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  1. #11
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    I would go for the double last name myself just talk to him and explain how you feel ... Surely he would understand if his last name wasn't used

    As a single parent I completely understand but I'm lucky enough my little one just has my last name .. very complicated situation though

    That was one of my big concerns though having different last name .. seems small to some people but I completely understand what your feeling

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  2. #12
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    So it's been a while! I'm still actually considering this!

    I've decided (for a number of reasons I won't go in to here) I'm not having any more babies and I've spoken to the ex about it, and his response is he'd prefer me to change my name rather than change DD's to a hyphenated name...

    Just thought I'd give a bit of an update! My family don't really "get" my reasoning, but for me the thought of having a different surname to my DD is a big deal, and I'd prefer to have the same name.

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  4. #13
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    Would be a big deal for me as well. It's good your ex is supportive and given his approval.

  5. #14
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    Thanks! Me too :-)
    Now just gotta get through some financial strains (bloody cars!) and I think I'll do it :-)
    I might send out a group msg to family explaining why and stating if they have judgemental comments to keep to themselves, then do a similar thing for FB!

  6. #15
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    I totally understand how you feel.

    I would hate having a different surname to my DD. Its one of the reasons why I decided to change my name when I got married. Otherwise I probably would have kept my own name

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  8. #16
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    Yep! Along with that, I'm not fond of my surname - it's the only reason I've ever wanted to get married, to change my surname. I can't put in to words the amount of disrespect and.... Hatred? that I have for my fathers side of the family (not dad, just his family). So it'd be nice to disassociate myself too!

  9. #17
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    My mum changed her name to mine (my fathers surname) shortly before I started school. I am really glad she did I will be keeping my ex's name as it is my sons name

  10. #18
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    Would you consider hyphernating your surname with your DD's surname?

    I still use my married name and
    have been divorced for 14 years... DS has my exdh's surname and DD has DF's surname. When we get married ill hyphernating my old married and new married names..
    DF and I talked about DD's surname because I was happy to not get married at all.. however he had other ideas..

    After 14 years I feel like I own it now lol I don't associate it back to exdh. Its just mine and DS's name of that makes sense.

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    Good for you! I feel strongly, for feminist reasons, that I would never change my name, so I don't mind having a different surname to my sons. It does get a bit confusing from time to time. I can completely understand why some mothers feel strongly about having the same name as their children, even if they are separated from the father. Anyone who judges you for it is an idiot!

  12. #20
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    This is my experience as the 'new' wife- my DSD and DSS have my husbands name and his ex has kept his name also. I totally get why she has, as I'm sure its similar to why you want to have the same last name. BUT as a person marrying my DH I was upset at the fact that there was already a mrs x, so I became mrs x number 2. It totally did not feel great and I think its weird that she has kept his name after all that happened between them.The school gets confused, their friends do also and I find it upsetting.

    I DO get why you want the same name but what happens if you meet someone and marry and then change it anyway? I think if you were married and had already changed your name then I could understand more about keeping it (but still not agree).

    I guess I am thinking that if your ex meets someone and they marry, his new partner might feel similar to me. Just thinking from the other side which you may not have considered.


 

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