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  1. #1
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    Default Would you Support a friend knowing she wants to marry for citizenship

    I have a friend that I suspected was looking for a marriage partner to gain citizenship in another country. I happened to be talking to a mutual friend who shared with me that that was her goal and plan.She already had met a guy some months ago and planned to marry him several weeks after meeting him. The relationship did not work out and she is on the hunt for another guy. I seem to think she is manipulative and being unfair to another guy..I am not sure if money is getting exchanged or it's a matter of finding the right person(vunerable) to fall for it. Would you just support her by continuing the friendship(it's usually by email) or ignore her?

  2. #2
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    I think it depends on the friendship TBH. If you take the whole 'marrying for citizenship' thing out of the picture, and focus only on the relationship between you and her, is she worth having as a friend? That's what I'd do I think.

    Really her quest to marry someone isn't directly affecting you, is it?

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    It's a hard one. My husband's best mate was the victim of a citizenship marriage and it was really hard watching him crumble after she left him less than 6 months after the wedding. He was sooo in love with her :-( I don't think I could knowing that someone was going to get hurt.

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    I couldn't support the friend if they weren't being upfront with the guy.
    I know a woman who married someone so they could stay in Australia but they both knew the score and it was a mutual decision.
    I couldn't support deliberately setting out to deceive someone (as opposed to deliberately deceiving a government ! )
    Even though she's not doing it to me, it speaks of her nature I guess.

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    I don't think I could be supportive and I don't think I could continue being friends. I knew someone who married my mate to get citizenship and then she left him a year later. He was in pieces! I also knew someone who deliberately got herself pregnant within 6 weeks of meeting a guy because she was so desperate to get married to someone. Things are not going particularly well for them and now they have a kid together.

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    I think I would have to seek out some type of confirmation. My heart says I would 'drop her' as a friend but my head says I would first need more evidence than gossip from a third party.

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    Personally, you're only basing this on speculation, and in any case- the so called relationship, or potential relationship has nothing to do with you so unless she (or him, or someone) asks for your opinion- I would stay out of it.

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    I would consider it none of my business tbh. People marry for all sorts of reasons.... Should we police everyone? Marrying for the wrong reasons will have its own consequences eventually so let people make their own choices in life.

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    No I would not support that because it's unethical and as you say manipulative and indicates a personality lacking in a conscience, who sees it as ok to hurt others as a justification for their own personal gain. I don't associate with liars or cheats, or those with such low moral standards because if they can use someone else to get what they want, they will do it to you.

    My friends are people I respect, with values I aspire to, not people motivated by their own self interest. It's her life, but it's also mine, and I prefer to surround myself with more socially conscious self aware humans.

    To to be honest she sounds like a bit of a ding bat and no good will ever come of plans such as these.

    i think you're right to question this. Good for you.

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  18. #10
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    I would want to know whether she had been fully upfront with the guy concerned, or not. If not, there's no question, that would ruin the friendship for me. I wouldn't want a bar of someone who duped a guy into marriage. If yes, it's not so bad imo. Two consenting adults can do what they like, and live with their own consequences.

    I have a friend who is in a similar marriage, I knew them after the fact. But they both searched & chose very carefully, two fully informed fully consenting adults. And they seem quite happy together. So who am I to judge. However I think theirs is a best-case-scenario, I don't think your friend is in a similar situation OP, I think a lot would depend on how much you respect her in general.

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