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  1. #301
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boxergirl View Post
    @TNTh we like Hudson for a boy and Tully for a girl. Understand they might not be most people's cup of tea though
    Oh I love them both, especially Tully! Absolutely gorgeous!

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    Boxergirl  (19-07-2016)

  3. #302
    rainbow road's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boxergirl View Post
    I love the thought of a group, but I do definitely worry about being the only same sex parents in the village type thing! I'm sure we would be welcomed fine, but it's a worry at the back of my mind. I gather you haven't had any issues?
    We didn't really have any issues with this. If anything, my problem was that sometimes I wanted some time away from DP and she was always automatically included because she was also a girl! But it's not a bad problem to have. I have two mother's groups and love them both.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Boxergirl View Post
    I love the thought of a group, but I do definitely worry about being the only same sex parents in the village type thing! I'm sure we would be welcomed fine, but it's a worry at the back of my mind. I gather you haven't had any issues?
    I was a little concerned about this but the ladies in my mothers group as well as the DIG group have all been great so far. No judgement. I'm the only same sex mother in my mothers group.

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    Boxergirl  (19-07-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Boxergirl View Post
    I love the thought of a group, but I do definitely worry about being the only same sex parents in the village type thing! I'm sure we would be welcomed fine, but it's a worry at the back of my mind. I gather you haven't had any issues?
    We've haven't had any issues or negativity, just mild curiosity. It's one of those things that come up enrolling in daycare, kindy, school etc . Good luck and don't hold back joining in ☺

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    Boxergirl  (19-07-2016)

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    @Boxergirl they are super cool names! My friend has a Hudson and I used to be a nanny for a Tully when I was younger although that one was a boy but works for either sex 😊

    I'm not sure if I would join a mothers group. I had never actually considered it because so many of our close friends have bubs. I figured they would be our mothers group hahahaha. I like the idea of our kids socialising and bonding with the bubs of people we are already close to because it just makes it easier. If we didn't have people around with bubs that will be fairly close in age then different story I think.

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    Boxergirl  (19-07-2016)

  11. #306
    almai's Avatar
    almai is offline "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    We didn't really have any issues with this. If anything, my problem was that sometimes I wanted some time away from DP and she was always automatically included because she was also a girl! But it's not a bad problem to have. I have two mother's groups and love them both.
    This was exactly our 'problem' too!
    Thankfully we have never had an issue with any online or in person mothers groups

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    Boxergirl  (19-07-2016)

  13. #307
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boxergirl View Post
    @TNTh we like Hudson for a boy and Tully for a girl. Understand they might not be most people's cup of tea though
    Love Tully!

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    Boxergirl  (19-07-2016)

  15. #308
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    @TandR, sounded very stressful for you at the start, I'm glad you are both in a better place now and have things sorted somewhat. I totally know what you mean about being around dp all the time! Most of the time it really is handy but sometimes you just need time by yourselves! And I notice that my dp gets quite stressed out by the kids but when I'm at work, she has everything under control.

    From my experience, having the 2nd baby was an easier transition because we had already been through the main challenges of 'redefining ourselves' and it was just adding another body into the mix. (Obviously it hasn't been smooth sailing completely)
    So I hope the same is for you when you have your second.

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    TandR  (18-07-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    We didn't really have any issues with this. If anything, my problem was that sometimes I wanted some time away from DP and she was always automatically included because she was also a girl! But it's not a bad problem to have. I have two mother's groups and love them both.
    Ha ha, us too! Now that DP is back at work, mothers group kind of belongs to me, but all the other mothers know her now too! Definitely no MIL or partner b*tching allowed!

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    Quote Originally Posted by TandR View Post
    Wow this thread just took off!

    Before I read everything I'll reply while I have a moment.

    For the first few weeks following DD's traumatic birth I took a while to process it all, and to heal physically. In this time MIL was staying for two weeks. It was extremely hard going through the baby blues while she was here. Largely from the 'old school european' way. She didn't understand what I was going through. DP was stuck between looking after me and 'keeping face' to her mother. I said on a few occasions I wanted her to leave.

    We also had a rift in DP's family occurring at the time so MIL was in some ways adding to the stress by always talking about family members we weren't in contact with and how we should put everything behind us and fix said relationships (even though we weren't the ones to destroy the relationship to begin with). We really didn't need this stress at what should be such a special time in our lives.

    I did have some resentment towards MIL for a while due to comments and incidents during her stay, which was really hard for DP. She knows MIL was wrong in aspects and understands my upset, but she was worried it would ruin our relationship (MIL and I). So she was in a state of stress about that and when I would want to vent it just seemed to blow up.

    Once she left, it was great for a few days just our little family. But then the tiredness of it all kicked in and you're obviously not your best when you're tired so that lead to a lot of snapping at each other. We both missed the 'before baby us' because obviously we were ourselves completely back then. We hadn't yet figured out how to be the old us in our new situation.

    DP is also off work due to an injury requiring surgery. So whilst I love the extra set of hands and love that DD gets both of us, it can be hard having so much time together. At least it was back then. And I won't complain too much because I know many people would love to be in that situation, it just meant that while things were hard there was no down time away from each other to reflect, cool ourselves and look forward to seeing each other again.

    I joined 'parents group' (it's not mothers group as we have dads as well!) and that was and still is a great support for me. I get along really well with the other parents and it's my space. DP encouraged me to go which I'm thankful for.

    In hindsight, unless you and DP have great relationships with each other's folks, I wouldn't recommend them coming to stay for a period of time. Definitely say yes to help, meals, short visits etc... But when your little bundles arrive you really need your home to be your safe space to do exactly what you feel like doing. You also need the time to bond as a family and adjust to the new norm without having to focus on anyone else in the home. Definitely maintain 'you' time. Go for a short walk alone, go buy a new outfit... Anything that made you happy before Bub. If you're not happy, Bub feels it too!

    As I mentioned previously, we are in a much better space now and feel like we have adjusted into the parent roles quite well. We adore DD and lose so much of the day just staring at her. I'm almost always late for things now but I don't care! We've accepted our household is not the way it was pre-baby and that's ok too! The groceries sit on the bench for a few hours before we put them away (cold things the exception), washing piles up (used to be on top of that), the bed is unmade sometimes... Once we realised it was too hard to keep up with it all it was a huge load off to accept that this is our new life and time with DD is more important!

    All in all, we wouldn't change a thing. We are so blessed! (And I secretly can't wait to do it all again).
    I'm sorry that things were rough in the early days for you and your DP. We got rid of our spare room to make way for bubs room, meaning no one could stay with us. Even though we both get along with our parents and ILs it was so good to have our own space after the birth. Honestly, i spent most of the time wandering around half dressed, ready to BF at any time. I'm so glad that neither my or my ILs stayed with us.


 

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