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  1. #1
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    Default ***vent***

    I don't want/expect any replies, I just need to get this out and this is the only place I can do it.

    I have 3 younger sisters- 1 half sister and 2 step sisters. Without going into a lot of detail (we would be here all day), my step sisters have only been back in our lives for a few years after their mum moved them interstate and cut contact with my step dad (their dad) and my mum. They found my half sister on fb (she is the youngest of us all), and have since rebuilt the relationship with our family.

    Now for the vent. I love my step sisters but I am so over them getting everything handed to them by my mum and step dad. At first I put it down to the fact they were trying to rebuild that relationship and let it go, but these issues are on going even after a number of years, and now its having a negative impact on my half sister as well. Example. We went on a family holiday a few years ago. I mention to my mum that I was going to get my second daughters name tattooed on me. She went off her tree saying no way in hell will she allow it (I was 21 at the time), and even went as far to say she forbids it. Ok fine. My step sister and I were talking not long after and I mentioned it and she goes "oh really? She was going to take me and we were getting tattoos together" (she was 17 at the time). Sure enough a few weeks later they went and got tattoos together. Then mum and step dad paid for my other step sisters first year of uni. All good, I was annoyed but let it go. My step dad then paid for the 3 of them to spend a week over in thailand after I jad mentioned I would like to go over one day. And on it went. My half sister confided in me how she felt she was being pushed out because everything seemed to revolve around step sisters. So I spoke to mum about it, told her I understood how excited they are that the other 2 girls are back etc, but this is how my half sister and I feel. She hit back with we are selfish spoiled brats and need to get over ourselves.

    When dh and I separated, I had nothing except the clothes I could fit in a suitcase. I received little support emotionally from my mum, except her saying "you got yourself into this, you deal with it" (referring to me having my first daughter a week before my 19th birthday). And that was it. I started studying and still recieved no help, paid for all my study costs, childcare, plus normal bills etc on my single parent pension. Meanwhile my step sister started uni and all the costs were paid for by mum and step dad (as mentioned above), she was living at home still and working full time with no kids plus had her mum paying for all her expenses even though she was working. I didnt expect any financial help from them but to know they helped her and didnt even offer any form of help to me hurt.

    Then my step sister started dating a guy that worked for my step dad. They thought it was great. However I met dh exactly the same way and was actually disowned by my mum and step dad. When asked by a friend how he felt about his daughter falling love with a guy who worked for him (referring to step sister), my step dad said "you can't help who you fall in love with". While I was standing right beside him, after all the **** I went through when I started dating dh, and yet its ok for her. They broke up and she met someone else. They got pregnant and it was the greatest thing ever according to mum and step dad. Yet each of my pregnancies (even after dh and I got married), I was told I was an idiot and mum got angry and didnt speak to me for weeks.

    Step sisters mum bought her her own salon which has been very successful. And good on her, am genuinely happy for her. She recently split with her boyfriend (father of her baby). They are still together but living separately. I recently found out my step dad and mum have been sending her a few hundred dollars a week to help her out. Even though she owns her own successful business and is doing very well for herself and again has her mum paying a lot of her expenses. Yet when I split from dh and had nothing, I was told I was on my own. This one is the obe that hurts the most. Although I am proud of myself that I did do it on my own and its satisfying knowing I achieved a lot without any help.

    There are so many smaller things but these are the main ones. It sounds petty but it hurts. A lot. My half sister actually stood up for me in regards to them helping my step sister but not me when I needed it. And she was absolutely crucified for it. She has since stopped all contact with the other girls, as far as she is concerned I am her only sister. She has tried speaking to mum and step dad about it all but gets the same response I did- we are self centred spoiled brats and need to get over ourselves.

    Sorry for the novel, just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks to anyone who read the whole thing.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos

  2. #2
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    I couldn't read and not reply. I don't have any advice but I wanted to send you (hugs). I would feel exactly the same if I was in your situation, blended families are hard work and I think your mother and step father have gone about it the wrong way. It seems as though you have tried to bring it to their attention with no luck, I'm not sure what else you could do to help the situation.

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    Oh my, li miss. Big big hugs. I'm sorry your family has treated you this way. I would feel VERY upset and hurt beyond belief if this happened to me. I think you are extremely justified in how you're feeling right now You deserve a very big pat on the back and a well done for everything you have achieved on your own. You sound like a very strong person


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    Huge hugs - this is similar to my experience with my family and it is very upsetting :-(

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  5. #5
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    Hugs lil miss. None of that sounds petty or fair.

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    I think what bothers the most is the fact both my half sister and I have tried talking to them about it but they refuse to accept what we say, instead labelling us self centred spoiled brats. My half sister is really hurting- she is only 16 and mum and step dad both work long hours and she hardly sees them and yet my step dad especially will drop everything to go see the step sisters interstate regularly. I really feel for my half sister, she is doing everything she can think of to get their attention and feel like they care about her, often putting herself in potentially dangerous situations. In her mind even the negative reactions to those actions are better than no attention at all. But of course mum and step dad don't see it thay way- they see it as her just being a problem child and have threatened to send her off to boarding school (my mum actually asked me what boarding schools we have where I live). I am an adult, I can suck it up and know its their issue not mine, but my sister cant. She feels like she is unwanted and unloved (her exact words).

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos

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    That's so rough...it's not petty to be upset over that at all. That's heart breaking. I'm sorry.

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    Wow that's really full on and hard to deal with. I feel awful for you being put in this situation.

    I guess if there is one thing to take out of this it's that you will parent your girls in a much better way than you received. Your experiences will help you to always treat them equally and fairly so that they never have to feel the way you do.

    If it were me and this continued I would seriously consider cutting contact. No good can come from feeling this way. Hugs xxx


    Me + DH = DS1 (6), DS2 (2) and #3 due September 8th

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Chippa For This Useful Post:

    Wise Enough  (21-07-2014)

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  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chippa View Post
    Wow that's really full on and hard to deal with. I feel awful for you being put in this situation.

    I guess if there is one thing to take out of this it's that you will parent your girls in a much better way than you received. Your experiences will help you to always treat them equally and fairly so that they never have to feel the way you do.

    If it were me and this continued I would seriously consider cutting contact. No good can come from feeling this way. Hugs xxx


    Me + DH = DS1 (6), DS2 (2) and #3 due September 8th
    Exactly. In a way it has helped me parent my own kids better, especially my oldest.

    I should say that apart from the step sisters issue, my mum and step dad and I now have a wonderful relationship. I dont speak to my step sisters either any more, and my mum and step dad no longer talk about them at all when I am around unless I ask about them first. For my sister its a bit harder though as she still obviously lives at home so is exposed to it more.

    Feeling better after letting it out. Its been playing on my mind a bit since our trip to see mum over the school holidays. But thinking with a clearer head, while it hurts a bit knowing that they werent willing to help me yet they are doing this for her, makes me feel a sense of achievement and pride, and most of strength. I can hold my head high and say I did it on my own. Its much more satisfying than knowing I had everyone doing it for me. In a way I am thankful they didnt, because I learned how to be strong and take care of myself and just get on with things.

    He + Me = dd1 (July 2007), dd2 (July 2010), dd3 (August 2012), dd4 (May 2014)
    Embrace the chaos

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SheWarrior For This Useful Post:

    Chippa  (13-07-2014),jesssalee  (14-07-2014)


 

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