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  1. #51
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    I haven't read all the replies, only some. While I know child free weddings are common, heck I had one myself, I think an exception should he made to nieces and nephews, it doesn't have to extend to all guests' children.

    For your SIL to just assume your friend with 3 children already will just look after them (???wtf???) is ridiculous!

    Sorry I have no advice, but wanted to say I understand and agree with your feelings on the situation.

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  3. #52
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    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    My brother is getting married in September and today i found out that my children are not invited to the wedding. They are having a child free wedding, although 8 year olds are invited.

    A bit of background info:

    -The bride was my bridesmaid in Feb this year.
    -They are not having a bridal party as the bride just wants the day to be about them, despite having heard my brother express on numerous occasions that he wanted 2 groomsman- guys he had known since the age of 10.
    -They are godparents to 2 of my children.
    -We were all invited to the engagement party.

    The news came as a huge shock and I was gutted to say the least. It was my mum who told me. When she was told she let them know how upset I would be etc etc etc. I tried calling him after I found out but he didn't answer so I had to settle with sending each of them a text message, to which I got no response. Nothing.

    The wedding is in the middle of nowhere and all of my family are invited. When my mum asked her who did she think I was going to get to look after the girls her response was "her friend with all the kids". My friend has 3 children of her own and I would never offload my children onto somebody else. Not to mention the fact that my dd3 is extremely clingy which they are all to well aware of.

    The bride is controlling and manipulative but my brother is just as bad for going along with her wants. I have told him that our relationship will be irreparable from now. I will never have anything to do with either of them again.

    I just really want these feelings of hurt and anger to go away.
    Op i'm really sorry that you're hurt. It doesn't sound pleasant at all.
    A couple of things (as I haven't read the entire thread)
    - an invitation is not a summons. If it doesn't suit you to attend, because of the distance, cost, or having to get a sitter, or any other reason, then you do not have to go. RSVP by the date, send your best wishes and a gift - but only send a gift if you feel like it
    - adults only weddings are becoming more common - really what hosts choose to do is completely up to them
    - I do think it's a bit rude inviting the whole family to the engagement party and then excluding part of the famiy for the wedding. To me, etiquette says the engagement party is part of the wedding events and therefore you should invite people to the engagement who you plan on inviting to the wedding. The exception to this being when the engagement is so far out from the wedding that the couple hasn't had a chance to plan the wedding (or the guest list yet)
    - you didn't mention who the 8 year olds are that are invited? Is it all 8 year olds or one specific 8 year old? But either way, hosts choose who they invite to their wedding. That might be some children and not others.

    Be careful Op about assigning blame on the bride. Even if she is the instigator, these feelings won't be welcomed by your brother and if you want a relationship with him, that means maintaining a relationship with the bride. And actually you don't really know what happens behind closed doors. What they discuss in the privacy of their own homes is really between them.

    Clearly there is more to these feelings between you and the bride given that only a few short months ago, she was your own bridesmaid and you said they are both godparents to your children. I could be barking up the wrong tree, but if you and her have had a falling out, be careful not to join that event together with this one.

    And finally, before making an snap decisions about your relationship being irreparably damaged, remember life is a long time. Is this worth it?

    And... if your children are not invited, I doubt it would be welcomed that you bring them to the ceremony.
    Last edited by TheGooch; 13-07-2014 at 20:13.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mum2b87 View Post
    Child free is common, we had no kids at ours and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    ITs not your day, it's theirs
    She spent MY day worrying about how good SHE looked and was no help what so ever. So the 'it's her day, not yours' is kinda lame in this instance.

  6. #54
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    Personally I couldn't imagine my wedding without my nieces and nephews I have 10 and the 5 younger ones were all included in the wedding party they are a huge part of our lives I wanted them all to celebrate with us. On my invite I put if you would like to bring your children please let us know so we can accommodate them and apart from a newborn and my nieces and nephews no one brought their kids. So I can understand were you are coming from and would be hurt and sad as well but I would probably just do as they asked it's there day in the end.

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  8. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by thepouts View Post
    Big hugs!

    I was told months ago that they were having a child free wedding but she explicitly said to me "but of course yours will be coming". She has since then obviously changed her mind.
    This totally different. That is just bad for on their part not to tell you themselves that they have changed their minds.


    Imo Still not worth cutting them of for. Life is way too short.

    Mega hugs.

    Sent from my SM-N9005 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by [Mod] biscotti View Post
    I know you are hurt......but please rethink that one when you have had a bit of time to process it all.

    Life is just too short.



    I understand what everybody is saying BUT there is only so much one can put up with being excluded. We don't see my brother on christmas, easter or his birthday as it is spent with her and her family. He puts her family above his own all the time. He is currently renovating her parents new house for nothing yet our mum had to pay him $$$ before he would replace some of her decking for her.

    His priorities regarding family is clear by his actions towards his own. I'm over pretending like everything is fine. If they're going to continue treating his family like this then they have to deal with the consequences.

    And to the person who said I should send an apology text ASAP...yeah right, not happening. I am the one who deserves the apology.

  10. #57
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    Whether or not posters can imagine their wedding with/without children is irrelevant, this couple have decided against having children attend THEIR wedding which is their prerogative. Perhaps they don't feel comfortable allowing some young children (family or not), and excluding others. Either way, cutting all contact seems rather dramatic. I'd contact babysitting/nannying services in the area or asking on a local facebook mother's page for recommendations for a reliable sitter. As for having children at the engagement party yet not at the wedding, I don't see an issue.. in fact I think its' nice that children were invited/included in some of the festivities.

  11. #58
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    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
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    I don't get child-free weddings, especially nieces and nephews. It's a wonderful opportunity for the extended family to get together and partake in cultural festivities. I got married 3.5 weeks ago - I would have loved to have had nieces and nephews at my wedding but unfortunately I don't have any.

    It may well be an occassion for the bride and groom but there are limits. I find it sad that nieces and nephews would be excluded. If my siblings or siblings in law had a wedding that required travel and was child free then we wouldn't go, or only one of us would go.

    I don't get a lot of modern wedding practices. DH and I had a destination wedding (2 hour drive) but we paid for everything including overnight accommodation for all of our guests.

    ETA: There's nothing on earth that would make me leave a young child with a stranger in a strange place. Not going to happen. Call me a helicopter parent or whatever but I want to know a person before I hand over the care of my child to them.

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  13. #59
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    A wedding is about the bride and groom and it is THEIR day.

    My wedding was child free except for my son but my nieces and nephews were invited also, no others.

    I can understand your frustration OP as the wedding is your brother's and I would take exception to their choice based on that.

    I hope you can speak with him and make peace.

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    OP, I can totally see why you are hurt, especially considering you were previously told your children would be included.

    Yes, it's their day and they can do as they please - doesn't mean people don't have a right to to feel inconvenienced by their child free policy.

    Take some time to cool down and process what has happened, then you can decide what to do when you are less enraged.

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