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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    For those that would consider hiring a PI to investigate your partner/future partner, would you tell them you were doing so? would you do it before or after the fact? Would that depend on whether anything come to light?

    No judgment, just interested.
    I asked this a bit earlier, interested also...

  2. #52
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    I wouldn't have an issue about asking for a WWC before they met my children. In fact I would ask them to fork over their id and i'd do it for them whilst organisaing mine to give them (assuming they too would have children). Anybody who thought that was odd would not be on the same page as me so i'd be flicking them anyway. I would google them, ask them questions about their relationships with their mum/sisters, watch how they treated wait staff etc. I would be getting warning bells if someone was too charismatic or charming or if they were avoidant. I wouldn't have a problem getting a PI either if I felt the need. My loyalty lays with my children not a partner. And when would I tell them? After the fact and if I felt he was a keeper.
    Last edited by BbBbBh; 07-07-2014 at 08:30.

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  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ellewood View Post
    Well, @delirium, I don't think I'd tell the other person if I was checking them out if I'm being honest.

    I think checking registers is fine and everyone should do it.

    But as for hiring a PI to check financial status, other quirks, I'd feel more icky doing that. I know I'd be mortified if someone did it to me! And if I found out a guy checked me out in the early stages of dating I'd dump his a.ss I'd be so angry. So I guess I'm a bit hipocritical..... But hey anyone is welcome to look up my criminal record! Go for it!
    See I wouldn't have an issue with the guy sussing me out too. Not extensive snooping after just a few dates, but if it looked like things were potentially getting serious. Hiring a PI I would probably take offence at as I would have been very open with them anyhow so it would suggest they think I'm lying. As a teacher I need to get a police check done regularly for work anyhow so if he tried to do a police check on me I'd probably dump him for being stupid.

    I said I'd just Google-snoop and that I would tell them. If my 'hunch' or a bits of info I had gathered lead me to feel that hiring a PI might be necessary I would probably just end the relationship there and toss them in the 'too hard' basket.

  5. #54
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    No I wouldn't. I don't think someone's past defines them as a person and I would rather not have other information clouding my judgement. If I felt that there was something 'off' that prompted the need for a background check, I wouldn't pursue the relationship further.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stretched View Post
    See I wouldn't have an issue with the guy sussing me out too. Not extensive snooping after just a few dates, but if it looked like things were potentially getting serious. Hiring a PI I would probably take offence at as I would have been very open with them anyhow so it would suggest they think I'm lying. As a teacher I need to get a police check done regularly for work anyhow so if he tried to do a police check on me I'd probably dump him for being stupid.

    I said I'd just Google-snoop and that I would tell them. If my 'hunch' or a bits of info I had gathered lead me to feel that hiring a PI might be necessary I would probably just end the relationship there and toss them in the 'too hard' basket.
    Yeah, i it comes down to different types of snooping and what's involved. If someone snooped into my bank accounts and finances I'd be livid (and embarrassed as they'd be disappointed! Lol) and that to me is crossing a major line. Having a PI follow me and suss out my day-to-day life, also not even slightly ok! And I have nothing to hide but it's just so sneaky and unnecessary.

    If I was asked by a partner for financial visibility I'd be fine with that, and it's understandable once a relationship becomes serious (buying property together, joint expenses etc).

    Criminal checks, perfectly ok. I've had police check and working with children checks done for work too. Those things are fine.

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    I wouldn't go to the extent of hiring a PI, though I wouldn't blame a vulnerable single parent with a history of being burnt previously if they felt they had to do that for their own peace of mind.

    I think when you are a parent, it is critical to take it slow and get to know someone really well before they become big part of your life. I think children should always be put first, their safety is paramount.

    I know a woman who is married now, but was a single mum for quite a few years to two boys. The youngest boy's father wasn't in the picture at all and hadn't been so since she was pregnant. Whenever she would partner up with a new guy, she'd happily encourage her boy call him 'daddy'. One of DH's mates was in a sexual relationship with her for a few weeks and he was called 'daddy' after about a week. I think this is wrong and so sad.

  8. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by dee1 View Post
    No I wouldn't. I don't think someone's past defines them as a person and I would rather not have other information clouding my judgement. If I felt that there was something 'off' that prompted the need for a background check, I wouldn't pursue the relationship further.
    So previously murdering someone doesn't define someone? Or being a convicted paedophile?

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  10. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Degrassi View Post

    I know a woman who is married now, but was a single mum for quite a few years to two boys. The youngest boy's father wasn't in the picture at all and hadn't been so since she was pregnant. Whenever she would partner up with a new guy, she'd happily encourage her boy call him 'daddy'. One of DH's mates was in a sexual relationship with her for a few weeks and he was called 'daddy' after about a week. I think this is wrong and so sad.
    That's a whole other thread, but gahh! I can't stand that! They're setting their kids up for serious issues

  11. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Degrassi View Post

    I think when you are a parent, it is critical to take it slow and get to know someone really well before they become big part of your life. I think children should always be put first, their safety is paramount.
    .
    I totally agree. Except for cases of sexual abuse. Unfortunately with regards to child sexual abuse the offender is often someone within the extended family and/or who is well-known by the family, many who are not on any public register at all. I dare say there's many perpetrators of domestic violence out there also who are not on any register .

    The only way I have guaranteed DS (and my) safety since I had him has been to not have unknown males in my house and have 100% control over who is in his life. It means my dating life is on extended hold but it's how I choose things to be right now for DS's sake. If only my family would understand that better! :S

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    Quote Originally Posted by Degrassi View Post
    I wouldn't go to the extent of hiring a PI, though I wouldn't blame a vulnerable single parent with a history of being burnt previously if they felt they had to do that for their own peace of mind.

    I think when you are a parent, it is critical to take it slow and get to know someone really well before they become big part of your life. I think children should always be put first, their safety is paramount.

    I know a woman who is married now, but was a single mum for quite a few years to two boys. The youngest boy's father wasn't in the picture at all and hadn't been so since she was pregnant. Whenever she would partner up with a new guy, she'd happily encourage her boy call him 'daddy'. One of DH's mates was in a sexual relationship with her for a few weeks and he was called 'daddy' after about a week. I think this is wrong and so sad.
    Ugh. So wrong!


 

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