Very well written post OP! And big hugs for you.
I'm hugely torn myself at the moment, I dread the first day of dropping my baby girl off at daycare soon, but at the same time I'm so looking forward to returning to work, getting properly dressed for the day, interacting with adults and getting to use my brain!
I haven't been home for very long, but it's simply that some of us are not cut out for being a SAHM - we are better parents with that balance in our lives. Equally, some are not made to be working parents, and that's ok - both are a valid choice with their own pros and cons. It certainly doesn't mean we love our kids any less, or don't deserve them if we want to enhance our lives by working.
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