+ Reply to Thread
Page 7 of 9 FirstFirst ... 56789 LastLast
Results 61 to 70 of 84
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Roleystone
    Posts
    1,711
    Thanks
    2,383
    Thanked
    1,926
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Definitely not. As PP's have said - if I thought I needed to hire a PI to check someone out, I wouldn't continue the relationship.

    I think it's more about taking things a bit slower - getting to know someone well before moving in with them, letting them be alone with your kids, having kids with them etc. I'm not naive, I know some horrible people who have led double lives....some made more of a mess because they decided to have a child together 2 months after they started dating! You do not know a person that early, and the lust hormones are still firing on all cylinders.

    And "checking into someone" can sometimes be a bit like snooping their phone - you find a one sided story and then can't ask them about it, because you're in the wrong for snooping.

    If I ever found out someone hired a PI to follow me, or "researched" me before they decided to date me, I'd throw them out on their ear quicker than they could say boo. I would find that akin to cheating on me. Dishonesty is not something I will tolerate. It would make me think the type of person they are is someone who will not communicate honestly with me and will turn to snooping as a first way of getting information.

    Also - my past is very different to my present and my future. No, I haven't murdered anyone and I'm not a criminal - but there are things that if my now DH had found out through "snooping" instead of me telling him the story, he may not have wanted to give me a chance either.

    For the people who say they would do it - how would you feel about it being done to you? (legitimate question, not having a go).

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to HillDweller For This Useful Post:

    MsViking  (07-07-2014)

  3. #62
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,221
    Thanks
    1,169
    Thanked
    668
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Degrassi View Post
    I know a woman who is married now, but was a single mum for quite a few years to two boys. The youngest boy's father wasn't in the picture at all and hadn't been so since she was pregnant. Whenever she would partner up with a new guy, she'd happily encourage her boy call him 'daddy'. One of DH's mates was in a sexual relationship with her for a few weeks and he was called 'daddy' after about a week. I think this is wrong and so sad.
    Ohh i know someone who has done this as well ... more so when her son was a toddler. It was horrible. She was hard into the 'rave' scene and had boyfriend after boyfriend, and she had her poor little boy call them all daddy. One guy she was with who her son called daddy ended up dying of an OD. Her little boy woke her up trying to wake him up!! Not cool.

  4. #63
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1,221
    Thanks
    1,169
    Thanked
    668
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    OP I would only get someones background checked if i felt there was reason to - like if i had concerns or suspicions. But on the other hand if i had any of those feelings, i just wouldn't date them.

    My gut instinct is pretty strong... it's led me well in life, so i know i can be confident to trust in that.

  5. #64
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    450
    Thanks
    441
    Thanked
    251
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by crankyoldcow View Post
    Are there any publically available s3x offenders lists? As a mother of four children, my childrens safety is paramount I would be very interested in scouring any publically available s3x offenders lists before introducing someone to my children.
    WA is the only state in Australia that currently has a public s.ex offender register at the moment.

    https://www.communityprotection.wa.gov.au/About

    You can do a local search to see if there are any s.ex offenders in your area.

    Also, you can put in a request to find out whether someone who is going to have unsupervised contact with your children is a reportable offender.
    Last edited by sky1; 07-07-2014 at 14:16.

  6. #65
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    4,109
    Thanks
    1,604
    Thanked
    2,085
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    If I ever found out someone hired a PI to follow me, or "researched" me before they decided to date me, I'd throw them out on their ear quicker than they could say boo.
    The PI I'd have an issue with but if a guy was interested and did a bit of research first, so long as it wasn't stalker-level, I'd have no problem. Like if he googled my name, checked out pics of me on mutual friends' Facebook and quizzed any mutual friends to get a better idea of our compatibility. I don't think it's an issue of privacy, I just think we need to be smart when starting a relationship. He could potentially be saving us both a lot of time and bother if he unturns something that he has a problem with. If he's a good guy, worth my time, then he'll give me the chance to explain that picture of me, the easter bunny and 4 empty jugs of sangria. If he chooses to judge me based on a 20 year old story from a cousin's friend's sister, then he's a ******** and I wouldn't want to be with him.

    All hypothetical, as I'm 100% married. But having a failed marriage previous I definitely did a lot of quizzing anyone and everyone before getting serious with DH.

