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  1. #181
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    Quote Originally Posted by mamasurfs View Post
    . I have children, and will he having a child free reception - this includes my own children & siblings children.
    Just be careful: Dh's mother got re-married when he was about 8 and his brother 10. They had a kid free reception: not even DH and BIL were invited. It set the tone for their relationship with their step dad (it was obvious step dad didn't care as much for them as he did with his bio children with mil... Like DH and BIL weren't a 'real' part of the family). DH and BIL are still pi$$ed about it to this day.

  2. #182
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Just be careful: Dh's mother got re-married when he was about 8 and his brother 10. They had a kid free reception: not even DH and BIL were invited. It set the tone for their relationship with their step dad (it was obvious step dad didn't care as much for them as he did with his bio children with mil... Like DH and BIL weren't a 'real' part of the family). DH and BIL are still pi$$ed about it to this day.
    I can't believe anyone would get married and not have their own kids there. That's a whole new level of ;()$&@ up.

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  4. #183
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    Absolutely @Zombie_eyes I agree that the way they have handled the situation is terrible, and often, that's the true problem. There's a huge difference between not answering your phone, basically avoiding the person because you know they won't like your decision and being upfront, calling them and having a chat to explain your wishes.
    Maybe they are avoiding because of the ops text message. If someone sent me a message complaining about my wedding guest list I would avoid them for a bit (until I gathered my thoughts) as:
    1) weddings are stressful enough: wouldn't need the extra conflict
    2) I wouldn't want to open the conversation and let people think they have a vote in something they don't.

    Don't get me wrong I think it would be wonderful if the OP could bring her kids... And the brother is being stingy.. I just don't think it's something the OP gets a vote on.

  5. #184
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    I can't believe anyone would get married and not have their own kids there. That's a whole new level of ;()$&@ up.
    Yup. Sends the poor kids a message alright.

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  7. #185
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Maybe they are avoiding because of the ops text message. If someone sent me a message complaining about my wedding guest list I would avoid them for a bit (until I gathered my thoughts) as:
    1) weddings are stressful enough: wouldn't need the extra conflict
    2) I wouldn't want to open the conversation and let people think they have a vote in something they don't.

    Don't get me wrong I think it would be wonderful if the OP could bring her kids... And the brother is being stingy.. I just don't think it's something the OP gets a vote on.
    Good point @VicPark . I must admit, once I read your post, I thought about how I probably would have reacted if I had got a text from my brother saying the future of our relationship would be ruined because of a choice I'd made, when I was in the middle of the stress of planning our wedding. If I'm honest with myself, I probably wouldn't be proud of the reaction I would have had at the time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyflower View Post
    I can't believe anyone would get married and not have their own kids there. That's a whole new level of ;()$&@ up.
    We didnt have our kids there. Yes they came to the ceremony as they were flowerg girls but they left immediately after the ceremony finished.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos

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  10. #187
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    I got married in 2007 and looking back on the group photos I see heaps of people we worked with and used to volunteer with, almost all of whom we have nothing to do with today, and I regret wasting the money on inviting them. But when I see the few close friends and lots of family we invited, including kids, I am thrilled they were there and I know if I got married again tomorrow they'd be the first to be invited. I cherish the memories of my nieces and nephews on the day. I know if I had said no kids, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. And also at almost 3, my dd LOVES looking at our wedding photos and picking out everyone she knows

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  12. #188
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    At our wedding children were included. My niece was my flower girl. They all the kids had a blast.
    OP I was the bride so it is sort of an opposite version but I honestly would just try calling your brother and mentioning to him how you feel. Not excluding your new sister in law but your life long relationship is with your brother so he needs to know how you feel then he can go back to his fiancee and discuss it with her. If they still say no kids then I would politely decline because you at least know you have tried. I don't agree with texts or emails with this sort of thing, I feel it needs to be via phone or in person. Also I want to add that I see both sides of this, I read the whole thread and it is obviously peoples personal choice on how they have their wedding but you and your daughters have every right to feel upset by this decision. I hope you can reach a mutual decsion that will suit everyone x

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  14. #189
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    We had a child free wedding. Now that I have a daughter I don't expect her to be invited. I'd actually be surprised if she were. I also think you're over reacting slightly sorry. They most likely feel bad about it, but had to make the decision.

  15. #190
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    I have read this entire thread and am amazed at some people's comments at op saying she is selfish and has no right to be upset and angry at her brother and Sil as it is their day and they can do what they want. YES it is their wedding but to say at one point that the girls will be invited and then to turn around and say they aren't is very poor form especially when her mum had to tell her and to then not answer her phone calls is just disgusting and so disrespectful.
    I am Like you op family comes first and would not have expected my nieces and friends that were coming from overseas with kids not to be there to celebrate our special day as well as my 3.5 d's. All the kids had a ball obviously didn't sit still all the time but that was a given. I said to the parents don't stress with the younger ones if they want to wander up to us at the alter or bridal table let them but if they were getting a bit ratty upset to take them out for a bit. Our ds had the most attitude at photo time and decided he didn't want to be in a few photos he had had enough so at that point we chose to boot take him to the destination shots at the beach he stayed and posted with his cousins and friends.
    My sister was the same again with my d's who was only 2.5 at their wedding I was in the bridal party so she said the same thing to my dh if he wants to come up to me let him but if he gets too upset he would take him out. Again he was really good did wander up to the front a couple of time have a great photo of him under the alter while sister and bil are signing the register doing his best kiss impersonation gave the guests a good laugh at birth weddings he curled up in his pram and went to sleep.
    Also at our wedding I did a gift pack for each kid that was age and gender appropriate to help keep them entertained eg cars for the boys, tiaras for the girls and the 2 older ones had disposable cameras to take photos of guests we got some really funny and cool photos from them. The kids also had a ball on the dance floor rocking it out with the adults.
    Op your brother needs to grow some balls and stand up to his soon to be bride and if he is hiding things he is butting online what diet of marriage ate they going to have? Not one built in trust and honesty. .... At the end of the day it is his loss as he will not only lose his sister but his nieces as well who will remember this

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