also know that I'm not the type to leave my kids randomly with strangers.
wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
I would not want to take my children to a wedding. One because most weddings go til at least 10pm if not later. And two because I'd take it as a rare opportunity to have an adult night out- I wouldn't drink if my kids were there. The only exception would be if I were breastfeeding a newborn (in which case of course I wouldn't be drinking anyway). That's just my personal take on children and weddings!
Anyway OP this sounds like there's much more to the issues than what you said in the first post. From the first post alone I thought 'massive overreaction'. But I can see there's more to it. I hope you can sort it out without compromising your family relationships.
I wouldn't be annoyed - but I also wouldn't go. I don't leave my kids with strangers and if it were a family wedding I wouldn't have anyone to leave them with, so I just wouldn't go.
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