If you prepare your sleep area to co sleep on purpose, it wont matter if it happens, if you know what I mean. I fell into co sleeping by accident (at the end of my rope when DS was about 5wks old) I hadn't had more than 2hrs sleep since his traumatic birth and I was struggling to function.
I pulled mine and DH's pillows out to the side of the bed, put down 2 terry nappies in the big gap in the middle and fed and laid down with DS - (he was in his own wrap and not under our blankets, on his own space).
He slept for 7hrs!
I woke up about 4 times to check him - and slept like I hadn't slept, literally, in weeks.
It wouldn't be a solution for you if he's got reflux or a similar issue that's causing him to wake - but if you prepare, and it happens, its ok.
Similar to @mumat, I fell into co-sleeping out of convenience. I was not coping at all and had started dreading nights because every time I fed DS it would be hours of screaming and me trying desperately to get him to sleep and he would sleep for maybe 30 minutes before waking. I discovered that if I had him in bed with us, he drifted off peacefully and slept for hours.
That being said, DH and I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I keep the blankets at my waist and my arm is between my pillow and DS's head. When it's done right, co-sleeping is safe. In fact, statistically speaking a baby who is co-sleeping with its parents is less likely to die of SIDS than a baby in its own room. The statistics on co-sleeping are skewed by those who don't do it safely and are inclusive of people who do things like fall asleep with bub next to them on a couch or have the baby in the bed with them while they're under the influence.
I think bottom line, and I'm not trying to be mean, but somewhere your expectations and how you do things are going to have to give if you're not coping. I understand you don't want to co-sleep and that's fine, but it's co-sleeping by accident that ends up being dangerous, and that can happen anywhere (a chair, a sofa, a bed).
There are things that may help your situation but you have to be willing to try them and work out solutions to what you think are potential roadblocks. You don't want to co-sleep then a solution to that roadblock are the co-sleeper bassinets I and others have posted. You don't want to feed in bed because you're scared of falling asleep, a solution is sitting up and playing on your phone while you feed. If you're tired you're tired and it's very plausible you could fall asleep feeding with the tv on, I don't think that's any safer than sitting up in bed.
There are things that may help you cope and manage but you have to be willing to try them ya know?
ETA: I'm not saying you have to do the above examples but just that you need to open yourself up to changing your mindset on how you think things should be. That's one thing I've learned with this parenting gig, what works isn't always what you had thought you wanted.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 28-07-2014 at 05:12.
I know you said you are worried about falling asleep while feeding him but how about feeding him lying on your bed during the day as if you are bed-sharing, and once he is asleep you leave the bed and have a nap on the couch or a recliner beside the bed if you have one.
When ds cries, I feed him lying down and he goes back to sleep. I don't pick him up to feed as he would wake up...
Making sure that there are no pillows etc. of course.
You could even have a single mattress on the floor for the bub like Montessori way? So you can feed him to sleep lying down but make sure you leave the bed once he's asleep.
Just trying to think how you can get some sleep...
Ok after today I really dont seem to have a choice. I'll probably buy or hire one of those cosleeper bassinets, but how can I cosleep safely in the meantime - what do I need to do to avoid squashing DS or him suffocating?
Also how long can he stay in those cosleeper bassinet things? What happens when he outgrows it? The cot wont fit in our room.
What about when he learns to roll over??
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We or I would lay with ours til they were asleep. We would listen for waking on the monitor. Rolling was never an issue. When I wasn't in the room, the pillows were as far to each side of the bed as I could get them without them falling off.
Once both the kids were mobile, DH actually taught them to back off the bed, legs first. In all the years co sleeping, both only fell out of our bed once each!
The bednest will last 5-6 months, by then you'll have hopefully done something like day sleeps in the cot so he won't mind the transition.
We did day sleeps in his room in the cot and then the bednest at night. Now he's in his cot in his room (5.5 months) and I'm on our guest bed in his room. Our guest bed is actually on the floor right now as our bed base couldn't fit up our new stairs (London flat with narrow stairway) so when I do co-sleep, mostly in the morning when I'm trying to stretch another hour out of him, him and I are in the middle of the bed, no blanket or pillows near him (one under my head) and if he did roll for some reason (he's not rolling yet) the mattress is on the floor so it wouldn't matter too much.
You'll find you're more aware of them being in the bed than you anticipate, you kind of end up spooning them with an arm protectively drape across. I wouldn't do it with DH in the bed (although you can), I find it easier to only have to worry about me and DS and less worrying because you can place yourself in the middle.
Google safe co-sleeping, there are some sites with tips. Your LC can usually provide info as well. Also not sure about if they can be swaddled while co-sleeping (we had the bednest so I never co-slept while he was tiny and in a swaddle) but I remember my LC saying they shouldn't be so that they can have their arms free to help move their head if needed.
Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 29-07-2014 at 17:22.
I'm excited for you! Like you, I really didn't want to co-sleep but ending up doing it accidentally a couple of times out of exhaustion. We hired the bednest when he was two weeks old and it was instantly a life changer, by far the best baby item we've used. I would have still been using it this past month if we hadn't moved and were unable to get our bed bases up the stairs , it's due to be returned next week. But we got a good 4.5 months out of it that were well worth it.
Something else that may help with your anxiety around co-sleeping is a Snuza which is a breathing monitor that clips to his nappy and will alert you if he goes 20 seconds without breathing.
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