  7. #66
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,869
    Thanks
    879
    Thanked
    1,201
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    No I wouldn't. I don't think someone's past defines them as a person and I would rather not have other information clouding my judgement. If I felt that there was something 'off' that prompted the need for a background check, I wouldn't pursue the relationship further.
    To me someone's previous behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour unless they have made a conscious, significant and long standing change. I would want my judgement to be clouded as I would rather add to my judgement anything that could make it well rounded.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to BbBbBh For This Useful Post:

    Stretched  (07-07-2014)

  9. #67
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    1,868
    Thanks
    3,216
    Thanked
    1,513
    Reviews
    4
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    Definitely not. As PP's have said - if I thought I needed to hire a PI to check someone out, I wouldn't continue the relationship.

    I think it's more about taking things a bit slower - getting to know someone well before moving in with them, letting them be alone with your kids, having kids with them etc. I'm not naive, I know some horrible people who have led double lives....some made more of a mess because they decided to have a child together 2 months after they started dating! You do not know a person that early, and the lust hormones are still firing on all cylinders.

    And "checking into someone" can sometimes be a bit like snooping their phone - you find a one sided story and then can't ask them about it, because you're in the wrong for snooping.

    If I ever found out someone hired a PI to follow me, or "researched" me before they decided to date me, I'd throw them out on their ear quicker than they could say boo. I would find that akin to cheating on me. Dishonesty is not something I will tolerate. It would make me think the type of person they are is someone who will not communicate honestly with me and will turn to snooping as a first way of getting information.

    Also - my past is very different to my present and my future. No, I haven't murdered anyone and I'm not a criminal - but there are things that if my now DH had found out through "snooping" instead of me telling him the story, he may not have wanted to give me a chance either.

    For the people who say they would do it - how would you feel about it being done to you? (legitimate question, not having a go).
    Fair comment and fair question. I guess if the person checking into my background was doing it out of love and protection of their child/ren, I couldn't argue with that!

  10. #68
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Penrith
    Posts
    5,261
    Thanks
    1,742
    Thanked
    524
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    The kids dad admitted to running a check on me in the early stages of our friendship, I freaked but kinda understood.. (Until now)

    But I've lived with a few people. Spent every day with them, and they still surprise me!

    If I was asked id admit it, even if I wasn't asked I'd tell them, I can't lie, I can't hide things.

    If they knew me they would understand why I did it, of they didn't it's their loss.

  11. #69
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Roleystone
    Posts
    1,711
    Thanks
    2,383
    Thanked
    1,926
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    The PI I'd have an issue with but if a guy was interested and did a bit of research first, so long as it wasn't stalker-level, I'd have no problem. Like if he googled my name, checked out pics of me on mutual friends' Facebook and quizzed any mutual friends to get a better idea of our compatibility. I don't think it's an issue of privacy, I just think we need to be smart when starting a relationship. He could potentially be saving us both a lot of time and bother if he unturns something that he has a problem with. If he's a good guy, worth my time, then he'll give me the chance to explain that picture of me, the easter bunny and 4 empty jugs of sangria. If he chooses to judge me based on a 20 year old story from a cousin's friend's sister, then he's a ******** and I wouldn't want to be with him.

    All hypothetical, as I'm 100% married. But having a failed marriage previous I definitely did a lot of quizzing anyone and everyone before getting serious with DH.
    I wouldn't have much of a problem with the Facebook checking - I've put all that information out there for anyone to see (although, I did once go on a date with a guy that turned up reciting a while heap of stuff he'd clearly got from Facebook stalking me, talking about things I'd done and asking about people in my life by name - that was wag creepy and I ran a mile!) lol

  12. #70
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Roleystone
    Posts
    1,711
    Thanks
    2,383
    Thanked
    1,926
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    To me someone's previous behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour
    Not always. Things I did to my ex H I can guarantee I won't do to my DH. Behavior can be circumstantial. (Obviously I'm not talking something like pedophilia it anything, that definitely predicts future behaviour)

    But it can be. Which is why I'd have grave concerns about the future behaviour of someone who secretly ran background checks on me.. If I found that out I'd never trust them again.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Prospective employer not playing by the rules?
    By sydneychick in forum Working Hubbers - Employed
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 27-03-2014, 19:26
  2. Intolerance to background noise?
    By FearlessLeader in forum General Chat
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 25-09-2013, 16:02
  3. 2am bubhub check
    By mummtime101 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 08-09-2013, 20:21

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
WaterWipes
Give your babies bottom a gift this Xmas! They are the only wipe made using just water and a drop of grapefruit seed extract and may help avoid nappy rash. Check out the great reviews on bubhub and see our website for more info and availability.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
SRC Pregnancy & Recovery Shorts
Want pain relief during pregnancy, and to continue working and exercising? Fancy a speedy recovery after childbirth? Want to regain your pre-baby body shape fast? Recommended by healthcare professionals, SRC compression products will let your body do its most important work.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!