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  1. #11
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    I don't have a favourite but I do have one who can be more difficult than the others, and I can see how at times she has been the least favourite.

    I love all my kids equally but to be honest there are times I don't like them equally. But it passes.

    I've known heaps of people who grew up in families where there was a known favourite, perceived or in reality. I know my brothers, because of a variety of mental health problems required more help from my parents than either my sister or I have needed and it seemed at times like they were the favourites, but now I am a lot older I understand my parents were only trying to help those who needed it most at the time.

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    I definitely don't have a favourite - but ds is 5 and dd only 3 months so they are at very different stages. Dh jokes all the time that dd is his favourite as she is the first perfect person to have ever lived.. It really bugs me as I would absolutely hate ds to ever hear it. Even if it is a joke.

  3. #13
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    I don't have a favourite but I do have one who can be more difficult than the others, and I can see how at times she has been the least favourite.

    I love all my kids equally but to be honest there are times I don't like them equally. But it passes.

    I've known heaps of people who grew up in families where there was a known favourite, perceived or in reality. I know my brothers, because of a variety of mental health problems required more help from my parents than either my sister or I have needed and it seemed at times like they were the favourites, but now I am a lot older I understand my parents were only trying to help those who needed it most at the time.
    Yep, my highest needs child is the one i feel closest too because he needs me so so much and i just feel an overwhelming need to help and protect him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    Yep, my highest needs child is the one i feel closest too because he needs me so so much and i just feel an overwhelming need to help and protect him.
    Yeah I move between feeling extremely protective and frustrated by mine. To the outside world I'm sure there have been times it looks like I don't like her as she can be incredibly draining, but I am more fiercely protective of her as I know she still needs it.

    It's certainly complicated. I just don't want her siblings to resent her the way my sister and I resented our brothers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Yeah I move between feeling extremely protective and frustrated by mine. To the outside world I'm sure there have been times it looks like I don't like her as she can be incredibly draining, but I am more fiercely protective of her as I know she still needs it.

    It's certainly complicated. I just don't want her siblings to resent her the way my sister and I resented our brothers.
    I know its hard. My eldest resents his little brother big time. And he is going through his own terrible almost 10 yr old phase that makes it difficult for me to connect with. So theres a rift i notice it, but unsure what to do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    I know its hard. My eldest resents his little brother big time. And he is going through his own terrible almost 10 yr old phase that makes it difficult for me to connect with. So theres a rift i notice it, but unsure what to do.
    Apart from making time for your eldest there's not much you can do. Our kids can be our toughest critics. My mother always said you focus on the one who needs you most.

    I don't know it's hard. At least as they get older hopefully they see how the others struggle and understand?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie_eyes View Post
    I feel a closer bond/connection with one child. But not what i would call having a favourite.
    I'm the same. I feel terrible about it though as growing up my mother had us ranked in order of who she loved, tolerated, and completely despised. We were treated accordingly to where we fell on that list. As a result I spent most, if not all of my childhood feeling like a worthless piece of sh! T. I don't want my kids to ever have to feel like that, which makes me annoyed at myself for having that closer connection with one over the other.

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    I love my 3 children equally, to even consider that I could favour one over the other makes me feel ill. I love that they are all completely different. I'm sure as they grow I could get along with one better then another doesn't mean that one would be my favourite though.

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    My two boys are very young (almost 3 and almost 1) and so far I don't have a favourite. I'm pregnant with our third who is a girl and others have already dropped hints about her being the most special purely based on the fact that she is a she so that makes me a bit sad. Each of them has a completely different personality so I guess on some days I find myself "liking" one a little more than the other

    Growing up I was the favourite child to my dad and to be honest as an adult it makes me sad when I think back to how differently my sister was treated I was allowed to do things she wasn't...little things like grab a drink by myself whereas she was always made to ask. He would call her terrible names and she would always be in trouble yet I got away with everything. My mum tried so hard to equalise us and pick up the slack he was making. I think she still feels guilty that she didn't leave him sooner but that's not something my sister or I even think about because we always felt like equals by her.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with having a favourite, sometimes It's just human nature!

    Eta: I didn't mean to make it sound like a bad thing that there may be a favourite. Just that in my sister's case my dad made her know I was the favourite with his negative behaviour and bully attitude towards her.
    Last edited by Purple Lily; 23-06-2014 at 07:23.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ElastiGirl View Post
    That's terrible that she ranked you! I think having a favourite child and treating them as your favourite and making it known is very different from feeling you get along with one more over the other but not treating them any differently. Like I said, I have a favourite but I very aware that they need to feel equally cared for.
    This is what I was talking about My dad made it no secret who he favoured more which is sad because we should have felt like we were both equals and we didn't.


 

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