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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Excited1 View Post
    This is my experience as the 'new' wife- my DSD and DSS have my husbands name and his ex has kept his name also. I totally get why she has, as I'm sure its similar to why you want to have the same last name. BUT as a person marrying my DH I was upset at the fact that there was already a mrs x, so I became mrs x number 2. It totally did not feel great and I think its weird that she has kept his name after all that happened between them.The school gets confused, their friends do also and I find it upsetting.

    I DO get why you want the same name but what happens if you meet someone and marry and then change it anyway? I think if you were married and had already changed your name then I could understand more about keeping it (but still not agree).

    I guess I am thinking that if your ex meets someone and they marry, his new partner might feel similar to me. Just thinking from the other side which you may not have considered.
    I personally don't go by Mrs, I go by Ms because im not married.
    IMO she should also be a Ms not a Mrs

    Exdh's wife doesn't have anything to do with me and im pretty sure she'd have no idea what my last name is.. Exdh chose to leave and have nothing to do with DS. DS was 1 when that happened.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by AMC14 View Post
    I personally don't go by Mrs, I go by Ms because im not married.
    IMO she should also be a Ms not a Mrs

    Exdh's wife doesn't have anything to do with me and im pretty sure she'd have no idea what my last name is.. Exdh chose to leave and have nothing to do with DS. DS was 1 when that happened.
    Everyone should be a Mrs. It's outdated to change this based on marital status... A man is a mister whether is married or not isn't he?
    Why would we be different?

    I kept my name, don't see a good reason to change it. So I'll always be Mrs ExcuseMyFrench

  3. #23
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    Our first child (DD) was born before we were married and DH and I decided to hyphenate her name so that if in the future something happens and we separated then she would have both last names and because of this when we got married I kept my maiden name and when DS1 and DS2 were born we hyphenated their names as well. A friends DD had her ex's last name and when she got married her and her ex both agreed and legally changed their DD's last name to a hyphenated name so she had both her mothers married name and fathers last name.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by freeagent View Post
    My mum changed her name to mine (my fathers surname) shortly before I started school. I am really glad she did I will be keeping my ex's name as it is my sons name
    Thank you! This is MARVELLOUS to hear! I'm so glad you've commented!! This comment to me, a potential view of how my daughter will feel, is so so valuable, and had concreted my decision even more!

    Quote Originally Posted by AMC14 View Post
    Would you consider hyphernating your surname with your DD's surname?

    I still use my married name and
    have been divorced for 14 years... DS has my exdh's surname and DD has DF's surname. When we get married ill hyphernating my old married and new married names..
    DF and I talked about DD's surname because I was happy to not get married at all.. however he had other ideas..

    After 14 years I feel like I own it now lol I don't associate it back to exdh. Its just mine and DS's name of that makes sense.
    I definitely considered that, but her father refused to allow that...

    Quote Originally Posted by Excited1 View Post
    This is my experience as the 'new' wife- my DSD and DSS have my husbands name and his ex has kept his name also. I totally get why she has, as I'm sure its similar to why you want to have the same last name. BUT as a person marrying my DH I was upset at the fact that there was already a mrs x, so I became mrs x number 2. It totally did not feel great and I think its weird that she has kept his name after all that happened between them.The school gets confused, their friends do also and I find it upsetting.

    I DO get why you want the same name but what happens if you meet someone and marry and then change it anyway? I think if you were married and had already changed your name then I could understand more about keeping it (but still not agree).

    I guess I am thinking that if your ex meets someone and they marry, his new partner might feel similar to me. Just thinking from the other side which you may not have considered.
    I can totally see your point, where I can see why the ex has kept his name, if she's anything like me it's purely so that she does have the same name as her children - I know many women who have done the same thing, but in saying that I can see both sides!

    And with all that said, my ex... Isn't someone I could ever see getting married. Unless a partner literally forces him in to it.

    In any case, I no longer see it as HIS surname, I see it as my daughters, and that's the name I'm taking. Her surname, not his :-)

    Also, I don't see myself ever getting married or having more kids, but if by any chance I do, I will keep my daughters surname, and any further children will either have our (my daughter and my) surname or a hyphenated name. Again, I see it as my daughters name that I am taking, and not my exes :-)

  5. #25
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    My mum took my dads name when they got married and all of us kids also had that surname. When they divorced she kept the name and just put Ms. instead of Mrs.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Excited1 View Post
    This is my experience as the 'new' wife- my DSD and DSS have my husbands name and his ex has kept his name also. I totally get why she has, as I'm sure its similar to why you want to have the same last name. BUT as a person marrying my DH I was upset at the fact that there was already a mrs x, so I became mrs x number 2. It totally did not feel great and I think its weird that she has kept his name after all that happened between them.The school gets confused, their friends do also and I find it upsetting.


    Gah this is exactly why I don't want to change my name to my husband to be. Cos his exwife hasn't changed her name, and I don't want to be known as the same as her. Hard to explain but it sucks trying to please everyone, at the same time trying to do what YOU want also. For the time being I have decided to stick with my current surname which is my XH lol but same as kids. I think I will review later down the track maybe when kids are a little older.

    ETA -keeping in mind it is painful to do a name change when you older in life, too many things haha
    Last edited by 4LeafClover; 12-01-2015 at 16:54.


 

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