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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    But I'm sure you didn't make other people follow your schedule? It's one thing for a parent to set a schedule but it's completely different if they expect everyone else to follow their timings.

    I've been invited to a 1st bday party 6.30pm-late. It suits me but another mutual friend will probably not attend as it's her kids bedtime. And that's ok!



    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.
    I catch up with 2 other mums every week and we organise the time we meet up to coincide with the babies' nap times. Two of our babies nap at the same time and one at a different so it's timed that we get there just after two babies wake and early enough for the other mum to get her bub settled and off to sleep once we're there.
    What's wrong with that?

    On a side note, 6:30pm for a first birthday party seems odd.

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  3. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rose&Aurelia View Post
    But I'm sure you didn't make other people follow your schedule? It's one thing for a parent to set a schedule but it's completely different if they expect everyone else to follow their timings.
    It is a lot easier for a friend without a baby to change their day around to help make things work than the friend with the baby. If they do their grocery shopping and pick up a script at 10am, 2pm, or 5pm it's not going to result in the potential to have 2 hours screaming at bedtime followed by getting up every 2 hours all night. If you, with a fussy sleeper, don't plan your day properly then you do have a good chance of a night from hell. I'm not saying they need to book their birthday dinner for 30 guests at 3pm just to accommodate one mum. But if it's just the 2 if you catching up then surely it's reasonable to expect the non-baby person to consider the baby's needs when making plans.

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  5. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    I catch up with 2 other mums every week and we organise the time we meet up to coincide with the babies' nap times. Two of our babies nap at the same time and one at a different so it's timed that we get there just after two babies wake and early enough for the other mum to get her bub settled and off to sleep once we're there.
    What's wrong with that?

    On a side note, 6:30pm for a first birthday party seems odd.
    I dont think thete is anything wrong with it if it works for all parties involved but my friend who does it literally wont budge. Not even for birthday parties, special events etc. She is home every single day at 11am so she can put her 3.5yr old to bed. And she has done almost every single day since her daughter was born. So if I try to make plans, even though I have 3 children and she has 1, and my youngest is still a baby, it has to work around her daughters sleep or it doesnt happen. As a result it has negatively effected her friendship with me as I am not willing to always put myself and DS3 out when she isnt willing to do the same for me. She's basically lost the majority of her friends because she is so rigid. To me, thats just not a healthy way to live but its her choice I guess.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  7. #104
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    It is a lot easier for a friend without a baby to change their day around to help make things work than the friend with the baby. If they do their grocery shopping and pick up a script at 10am, 2pm, or 5pm it's not going to result in the potential to have 2 hours screaming at bedtime followed by getting up every 2 hours all night. If you, with a fussy sleeper, don't plan your day properly then you do have a good chance of a night from hell. I'm not saying they need to book their birthday dinner for 30 guests at 3pm just to accommodate one mum. But if it's just the 2 if you catching up then surely it's reasonable to expect the non-baby person to consider the baby's needs when making plans.

    ^This.

    Anyone (immediate family and friends) who saw what DD was like as a newborn and the negative impact her lack of sleep had on my mental health, are more than happy to accommodate us and DDs schedule.

    Family birthday dinners are now lunches or morning or afternoon teas.

    I'm happy to live by schedules if it means I get decent sleep and my mental health doesn't suffer.

    If this means not having kids out at night, not going on holidays until both kids no longer nap in the day and can self settle and sleep through the night,

    so be it.

    Any friend or family member who gets upset with this, bad luck sorry. My mental health and happiness of my kids and my family mean more to me than someone supposedly close to me getting upset if I'm late to something or have to leave early.

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  9. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I dont think thete is anything wrong with it if it works for all parties involved but my friend who does it literally wont budge. Not even for birthday parties, special events etc. She is home every single day at 11am so she can put her 3.5yr old to bed. And she has done almost every single day since her daughter was born. So if I try to make plans, even though I have 3 children and she has 1, and my youngest is still a baby, it has to work around her daughters sleep or it doesnt happen. As a result it has negatively effected her friendship with me as I am not willing to always put myself and DS3 out when she isnt willing to do the same for me. She's basically lost the majority of her friends because she is so rigid. To me, thats just not a healthy way to live but its her choice I guess.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    This is what my ex friend was like. Her continuous inflexibility just means I don't see her anymore. Friendships are about compromise.

    wifey of hubby who is always away. mother of two girls who are always amusing.

