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  1. #21
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    Um, no. Never. Especially not with my kid's boyfriend/girlfriend. That's just...well. wow. no.
    My mum asked my teenage boyfriend to get tested for STI's when she knew we were s.exually active as he had previous experiences. He happily obliged, but that was after some time, when they had built their own trusting relationship etc. I think that's okay, but hiring PI's is so not on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Party of Three View Post
    Um, no. Never. Especially not with my kid's boyfriend/girlfriend. That's just...well. wow. no.
    My mum asked my teenage boyfriend to get tested for STI's when she knew we were s.exually active as he had previous experiences. He happily obliged, but that was after some time, when they had built their own trusting relationship etc. I think that's okay, but hiring PI's is so not on.
    What the hell.... How old were you when your mum asked him? Were you mortified?

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    What the hell.... How old were you when your mum asked him? Were you mortified?
    I was 15. And no, not mortified at all. My boyfriend (17) was from another country and he had no family here, so my parents became really close with him (closer than the average teen boyfriend would to his girlfriend's parents) and he openly talked about his s.exual past with my parents. My mum didn't demand it, but she was worried about me being s.exually active at that age, and we had a talk and my mum just asked him if he would mind doing it. He said he had no issues and went and got tested that week, then showed my mum his results. Mum thanked him, and that was the end of it.
    I understand how it sounds horrifying and meddling, but it really wasn't like that at all. My parents loved him like a son, and when he went back to his home country my parents bawled like babies saying goodbye to him (it was the third time in my life I'd ever seen my dad cry).

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    I think it's also important to remember that police checks only show what you've been busted for, not what you've done. You could get a background check on someone that still turns out abusive etc.

    I do understand your past is influencing this OP. I do get you are much more guarded. I just personally wouldn't do it.

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    No way!
    If you cant trust the person you are with or your own instincts you probably shouldn't be in the relationship.
    As for checking on childrens partners, that is over stepping so many boundaries! Back off!

  7. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I think it's also important to remember that police checks only show what you've been busted for, not what you've done. You could get a background check on someone that still turns out abusive etc.

    I do understand your past is influencing this OP. I do get you are much more guarded. I just personally wouldn't do it.
    Yes, I'm kinda getting that I have MAJOR trust issues... Ahhhh one day my guard will come down perhaps.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MilkingMaid View Post
    Yes, I'm kinda getting that I have MAJOR trust issues... Ahhhh one day my guard will come down perhaps.
    I think it's very wise, especially when you have kids, to have your guard up. I dunno, I don't have the answers, but I would take things really really slow and let their true colours come out.

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  10. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by MilkingMaid View Post
    Yes, I'm kinda getting that I have MAJOR trust issues... Ahhhh one day my guard will come down perhaps.
    I think that any decent prospective partner would understand the desire to not be badly hurt again and would be willing to take it slow. A family friend was really badly hurt by an ex, and he was very shy about getting in to a serious relationship again. but he met a woman who had also been badly hurt. They took it slowly together and built up the trust with each other over time. It has a happy ending for them

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    I read this article today which is sort of relevant to the question you're asking.

    http://www.philosophersmail.com/rela...-wrong-people/

    I agree that we've backflipped and ended up with an over-romanticised view of what makes a good relationship. Plus we rely on our "instincts" too much. I don't know if I'd go so far as a PI check but if I found myself single again, considering that the people I'd be dating would have at least 40 years behind them, I'd be doing plenty of Google-snooping. I'd tell them I'm doing it too.

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    MilkingMaid  (06-07-2014),sky1  (06-07-2014),Stiflers Mom  (06-07-2014)

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    Nup, what's the point? What are the chances of the person you are seeing having a a criminal history? There are plenty of dodgy people who haven't got a record. If you didn't come up with a bad past would you then just trust them completely? I think instincts are more important.

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