Also check out the Duluth Model of Power and Control and Equality. You can google it and have a look at the wheels. You can't change someone who believes it's ok to verbally abuse women (you and your MIL). Its a belief that he would have had for a very long time. Also, how is it possible to feel sexual with a man who talks to you badly? Most women need respect and warmth to be intimate so no wonder you have no desire for him.