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  1. #11
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    But isn't it like getting a used car checked out by RACQ or the Motoring association, because you have fallen in love with it, you really want it to be the one, but you actually don't know if there might just be something nasty lurking that might bite you in the ar$e further down the track?

    I must be reading FAR too many detective/thriller novels!

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    Quote Originally Posted by MilkingMaid View Post
    But isn't it like getting a used car checked out by RACQ or the Motoring association, because you have fallen in love with it, you really want it to be the one, but you actually don't know if there might just be something nasty lurking that might bite you in the ar$e further down the track?

    I must be reading FAR too many detective/thriller novels!
    If you don't have the people skills and nouse to discover a rat on your own then you are doomed anyway.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    If you don't have the people skills and nouse to discover a rat on your own then you are doomed anyway.
    haha tell that to all the millions of people in the world who have ever ended a relationship!!!!

    I'd be more worried about all the crazy-making love hormones rushing through my blood****** causing me to see this person through rose coloured glasses...

    Natures way of perpetuating the species, regardless of whether or not two people are actually matched well or not.

    Independent observers have their place I think.

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  5. #14
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    I never have and sure after some of the d*cks i've dated I have thought in hindsight "gee I wish I knew that at the beginning" but then i'm not sure I would act differently.
    For me, how soon would this happen? Surely people have a right to privacy? I would be horrified if someone ran a background check on me, especially if they hadn't given me the courtesy of asking me questions about myself and my life first.
    If you've asked someone questions and their answers don't add up, ask them more questions and make a decision or don't and walk away.
    I have no idea how I would ever explain it if I got caught and it turned out they were an amazing human and I looked like a psycho!

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    I'm just curious, what sort of background check are you talking? Criminal History, Traffic, financial etc. A PI wouldn't have access to Police records. In my opinion you may be able to find out if there's any significant criminal history you didn't know about or loans not paid but you're still not going to know if they've cheated on anyone etc. To be honest, I'd probably be pretty upset if someone did a check on me (without giving them reasons too) & I have nothing to hide.

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    Nope wouldn't do that. DH and I were friends for 18 months before we dated, lived together 6 years before marriage and 8.5 years together before our first baby. I think in *most* situations people's true colours come out within a few years. IMO many jump into marriage and babies far too quickly. Get to know the person properly before committing and in most cases there is no need for a PI.

    As to doing that with my kids potential partners, wowsers However much I want to shield them (and believe me, that's a lot, self confessed helicopter parent here) my kids need to make their own choices and mistakes to grow and learn. A much better solution is to have an open dialogue with your kids about the warning signs. My DD is almost 10 and already we are talking about what traits and behaviours she should run like a dog shot in the a@se from lol

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    No I wouldn't. If you're that worried about not trusting your gut then you're not ready for giving a relationship a go.

    Would you tell them? I

  11. #18
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    no.

    It is much harder when you have children ... but that is why you take relationships slowly. You get to know the person and find out about them before you take the next step.

    There are still risks ... but trust is an important part of any relationship and you need to each learn to trust each other before you can HAVE a relationship.


    Its hard though

  12. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky27 View Post
    I'm just curious, what sort of background check are you talking? Criminal History, Traffic, financial etc. A PI wouldn't have access to Police records. In my opinion you may be able to find out if there's any significant criminal history you didn't know about or loans not paid but you're still not going to know if they've cheated on anyone etc. To be honest, I'd probably be pretty upset if someone did a check on me (without giving them reasons too) & I have nothing to hide.
    Yeah good question. I always thought criminal offences were a matter of public record. Was just reading an article about this:

    The suggestion by the Minister of Justice, Judith Collins, that public registers be set up to provide open and easy access to the criminal record of serious offenders is one that will be welcomed by many people.
    The idea has been prompted by the murder in Christchurch of teenager Jade Bayliss by a man who had been deported from Australia after serving a sentence for manslaughter there. Jade's mother had had a relationship with the man, unaware of his homicidal background. Jade's mother had been alarmed by the man's behaviour and had obtained an order to ensure he kept away from her. It emerged, however, that in the absence of a serious imminent threat the police felt they were inhibited by the law from passing on information to her about the man's criminal record and that they could not do so even if directly asked. It also emerged that when a person is deported from Australia the police here are told of the deportation but the deportee's record is not routinely passed on.
    Criminal convictions are already a matter of public record. Access to the record, however, is not easy. The police, for instance, in most circumstances cannot, because of rules governing the disclosure of information from police computers and concerns about privacy, reveal them. A properly maintained official register would cut through the thicket of difficulties to provide the information more readily.


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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Nope wouldn't do that. DH and I were friends for 18 months before we dated, lived together 6 years before marriage and 8.5 years together before our first baby. I think in *most* situations people's true colours come out within a few years. IMO many jump into marriage and babies far too quickly. Get to know the person properly before committing and in most cases there is no need for a PI.

    As to doing that with my kids potential partners, wowsers However much I want to shield them (and believe me, that's a lot, self confessed helicopter parent here) my kids need to make their own choices and mistakes to grow and learn. A much better solution is to have an open dialogue with your kids about the warning signs. My DD is almost 10 and already we are talking about what traits and behaviours she should run like a dog shot in the a@se from lol
    Totally agree! Try before you buy/breed and stay out of your kids pants!


 

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