I've been with DH for 9 years. We have two little kids. But I'm finally waking up to the fact that I am not attracted to him anymore and haven't been for a long time. I am not sure I love him in a romantic way either. I love him as the father of my kids, as a friend and a companion. But I'm not 'in love' with him. And I certainly never want to DTD. When we do, which isn't often, I think about other people, never him. That sounds horrible but it's true. He doesn't know. He on the other hand is very attracted to me, wants sex often and has never even looked at another woman in the last 9 years.
He's a good dad, great around the house and can be very supportive and loving. The flip side, as I've posted on here before, is he is often nasty, verbally abusive, very stressed out and says negative things about me in front of the kids. It has been like this for years....terrible arguments that get nasty and have also been physical. We have numerous problems and plenty of times I've wanted to leave. But something seems to hold us together, the positives I've mentioned perhaps, and I also think about the kids and how much they need him. And I don't want a failed marriage. We've done counselling twice, but it hasn't made a lasting difference as we just return to our old ways as usual habits. We treat each other terribly.
I don't even know why I'm posting really. I think I am just trying to work out if I can do this for the rest of my life, or even the next 10 years. I am in an unhappy marriage and I don't want to feel like this forever. But I don't want to be selfish either, my kids need this to work. I need to put them first. I just don't know how I got here. We're about to move interstate and I'm dreading the inevitable arguments this will bring as it's going to be a very stressful time.
I am so confused about everything. Wish I knew what the right thing to do was!!!