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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey'sMummy View Post
    Disagree with the stay at home parent being able to do whatever they want!! If my husband said something like that to me, it would be the start of massive argument in our house!!! There's no way I can go shopping or do anything "for me" with a spirited toddler &a clingy newborn....

    While he's the working parent, he gets to eat lunch, have coffee (still hot!) & go to the toilet whenever he wants - I don't have that luxury! Let alone do things for me.

    As for fair division of chores -- in our house it's completely 50/50 -- his "job" is working outside the home Monday-Friday. My "job" is caring for our children Monday-Friday. And we 50/50 share all the household chores, & parenting over night & on weekends.
    Well said .........100% agree

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  2. #12
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    During the working week I expect dh to keep the house tidy and take the rubbish out, but not actually clean or anything extreme. He helps care for the girls when he gets home, but I still do more and I'm fine with that.

    He has a sleep in on his first day off and me on the second. Days off are 50/50 everything.

    ETA - for us, I don't think dh has it anywhere near as easy at work compared to me at home with the girls. If I don't feel like doing housework that day, I don't have to, but he still has to put in full effort at work.
    Last edited by atomicmama; 29-06-2014 at 09:36.

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  4. #13
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    The rule in our household is simple : 50/50 when we are both home. It's pretty rare during the week that one of us is sitting on the couch doing nothing while the other one is busy with bath/dinner/etc

    Over the week end we played it a little differently and swap the responsibilities so we can both have a break.

    Right now I'm still in bed while he looks after DS and when I'll get up he will go the gym then relax while I entertain DS.

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey'sMummy View Post
    Disagree with the stay at home parent being able to do whatever they want!! If my husband said something like that to me, it would be the start of massive argument in our house!!! There's no way I can go shopping or do anything "for me" with a spirited toddler &a clingy newborn....

    While he's the working parent, he gets to eat lunch, have coffee (still hot!) & go to the toilet whenever he wants - I don't have that luxury! Let alone do things for me.
    It could depend on the individual situation too. I know there were so many days that my husband didn't even get lunch at work, it still happens now. I always ate lunch as a SAHM. And I got to choose when I could pee far more often than I can on a work shift now. I can easily not get lunch (or dinner depending on what shift I'm on) at work too due to the nature of what I do. Hubby's work is the same although completely different to my work, but he regularly gets so swamped with work that he misses lunch.
    My husband has said similar to what the pp said when I was a SAHM, and he was right. Me being home with three little kids by myself, whilst difficult, challenging, and time consuming, was not as difficult as what my husband was doing. I was raising our kids single handed during the week, and doing the night wakings on my own, and keeping up with the jobs on my own, but I was also visiting friends, going shopping if I needed/wanted, getting to be with the kids and getting to the gym 4-5 mornings a week. DH was getting up at 7am, eating breakfast with the kids, and leaving for work by 8am...not getting home until anywhere between 10pm-2am sometimes and getting up to do it all again. He wasn't doing anything for himself, or getting to eat lunch, or enjoy a luxurious cup of coffee. He'd end up so exhausted he would lose his voice. Then come weekends he needed to cram in as much family quality time as he could, often heading back to work as soon as the kids were in bed. I wouldn't have traded my life as a SAHM for DH's life in a million years!
    Our family dynamics are completely different now, and when I've finished my studies I've offered to work full time while hubby has time off with the kids if we can afford it, and I will be pretty annoyed if I'm expected to do 50% of the total housework on my days off (my job is not easy and involves shift work) when he is at home all day every day, able to socialise and basically do what he wants, even if he is doing it with kids in tow.

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExcuseMyFrench View Post
    The rule in our household is simple : 50/50 when we are both home. It's pretty rare during the week that one of us is sitting on the couch doing nothing while the other one is busy with bath/dinner/etc

    Over the week end we played it a little differently and swap the responsibilities so we can both have a break.

    Right now I'm still in bed while he looks after DS and when I'll get up he will go the gym then relax while I entertain DS.

    This is us too, though overall i would do more as in home 2 more days than DH, so I keep the kitchen clean, occasionally cook and do a couple of loads of washing and the food shopping.

    As long as both parents are happy with the arrangement, there's no problem.

  8. #16
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    It depends so much on the family. DP works from home, but runs his own business and works ridiculous hours. I work casually, but probably an average of 7-8 hours out of the home per week.

    I don't know what the division would be... if you include all household/garden/auto jobs etc. then I'd do more than him, but I don't know by how much. He spends more of his time doing 'work', if that includes housework, paid work & child care. It's what works for us though, and keeps us all happy.

