+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    278
    Thanks
    132
    Thanked
    89
    Reviews
    13

    Default Leaving a domestic violence relationship

    Hi ladies, I'm not a single parent myself but have a friend whose partner has become violent and is planning to leave, I was thinking this May be the best thread to get advise in.

    How did you go about leaving?
    How did you manage to secure a rental if you only have benefits?

    & for me.. How do I support her? What can I do/ say?

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    8,245
    Thanks
    1,772
    Thanked
    2,017
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ended 19/6/2014
    I'd tried to leave but was unsuccessfully in acquiring a rental property. We actually ended up homeless the for about 6 months the first time i left. It didn't matter how many organisations i contacted, there was no help available. So after giving up on life and going back to my ex, i changed my strategy. I got a job, then another. I worked my butt off for about 2 years. I paid out about 12k in debt, saved another 20k. I finally had a bit of financial leverage and was able to offer 12 months rent in advance when applying for rentals. I think that is what finally got me a place. It was a soul destroying 2 years though and as a result of staying i'm still incredibly dead on the inside.

    Has your friend contacted a DV line at all? It might be her best bet. If she is placed in a refuge, they will help her get on centrelink payments, find more suitable longer term accommodation, etc.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to HarvestMoon For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (03-07-2014),VicPark  (03-07-2014)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    278
    Thanks
    132
    Thanked
    89
    Reviews
    13
    Thanks for your reply. Sounds like a tough ride, I'm so glad you go out in the end.

    I'll recommend the helpline.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    8,544
    Thanks
    1,351
    Thanked
    2,307
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    I'd tried to leave but was unsuccessfully in acquiring a rental property. We actually ended up homeless the for about 6 months the first time i left. It didn't matter how many organisations i contacted, there was no help available. So after giving up on life and going back to my ex, i changed my strategy. I got a job, then another. I worked my butt off for about 2 years. I paid out about 12k in debt, saved another 20k. I finally had a bit of financial leverage and was able to offer 12 months rent in advance when applying for rentals. I think that is what finally got me a place. It was a soul destroying 2 years though and as a result of staying i'm still incredibly dead on the inside.

    Has your friend contacted a DV line at all? It might be her best bet. If she is placed in a refuge, they will help her get on centrelink payments, find more suitable longer term accommodation, etc.
    wow that's incredibly sad to hear .

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:

    HarvestMoon  (03-07-2014)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    12,708
    Thanks
    9,558
    Thanked
    12,691
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/1/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 7/11/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 3/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by HarvestMoon View Post
    I'd tried to leave but was unsuccessfully in acquiring a rental property. We actually ended up homeless the for about 6 months the first time i left. It didn't matter how many organisations i contacted, there was no help available. So after giving up on life and going back to my ex, i changed my strategy. I got a job, then another. I worked my butt off for about 2 years. I paid out about 12k in debt, saved another 20k. I finally had a bit of financial leverage and was able to offer 12 months rent in advance when applying for rentals. I think that is what finally got me a place. It was a soul destroying 2 years though and as a result of staying i'm still incredibly dead on the inside.

    Has your friend contacted a DV line at all? It might be her best bet. If she is placed in a refuge, they will help her get on centrelink payments, find more suitable longer term accommodation, etc.
    You have real balls. You deserve a big break (eg lotto win?).

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to VicPark For This Useful Post:

    HarvestMoon  (03-07-2014),sunnyflower  (03-07-2014)

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    8,245
    Thanks
    1,772
    Thanked
    2,017
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a weekBusiest Member of the Week - Most posts for the week ended 19/6/2014
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    You have real balls. You deserve a big break (eg lotto win?).
    Well I wouldn't say no to that!

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    73
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    6
    Reviews
    0
    Tell her to make sure she has all important document, birth certificates, rego papers, photos, receipts, etc. anything that can't be replaced. Also, keep a diary of "events", things her partner says and does. If she has to go through and get a DVO or family court for parenting matters, it will help unbelievably. And she needs a support network. If she has been cut off from family and friends during the relationship, she really needs to start reaching out and building those relationships.

    As a pp mentioned, try to get some finances together, savings, get a job if possible and need be.
    Contact the dv helpline, women's shelters, etc.

    there are women's legal help centres that offer free advice in most states that she could call or go for a drop in appointment. Sometimes you have to keep calling as the lines are busy and can be engaged for ages. The demand is high. Also, salvos legal operate in some states, but will usually only take a client on if they have applied for legal aid first and been declined.

    Most important of all, have a plan. At least for the immediate needs and actions, and ideally for the next steps. It can be daunting at the least, and paralysing enough to stay at worst.

    Your friend has taken the most important first step in recognising that the situation is wrong and isn't changing. Offer as much support as possible and understand her emotions will be worse than a pregnant woman with pms going through menopause. Don't take anything personally.

    She also needs to realise that this is the start of a journey, it can get worse before it gets better. But it will. She will need time to heal, and relearn what a healthy relationship is. And it takes effort.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 18-05-2014, 13:26
  2. Domestic violence/violence against women
    By VicPark in forum General Chat
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 28-04-2014, 08:10
  3. *trigger trigger trigger* domestic violence
    By Zombie_eyes in forum General Chat
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 19-09-2013, 20:52

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Mother and Baby Shop
Save $$$ during our Christmas Sale Mother and Baby Shop
Great prices on Schoenhut kids pianos, toys, baby clothing as well as big brands like Pigeon, NUK, Cherub Baby and many more. Sale starts on 1 November 2016 and ends on the 27 December 2016. Hurry! Place your order today!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Baby Car Seats and Infant Car Restraints
Buying a baby car seat? Check out our 'go-to' links here!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!