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  1. #191
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    Quote Originally Posted by tamute View Post
    I have read this entire thread and am amazed at some people's comments at op saying she is selfish and has no right to be upset and angry at her brother and Sil as it is their day and they can do what they want. YES it is their wedding but to say at one point that the girls will be invited and then to turn around and say they aren't is very poor form especially when her mum had to tell her and to then not answer her phone calls is just disgusting and so disrespectful.
    I am Like you op family comes first and would not have expected my nieces and friends that were coming from overseas with kids not to be there to celebrate our special day as well as my 3.5 d's. All the kids had a ball obviously didn't sit still all the time but that was a given. I said to the parents don't stress with the younger ones if they want to wander up to us at the alter or bridal table let them but if they were getting a bit ratty upset to take them out for a bit. Our ds had the most attitude at photo time and decided he didn't want to be in a few photos he had had enough so at that point we chose to boot take him to the destination shots at the beach he stayed and posted with his cousins and friends.
    My sister was the same again with my d's who was only 2.5 at their wedding I was in the bridal party so she said the same thing to my dh if he wants to come up to me let him but if he gets too upset he would take him out. Again he was really good did wander up to the front a couple of time have a great photo of him under the alter while sister and bil are signing the register doing his best kiss impersonation gave the guests a good laugh at birth weddings he curled up in his pram and went to sleep.
    Also at our wedding I did a gift pack for each kid that was age and gender appropriate to help keep them entertained eg cars for the boys, tiaras for the girls and the 2 older ones had disposable cameras to take photos of guests we got some really funny and cool photos from them. The kids also had a ball on the dance floor rocking it out with the adults.
    Op your brother needs to grow some balls and stand up to his soon to be bride and if he is hiding things he is butting online what diet of marriage ate they going to have? Not one built in trust and honesty. .... At the end of the day it is his loss as he will not only lose his sister but his nieces as well who will remember this

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    sorry but why does he need to 'grow some balls' no one, not even the OP knows how he feels maybe he wants this too it doesnt mean he needs to grow balls it means thats how he wants his wedding. Not everyone thinks the way you do and i tell you one thing ive kids were climbing around the alter while i was getting married i would have been PO'd to put it nicely.

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  3. #192
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    I get that lots of people LOVE kids at weddings and I totally and utterly respect that... But do you all respect that some people would prefer their weddings child free ... ? Or is it your way or the hi way and nothing but your way acceptable. Different folks different strokes... Seriously everyone IS different. There is more than one way to skin a cat.. Kids or no kids.. Yes I believe it's their choice. Have a billion kids (and a hot pink wedding dress) at your own wedding for all I care but no one should dictate to the bride and groom what they should do on their wedding day... Feel hurt yeah sure.. I can understand that. You sil does sound a bit self absorbed and a PIA but who cares .. Let it go then move on. No need to kick up a stink. At the end of the day you can't change others, only yourself and your responses.

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  5. #193
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    Quote Originally Posted by tamute View Post
    I have read this entire thread and am amazed at some people's comments at op saying she is selfish and has no right to be upset and angry at her brother and Sil as it is their day and they can do what they want.
    I've also read this entire thread, and I'm actually amazed at the number of people who think the OP's idea of what her brother's wedding should be is more important than her brother's idea of what his wedding should be.

    If this was a thread about a MIL who was trying to dictate to a hubber what he/she should do, the replies would be full of righteous indignation. "How dare your MIL try to tell you how you should do x, y, or z, when it's against your parenting philiosophy!" Yet for some reason, it's okay to try and tell the bride and groom that they should invite kids, against their wishes.

    There is obviously a lot more going on in this family dynamic than just this wedding. But the bride and groom (yes, both of them) have made a decision about how they would like their day, and their decision should be respected. If that means the OP can't attend because she can't go without her kids, then that's sad, but it's the way it is. It's not okay to use other family issues to justify trying to make them succumb to other people's wishes for THEIR wedding.

