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  1. #161
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    Shame we can't pick our whole family op. lol. my SIL is getting married soon and is a huge bridezilla. lol.

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    OP I'd be pised if I was in your position. Fair enough if it was friends but this is your brother. If your parents are contributing $$ will they side with you and say that if they are paying they would like ALL family to be invited to the ceremony at the very least.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    Having three nieces there is hardly having 60 kids at the wedding. If they could make an exception for the 8 yr old why wouldn't they do that for the grooms sister who lives out of state?

    Why is the OP expected to get over it?

    Its close family. Its not a distant cousin, its his sister!

    *puzzled*
    I think I'd be a bit annoyed due to the inconvenience, but for me, I more mean that "it's not worth ruining a relationship with her brother over" than "she should just get over it because it's not a big deal".

    I'm probably more over the top laid back about that sort of stuff though because I had my best friend killed in a car accident after I hadn't been speaking to him for a year, over something that is now petty rubbish. So I tend to adopt the "life is too short" motto rather a lot!

  4. #164
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    I think I'd be a bit annoyed due to the inconvenience, but for me, I more mean that "it's not worth ruining a relationship with her brother over" than "she should just get over it because it's not a big deal".

    I'm probably more over the top laid back about that sort of stuff though because I had my best friend killed in a car accident after I hadn't been speaking to him for a year, over something that is now petty rubbish. So I tend to adopt the "life is too short" motto rather a lot!
    I totally get that.

    I think The issues run a lot deeper than this for the OP tho.

    Especially since this woman was in the op's bridal party, and witnessed herself how good the op's little girls were at her own wedding.

    Also The fact they got the mum to pass the message on, and that they are too gutless to even answer the phone.

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  6. #165
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    Haven't read anything other than op original post and I would feel the same way. It's your brother for crying out loud, family kids should be made an exception, especially if you have to travel IMO.
    That they don't trust you to take care of your kids so as not to ruin their day says a lot to me.
    I think it plain sucks and I feel for you @thepouts

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  8. #166
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    To be honest I think you're being a bit selfish. It is your brother and his future wife's day. It is THEIR choice whether they want to have children there or not. Just like it is YOUR choice not to attend. In all honesty if it were me I'd just not go. You're the one making crashing and burning the relationship not them. They probably don't know how to respond to your text. Organising a wedding can be very stressful.. the last thing they need are people yelling and demanding things of them that they do not wish to do.

    I don't get why the 8 year old's going though. That seems odd to me. It should be a blanket no children rule not some exceptions. I'd honestly just not attend the wedding and then be done with it. Move on. Don't hold grudges over something so stupid really. You'll regret it one day if you do.

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    After reading all the responses, I have another thing to add:

    Sometimes we interpret peoples' actions as though they're us. We look at how somebody acts, think "well if I did that, I would think XYZ...therfore they do". It's not necessarily the case.

    Just look at all the different expectations and values of people in this thread. Someone who didn't invite his brother; a child who didn't want to go to his father's wedding; someone who'd go to any lengths to make sure their nieces could attend. Even if you THINK someone's character/beliefs/thoughts etc. are obvious from their actions, you may be over-emphasising your own thought processes and missing what they actually think.

    The relationship between my DP and his mother is a prime example. She thinks he owes her regular visits/chats/fixing things for her etc. He thinks that it's unfair of her to expect him to do things for her simply because she's family. It's gotten to the point that their only real interaction is when she contacts him wanting him to do something. He struggles with depression, and his biggest trigger is feeling like he's failing to meet other peoples' expectations of him. So, he'll usually do whatever it is to get her off his back, but resents her for it. Consequently he never contacts her of his own initiative, and she gets MORE upset that he doesn't want to see her/do things for her etc. Two completely different sets of expectations in conflict. Two lovely people, whose expectations simply can't co-exist peacefully.

    There's something else actually that I want to add, but can't think how to word it. Essentially that... I don't think it's fair to expect someone prioritise certain people over others. Even if it's your brother and your family. If he DOES care more for them than for your side of the family, then that doesn't make him a bad person. It might be upsetting, sure, and you can choose to keep your distance if it's too hard (as it appears you have chosen to). I don't think it's fair though to say that they're the only ones being unfair or unreasonable.

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  12. #168
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    Haven't read any replies. It's not something I would do, and heck they will probably regret their decision when they have kids, but it's their right to have a kid free wedding. It wouldn't be anything personal so please don't take it that way or let it ruin he relationship with your brother.

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  14. #169
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ngaiz View Post
    OP I'd be pised if I was in your position. Fair enough if it was friends but this is your brother. If your parents are contributing $$ will they side with you and say that if they are paying they would like ALL family to be invited to the ceremony at the very least.
    Oh no... Parents can't use the facts that they contributed some $$ as an excuse to dictate critical decision making of a wedding!! I would tell my parents to shove their $$ up their @rse..

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  16. #170
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    Feel for you but it's their day my step mum & dad had a child free wedding it's their day so it's not really anyone else's choice to demand your children to be aloud to come . Hopefully they gave enough time tho to sort out baby sitters for people with kids.


 

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