  10. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I dont think thete is anything wrong with it if it works for all parties involved but my friend who does it literally wont budge. Not even for birthday parties, special events etc. She is home every single day at 11am so she can put her 3.5yr old to bed. And she has done almost every single day since her daughter was born. So if I try to make plans, even though I have 3 children and she has 1, and my youngest is still a baby, it has to work around her daughters sleep or it doesnt happen. As a result it has negatively effected her friendship with me as I am not willing to always put myself and DS3 out when she isnt willing to do the same for me. She's basically lost the majority of her friends because she is so rigid. To me, thats just not a healthy way to live but its her choice I guess.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Oh, nah, stuff that!
    I love having a routine because it has meant that the girls will easily go off to sleep wherever we are. If I can time something to coincide with their sleeps that's awesome, if not I'll just transfer them to the car and they'll continue their nap wherever we are.
    Last edited by atomicmama; 09-07-2014 at 10:35.

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  12. #107
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    Well I'm on my phone so can't multi quote.

    I'm a teacher so have seen plenty of kids whose parents don't care much about sleep. And a lot of my friends put their wants over their child's sleep needs. A study done last year revealed Australia is one of the worst countries when it comes to the amount children sleep.

    When my babies were small I did just take them anywhere. And yep, with 3 kids, it's a bit hard to not have woken a baby at some stage. But I don't make a habit if it. When they were on 2 sleeps, I used to go the gym first thing in the morning at 9am and they would sleep in their pram. But I tried to make sure I was home for the other nap. When on one day nap, I try not to compromise that and I make sure they're in their own bed. Does this mean my life is ruled by nap time? Of course not. I organise my day around the naps. I go to the gym and the parks in the mornings and catch up with friends. I go home for the nap to have lunch, let my other kids have quiet time while I clean or cook. Then when my youngest wakes up, we go to the park again or catch up with fiends. I also organise play dates for my older 2 during my baby's nap time. I certainly don't feel tied down by his routine.

    My husband is an immigrant, so I'm not going to say that we will never go overseas again. How ridiculous. But I certainly won't be going for another 3/4 years until they're a bit older. Yes, it was nice to see my husband's family but I'm not going to lie and say it was easy. It took a good week for them to even look like themselves, and that was with a 2 night stop over in Dubai.

    Sonja - I'm talking about younger kids and older kids.

    I can't remember if I've missed anyone else.

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  14. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Party of Three View Post
    My oldest is going to be visiting family in Europe soon and they have a completely different sleeping schedule to us + she'll have jet lag...but man, she's going to have amazing time and have memories for life! Being a bit tired is just going to part of the deal, but I wouldn't say she couldn't go because it will throw her normal sleep out of whack and she'll be tired. The only thing that's unfair about this trip is that I'm not going I've already told her she can have a couple of days off school when she gets back to get over the jet lag.
    I also kept her up until 10.30pm last week so we could watch a more grown up movie together once her siblings were asleep. Amazing memories, she felt so special. I just picked a night where we didn't have to be anywhere early the next day and got her to bed a bit earlier the following night.
    I'm pretty strict on school nights though. They need to be in bed by 8pm, the only exceptions are school disco's but we don't go out for dinner or anything like that during the school week.
    Sounds like a great trip. How old is your Dd and who will she be travelling with? Why can't you go?

  15. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by redlipsandpearls View Post
    On a side note, 6:30pm for a first birthday party seems odd.
    Very odd indeed...

    The different cultural aspects are interesting. In some cultures it's normal and ok for young kids to be out until 11pm at night, whereas in others it's seen as irresponsible.

  16. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I dont think thete is anything wrong with it if it works for all parties involved but my friend who does it literally wont budge. Not even for birthday parties, special events etc. She is home every single day at 11am so she can put her 3.5yr old to bed. And she has done almost every single day since her daughter was born. So if I try to make plans, even though I have 3 children and she has 1, and my youngest is still a baby, it has to work around her daughters sleep or it doesnt happen. As a result it has negatively effected her friendship with me as I am not willing to always put myself and DS3 out when she isnt willing to do the same for me. She's basically lost the majority of her friends because she is so rigid. To me, thats just not a healthy way to live but its her choice I guess.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    I agree. I have a routine but will budge for special outings, mothers group etc. trying to organise mothers group catch ups and one mum is always "I can't do 9 because the baby is napping, I can't do 1-3 blah blah blah." She won't put bub to sleep anywhere but the cot.
    - I just say "organise a time that agrees with most and I will work bubs nap around it." (I really want to say "ffs there are other people to consider to so bend a little will ya!")

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