I wouldn't have an issue about asking for a WWC before they met my children. In fact I would ask them to fork over their id and i'd do it for them whilst organisaing mine to give them (assuming they too would have children). Anybody who thought that was odd would not be on the same page as me so i'd be flicking them anyway. I would google them, ask them questions about their relationships with their mum/sisters, watch how they treated wait staff etc. I would be getting warning bells if someone was too charismatic or charming or if they were avoidant. I wouldn't have a problem getting a PI either if I felt the need. My loyalty lays with my children not a partner. And when would I tell them? After the fact and if I felt he was a keeper.
Last edited by BbBbBh; 07-07-2014 at 07:30.
Wise Enough (07-07-2014)
I said I'd just Google-snoop and that I would tell them. If my 'hunch' or a bits of info I had gathered lead me to feel that hiring a PI might be necessary I would probably just end the relationship there and toss them in the 'too hard' basket.
No I wouldn't. I don't think someone's past defines them as a person and I would rather not have other information clouding my judgement. If I felt that there was something 'off' that prompted the need for a background check, I wouldn't pursue the relationship further.
If I was asked by a partner for financial visibility I'd be fine with that, and it's understandable once a relationship becomes serious (buying property together, joint expenses etc).
Criminal checks, perfectly ok. I've had police check and working with children checks done for work too. Those things are fine.
I wouldn't go to the extent of hiring a PI, though I wouldn't blame a vulnerable single parent with a history of being burnt previously if they felt they had to do that for their own peace of mind.
I think when you are a parent, it is critical to take it slow and get to know someone really well before they become big part of your life. I think children should always be put first, their safety is paramount.
I know a woman who is married now, but was a single mum for quite a few years to two boys. The youngest boy's father wasn't in the picture at all and hadn't been so since she was pregnant. Whenever she would partner up with a new guy, she'd happily encourage her boy call him 'daddy'. One of DH's mates was in a sexual relationship with her for a few weeks and he was called 'daddy' after about a week. I think this is wrong and so sad.
The only way I have guaranteed DS (and my) safety since I had him has been to not have unknown males in my house and have 100% control over who is in his life. It means my dating life is on extended hold but it's how I choose things to be right now for DS's sake. If only my family would understand that better! :S
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