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  7. #194
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    OP I highly doubt there's going to be anything you could say or do to change your brothers mind. He's getting married to this women regardless of what you, your mum or dad think of her. If your brother can't stand up to his soon to be wife then that's his issue! let him live his life. I've gone through exactly the same thing with my brother. I came to the conclusion that it just wasn't worth my time or energy! I was bashing my head against a brick wall. My advise is let it go and concentrate on your family, your daughters and your husband. All the best x

  8. #195
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    I think there are a couple of different things going on here, one is the OP's situation which sounds very hurtful and unfair and runs I think much deeper and is more complicated than the wedding.

    The other is the the question of kids at weddings and TBH there's a fair bit of judgey going on as to what's normal, odd, rude, wrong etc...people have questioned a families closeness and I think that's off!

    Different strokes for different folks people. Don't get it? Don't have to. Your way isn't superior and neither is mine. Both are great. Just different.
    Last edited by misskittyfantastico; 14-07-2014 at 23:32.

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  10. #196
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    OP, I'm another who thinks you overreacted. You said you don't see your brother very often, so are you sure it's not just that he doesn't have a relationship with your kids, but does with the 8yo he might see all the time??

    We weren't invited to close family weddings last year. It hurt, but we don't see them very often so of course we weren't going to be high on their invite lost. But I admit it took me a while to get to that place.

    It's their wedding. They can invite who they want. I know I did with mine. As you would have done with yours.

  11. #197
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    I had this happen to us for my brother.... we
    Went to the reception... not the wedding. My kids could have slept in a pram but , was their wish for no kids .....as
    is our wish not to have left them . Every one knew why we didn't attend. Even sent a message of congrats to be read at the wedding.

  12. #198
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    I think there are a couple of different things going on here, one is the OP's situation which sounds very hurtful and unfair and runs I think much deeper and is more complicated than the wedding.

    The other is the the question of kids at weddings and TBH there's a fair bit of judgey going on as to what's normal, odd, rude, wrong etc...people have questioned a families closeness and I think that's off!

    Different strokes for different folks people. Don't get it? Don't have to. Your way isn't superior and neither is mine. Both are great. Just different.
    Very well said @misskittyfantastico

    I posted early on in the thread and have read along at the comments. . Which sometimes are hurtful to the OP and others who do weddings a different way to others. I think it's important to realise here that the OP had stated that they were all invited and then uninvited. To say she's selfish and overreacting is ridiculous. Can you imagine being invited to a wedding ... A family wedding and then part of your family uninviting you? Added to that she has said that they've moved interstate so travel is a big deal to get the wedding. The bride was also a bridesmaid for her not to long ago. Plus the bride and groom are godparents to the uninvited kids. So yep... There are other issues going on.

    I know this an Internet forum and people can make assumptions or say things without much recourse. So to continue pushing a point about the OP being selfish etc when it's plain to see she's feeling hurt and betrayed is a bit mean to be honest. Of course everyone is entitled to opinions here but to insinuate that her children aren't well behaved or something. . Gosh. That's a bit much.

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  14. #199
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsBid View Post
    sorry but why does he need to 'grow some balls' no one, not even the OP knows how he feels maybe he wants this too it doesnt mean he needs to grow balls it means thats how he wants his wedding. Not everyone thinks the way you do and i tell you one thing ive kids were climbing around the alter while i was getting married i would have been PO'd to put it nicely.
    I didn't say this about the wedding I said it about him hiding things he has brought online so she doesn't know what he is spending money on I just don't think this is the foundation of a good marriage relationship if he is already hiding things from her, unless it is a gift for his partner specifically but the way I read it he is hiding these things from her so he doesn't have to explain what he is buying. And if he wants this for the wedding then he needs to man up and actually tell op his sister not ignore her and let her stew and get angery/upset about it this is his family and maybe he needs to voice his opinion.
    I never said this was for everyone having kids at weddings I was like everyone else on here putting my views and experiences across and this has just reminded me again why I very rarely comment on this here as people turn nasty very quickly when people have views different to them selves.
    OP I hope you sort things out with your brother and it works out in the end for you and your family

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