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  1. #41
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    I'm not sure. I'm definitely way more wary now I'm a mother. I think I would ask a lot of questions under the guise of 'getting to know you', and if anything didn't add up I like to think I'd say so, and walk away. But people get conned all the time. And I don't think it's because some people are stupid, like some have implied here. It's because con artists and shonky people and sociopaths are very, very good at it. So, on that, I wouldn't judge others for doing it, I just don't think it's necessarily the best foundation for a relationship. I can see how it would be a risk that people are willing to take though.

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    For those that would consider hiring a PI to investigate your partner/future partner, would you tell them you were doing so? would you do it before or after the fact? Would that depend on whether anything come to light?

    No judgment, just interested.

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    See I don't see this as being paranoid or having trust issues - I think it's very pragmatic.

    One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was: "nobody gets screwed over by a creep". There's a reason why so many con-artists, pedophiles & generally dodgy people worm their way into victims lives - because they come across as charming, likeable people. Creepy people don't get away with it for long but true sociopaths know exactly how to con people.

    Of course have your guard up - I'd be wary of anyone who doesn't have friends they have known for a long time for instance, makes me think they may have a past they are burying - but it doesn't hurt to be extra careful.

    I also think I would tell them afterwards - if they were really upset by it & it ruined the relationship then he probably wouldn't be the right man for me anyway. I'd be turned off someone who couldn't logically understand my point of view and only saw it from a personal angle.

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  5. #44
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    I wouldn't. But I have a little quirk that lets me get the measure of people pretty quickly meaning I don't really have to.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tildy View Post
    I wouldn't. But I have a little quirk that lets me get the measure of people pretty quickly meaning I don't really have to.
    Please explain?

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    I think it's all fine and good to say use your instincts and all, but as some PPs have said it's about protecting your children and acknowledging we don't live in a perfect world and there are plenty of people around who have a shady history who, if we knew more info on, probably wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

    If I found myself single again, darn right I'd do a bit of checking up on them before making any big decisions like moving in, combining finances, or leaving them alone with my child.

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    I would do a bit of digging on my own I think, then maybe I would consider a PI.

    After reading these stories, if something was to happen to DH I'm not sure I would be brave enough to date.

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    I don't think I could ever bring myself to actually hire a PI or anything.. but I can understand why some people would! There are crazies out there that seem so normal!!

    I met DH on RSVP, the guy I met immediately before him on RSVP I went on a few dates with over the course a month or so. He was an ER doctor and said his schedule was all over the place, shift work etc. He seemed very into me but would leave it ages between dates, which he attributed to his work.

    Long story short, he was actually an ER doctor.. but his schedule was mostly full with his GIRLFRIEND! I couldn't believe the trouble he went to to find a bit on the side / affair / second girlfriend, whatever the hell he was doing, and how he didn't see a problem with doing it !!!

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    Not a pi, but I would check google and run their name through a sex offenders list if we had one here in Aus. Molesters can be very charming and they have been known to date single mums to get to the kids It's so scary

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    Well, @delirium, I don't think I'd tell the other person if I was checking them out if I'm being honest.

    I think checking registers is fine and everyone should do it.

    But as for hiring a PI to check financial status, other quirks, I'd feel more icky doing that. I know I'd be mortified if someone did it to me! And if I found out a guy checked me out in the early stages of dating I'd dump his a.ss I'd be so angry. So I guess I'm a bit hipocritical..... But hey anyone is welcome to look up my criminal record! Go for it!


 
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