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  1. #1
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    Default Has anyone moved towns to be closer to their ex?

    After my ex and I separated, he moved a 12hour drive away and didn't see dd for a year. About three months ago he started seeing her again for one weekend a month (the entire weekend- so three days).
    He's told me that he regrets his decision to move away and not see her for a year and he wishes he could go back in time and tell himself to grow up.

    He has been saying lately that he'd like to help out with dd more and has asked if I would consider moving either to where he is now, or moving to a mutually agreed upon town. Not immediately, but sometime in the next 6-12 months.

    For his work, he has to be on the coast (boating), my line of work is fairly flexible and I think I could find employment anywhere (although I wouldn't move without lining up a job first).

    So would you do it? Or at least consider it? What would be your pros and cons?

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    I haven't and I probably wouldn't to be honest.

    Among my considerations would be my support network, including family and friends. How well my children adapt to change and whether the new town holds equal to or more opportunities for them. What would happen should things between BF and I turn hostile (as they are likely to do in our situation). What if he doesn't live up to expectations and see the children more? What if you and/or the child want to move back to the original town.

    Good luck with your decision, its a hard one.

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    I wouldn't consider it. Would he consider moving closer to you?

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    I'd be too worried that if it turned to cr*p, a family law court could keep me in this new town where I have little support and i'm stuck. I would be wondering why he wouldn't change his line of work rather than uproot a child who has already a social network in place???

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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I'd be too worried that if it turned to cr*p, a family law court could keep me in this new town where I have little support and i'm stuck. I would be wondering why he wouldn't change his line of work rather than uproot a child who has already a social network in place???
    I agree.

    Moving that far away means completely away from yours & the child's support network. What happens if you didn't get the commitment from fob that he is offering now? Or when he gets another girlfriend and priorities change again?

    If I was ever going to even consider moving children so far away away, I'd do it before they started school and developed relationships too.

  7. #6
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    Do you want to move OP? Do you have a support network where you are? Is he stable now and do you believe it would benefit your kids lives plus your life to be nearer him where he can help out more in a hands-on way? Personally, given just what you say I don't think I'd consider it as he hasn't proven anything yet, those are just words spoken by a man who's actions have been non-existent and based on selfishness thus far. It really comes down to you though and how you feel, and whether you think it would be beneficial. If you wouldn't consider moving towns despite him, then I would hesitate to reccommend it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pesca77 View Post
    I agree.

    Moving that far away means completely away from yours & the child's support network. What happens if you didn't get the commitment from fob that he is offering now? Or when he gets another girlfriend and priorities change again?

    If I was ever going to even consider moving children so far away away, I'd do it before they started school and developed relationships too.
    Yes agree. I would not even consider moving DS now and he is only 3, because he does have friends and is well settled in his daycare, plus our support network and friends here is crucial to our good lifestyle. I am studying to re-train so I can get better work opportunities here and not commute into the cbd. Perhaps reccommend to him to consider retraining so he can move closer to you OP!

  9. #8
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    Thanks for your opinions.

    It was just question my ex asked me, out of the blue and I wanted some outside views.

    I have a huge support network where I am and dd and I have a great lifestyle. I couldn't move anywhere while dd is so young (3) without support. Also I'm in a good place (mentally, emotionally, financially) now.

    Moving towns is something I would like to do in a few years, for the career opportunities it would provide me. I was thinking that if I moved, I'd need some support and perhaps my ex could provide it by increasing (or actually having) DDs time in his care.

    The ideal situation would be for ex to move closer, even if he were an hour away, I'd be happy to do drop offs/ pick ups if it meant I could have one day and night to myself.

    I guess part of me even considering a move is thinking how great it would be to do something on my own (gym class, date, dinner with friends) without having to rely on favours from friends or relatives. It'd be so nice if ex could take dd on a regular basis for me to have guilt-free me time.


 

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