    I guess that's the point... fair is what you're both happy with. If you need to negotiate, then it's where you've both put in some effort to help make life easier for the other.

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  10. #17
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    Depends on the job, depends on the kid, depends on the kind of house you have!

    We try to split chores evenly but often I feel as though I'm doing more than my fair share. DH is pretty good but I do most of the cooking/shopping/budgeting/tidying whereas he's good with the straight forward jobs like taking out bins, vacuuming, mopping, etc.

    I work long hours, my daily commute is at least 2 hours daily, and I'm often exhausted when I get home. I know DH has tough days at home, I've been a SAHP too and understand how frustrating it is living with such an uncertain and unpredictable schedule, where you are constantly being challenged and interrupted BUT! My job is like that too. I often don't get a lunch break, have to run to the loo mid meeting and rush back, my coffee goes cold, I deal with bad traffic, grumpy clients, demanding boss(es), I have to concentrate and function on only a few hours sleep while presenting myself as alert and trustworthy (lest my contract does not get renewed) and also take work home if i can't get urgent stuff done during the day. I'm basically competing against a young, dynamic, passionate workforce (eg people with out young kids at home!) and constantly feel like I need to lift my game.

    And, I am the one with ALL of the financial responsibility. So my income isn't just a nice-to-have, or pay a few bills here and there. If I don't earn this amount, we are screwed. And to earn at the level I do, means hard work, sacrifice, reinvesting in seminars and study, out of hours work, and it also means I need to lean on DH to keep the house ticking along. It's not like I'm working in a call centre or behind a counter somewhere. My company basically owns me!

    I think ultimately both should contribute as equally as possible as it means you can both enjoy a clean and organised home and enjoy family time more, but you also need to appreciate that working full time can also be really, really tough, and not a holiday.

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  12. #18
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    For us and only having 1 child ( who I consider easy) and I have tons of family around so I do find it easy to do anything I want with DS, I've always got my hair done, shopped, taken him out to lunch etc so DH definitely has it tougher working 60 plus hours a week in a stressful job so the last thing I want him to do when he gets home is housework - I want him to spend time with DS so I do the majority of housework and he just does yard/pool and garbage - he will do anything I ask ( he gets DS up , fed and dressed in the mornings while I sleep in!!) but I only work 2 days a week so I want him to relax when he gets home - before DS when we did both work long hours everything was split but again it was only the two of us so it was easy

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  14. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by HopefulK View Post
    Depends on the job, depends on the kid, depends on the kind of house you have!
    I think ultimately both should contribute as equally as possible as it means you can both enjoy a clean and organised home and enjoy family time more, but you also need to appreciate that working full time can also be really, really tough, and not a holiday.
    Well said! I know I used to get a bit dirty at DH when he'd come home all happy with a great achievement made in his career and I'd be all 'well, I managed to get the whole house cleaned today. Woo.' But I was just frustrated that my daily achievements seemed so insignificant in comparison (I know I was raising our children and that's super important...but I just had reached the point where I needed more. Not saying people should need more in their life than being a SAHM. My mum was one for 15 years and I was so upset when she went back to work and I was 13. Just wanted to clarify that part). Now I do though, now I get to come home and talk about the amazing thing I did at work, or I can brag to hubby when I've done well in a subject at uni, but that doesn't mean my day was this super breezy walk in the park. I work hard and I study hard. My days at home are cruisy in comparison now, and I never see friends anymore. My time off work and study is spent catching up on housework and trying to fit in quality family time.
    And if I've left home at 6am, and came home at 4.30pm to breakfast dishes still piled up on the sink I hate it! I know it means things turned haywire for DH at home and he's had to deal with something else in the morning, but man oh man it sucks having to clean up the kitchen from breakfast, and then empty school lunchboxes etc. because DH has not had the chance, but I've been flat out at work all day and come home to more work. I usually just ask if he had a bad day, because it's not usual, but if it was every day I'd be bringing it up.
    Last edited by Full House; 29-06-2014 at 11:34.

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  16. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey'sMummy View Post
    As for fair division of chores -- in our house it's completely 50/50 -- his "job" is working outside the home Monday-Friday. My "job" is caring for our children Monday-Friday. And we 50/50 share all the household chores, & parenting over night & on weekends.
    This is us. We have a 2.5 year old, a 10 month old and another baby due in 7 weeks so once he's home It's 50/50 until they're in bed and we can relax.


 

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